2008 At OOB: I Played Both Soothsayer & False Prophet

Oh, what a year it was on the Detroit sports landscape.

A Stanley Cup for the Red Wings. A horribly disappointing Tigers season. A coaching change with the Pistons, and a new superstar coming over in a trade. Oh, and that 0-16 thing with the Lions.

All that, plus U-M’s plunge in football, MSU’s rise, the Detroit Shock winning another WNBA title, and Bill Davidson and Dick Vitale being inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

I wrote a little bit about all that stuff, and more, if you care to be reminded.

What follows are some of my best (and worst) from 2008, ranging from dead-on soothsaying to airballs of prophecies.

Hold your applause until the end, please.

January

On Nick Lidstrom:

Another defenseman exists today who is not revolutionizing the game. He’s merely perfecting it.I’ve written it before, and I’ll write it again. You can have all of them — Harvey, Goldham, Orr, Bourque, and the rest — and I’ll take Nick Lidstrom and trump you every time.

Sunday, Lidstrom will play in another All-Star game, and it’s ironic, because though he is an annual participant, the game has never been about defense. But that’s OK; his booming shot and precise passes go just fine there, too.I’m usually an old fuddy-duddy when it comes to comparing players of different eras, which is always a futile endeavor anyway. But when it crops up, I’m likely to shove Oscar Robertson in front of you for every Michael Jordan reference, and Jimmy Brown for every Barry Sanders mentioning.

But I’m changing my tune with Lidstrom, who I’m convinced is playing defense better than anyone ever has in the National Hockey League. That’s right — EVER.

On Jim Colletto and the Lions:

I’m not all that jazzed about Colletto, mainly because I thought the Lions might try to raid one of their more successful brethren for a keen, young offensive mind. Then again, what would that prove, other than no one can win with the talent as it is right now.

Nothing will truly bring dramatic, positive change until the Lions are imploded and begun again, but that has as much chance of happening as, well, the Lions being imploded and begun again — which is none.

So the application of doomed Band-Aids will continue at Ford Field.The Lions do not win, not because of the coach, or the system, or the size of the playbook. They do not win because they do not have the players to do so. It’s quite simple, really.You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out.

On the Red Wings’ playoff chances:

This year’s team is on pace to threaten 60 wins. They have 29 in 40 games. Win tonight, and they’ll be right smack on that 60-win pace. Yet I don’t feel that this club will disappoint in the playoffs.

Perhaps it’s the fact that the Wings went to the Final Four last season with a team that I believe isn’t as strong as this one — when it’s healthy. Regardless, this year’s squad has some makings. It looks like it’s a Cup favorite. And I’m not even Barry Melrose, who picks them every year.

The Red Wings are fueled for hockey in June. There are hardly any weaknesses. Their backup goalie should make the All-Star team.

No 1996 disappointment here, me thinks.

February

On the Lions’ management approach:

So be ready to hear all about Dwight Smith and his 2002 experience. About his two returned INTs for touchdowns in the Super Bowl against the Raiders. It’s nice. But it was for another team, at another time. You don’t win Super Bowls with players resumes. You win with competent front offices and scouts.The most important Super Bowl-winning talent a team can employ are those who wear suits and ties to work everyday.

March

On Justin Verlander and the Hall of Fame:

Say hello to your next Tigers homegrown Hall of Famer.

Roll your eyes all you want. Mock my boosterism as nothing more than over-exuberant, hometown bias. Here, I’ll call the men in the white jackets myself, to save you the trouble. Guffaw from now until nightfall, for all I care.

Verlander, I’m telling you, will find himself enshrined in Cooperstown, N.Y. when all is said and done.

Don’t tell me about injuries and bad luck and flashes in the pan. Put a sock in it if you’re going to warn me of arms busting at the seams or flames burning out. I don’t want to have this conversation with you if you mean to dissuade me with sensible, even-handed talk. My mind’s made up. My decision is as final as an umpire’s, no matter how wrong he may be.

But I’m not wrong here, not on this one. Video replay will exonerate me, some 15 years from now, or more.

On Flip Saunders:

Saunders will coach the Pistons next year, odds are – barring a total meltdown in the playoffs, i.e. a first or second-round exit. Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess. And I’ll again brace myself, as I did back in 1983, for the Pistons GM to announce that, guess what, he’s the new coach, too.

On Tom Izzo going to the NBA:

Izzo, like so many college coaches before him, figures himself to perhaps be the one who can buck the trend. He looks at the allure of the pro game, sees that “ultimate level” of basketball, and wonders. And for that he’s not to be blamed. It’s human nature to ask oneself if he has what it takes to cross over to another level in his chosen field.

But Bobby Knight never acted on that notion. John Wooden never did. Dean Smith never did.

But Jerry Tarkanian did, with the San Antonio Spurs some 15 years or so ago, and the abbreviated experienced nearly caused him to bite clear through the towel he famously chewed on during games. Other college stalwarts like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, and PJ Carlesimo have tried and failed. I could dwarf your typical grocery list with more examples of this kind of failure.

So don’t do it, Tommy. Stay on campus. Tell those Bulls no, if they bother to ask. Better yet, pretend you’re not home. Out of sight, out of mind. And you won’t have to lose yours.

April

On Mike Babcock changing goalies in first round:

But here’s the thing: last I checked, nobody’s ever won the Cup after losing in the first round. Even the great Montreal Canadiens and Edmonton Oilers teams couldn’t pull that one off. So that said, I don’t blame Red Wings coach Mike Babcock one bit in trying to do what he feels gives his team the best chance to win THIS series. You worry about Round Two when — and IF — you get there.

Some of the worriers of this decision wonder what this will do to Hasek’s supposed fragile psyche. Well, I think if anyone is qualified to know that answer, it must be his coach, no? If Babcock thinks that won’t be an issue, then that’s good enough for me.

Look, Babcock is trying to win this series, right now. He’s coaching for the moment, with the short-sightedness that is sometimes required in the playoffs. Worrying about one game at a time is cliche, but it’s what you need to do, really.

On Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen needing to lead the Red Wings in playoffs:

Which is my point. If Franzen and Zetterberg are not scoring, if they are not leading the team in points once we’re several games into the post-season, then there’s trouble brewing. Do not count on a Fernando Pisani to save the day. Remember Pisani? He went ballistic in the 2006 playoffs, vexing the Red Wings and two other teams before almost leading his Oilers to an upset over Carolina in the Cup Finals.

On where Rodney Stuckey will play, with Chauncey Billups in front of him:

Stuckey is special, folks. I think we’re seeing a star NBA guard blossoming before our very eyes. And the Pistons could do a lot worse than to bring someone of his caliber off the bench, or start in case of injury or rest. Yet it might not happen for him here, only because of the quality of the dudes he’s playing behind. Neither Billups nor Hamilton is close to retirement.

This isn’t 1993, when Thomas was on the verge of calling it quits, and thus trained rookie Lindsey Hunter as his successor, while Dumars did the same with Allan Houston. It’s not far-fetched to say that Billups and Hamilton could both stay in Detroit for another five or six years, barring trades or free agency issues.

So where does that leave Stuckey?

May

On the Stanley Cup Finals after Pittsburgh’s Game 3 win:

Yes, the Penguins have a smidgen of confidence now — at least they’ve seen the brick wall Osgood surrender some pucks past him — but the Red Wings can still smell this latest Stanley Cup. Half the roster has won it before. You think they’re going to let the Penguins off the hook here? Besides, even a Game 4 loss, while unseemly, wouldn’t be disastrous. The Penguins don’t look ready to beat the Red Wings in Detroit any time soon.

So the Penguins got off the schneide. They scored a few goals. The puck bounced their way. They were more aggressive. Looked comfy at home. Upped their confidence a bit. Now they’re 9-0 at home in the playoffs. Good for them.

Detroit in five, that’s all. Or six. But Detroit, nonetheless.

On a retired Steve Yzerman watching Game 1 in the Red Wings suite:

If the Wings capture this Cup, which they should, it will be the first one since 1955 that didn’t have Steve Yzerman on its roster. There was a time when no one thought the Red Wings could win a Cup WITH Yzerman, and now we are wading through a period where some have wondered if they could win one WITHOUT Yzerman. No disrespect to Lidstrom, of course. But look how long it took the team to win one after Gordie Howe retired.

Memorial Day weekend hockey. Some of the best – for players, coaches, media, and fans. Oh, it’s fun for the stuffed shirts, too, but maybe not as much for the one who only two years ago was on the other side of that hallway.

Steve Yzerman had his time. I just wonder how tough it is for him to let go of it.

On the Wings’ chances of winning the Cup:

Check with the Wayne County Road Commission. Make sure there aren’t any plans for Woodward Avenue the first week of June. Tell ‘em to get any and all orange barrels out of the way. While you’re at it, tell them to not mess around too much with I-75, the Lodge Freeway, I-94, or I-96 until we’re done; we want as many people as possible to make it into downtown. Might as well confer with the Big Guy, God himself, and put in our request for sunshine and blue skies to drench ourselves in.

I can’t make any such assurances for the Pistons — far from it, actually — but I’ve made up my mind about the Red Wings. Stanley Cup no. 11 for the franchise will be hoisted into the air by captain Nicklas Lidstrom sometime within the next four weeks. It’s money in the bank. May as well give the engraver the Red Wings’ roster and have him start doing his thing.

June

On Flip Saunders’ firing:

Saunders was, by far, the least embraced coach in Detroit — ranking below even the Lions’ Rod Marinelli, who has largely been judged as more of an innocent bystander than anyone with losing blood on his hands. There wasn’t any sort of true affection for him. We never knew much about him, for starters. We knew he had a kid who played at the University of Minnesota, his alma mater, and that he coached the T-Wolves all those years. And that he narrowly missed being a victim of that bridge collapse — also in Minnesota. Maybe he was just too much Minnesota for our liking. Regardless, there wasn’t any of the lovable gruffness and supposed genius that Tigers fans found so alluring about Jim Leyland. There wasn’t the quiet calm and confidence exuded by Red Wings coach Mike Babcock that hockey fans find reassuring. There wasn’t even the “Aw, shucks/pound the rock” affability projected by Marinelli. With Saunders, he was like the outsider who was just keeping a seat warm until Dumars decided to satisfy his fetish again. No real connection. No real affection. No real empathy about what would ultimately happen to him.

July

On Jon Kitna:

Next week, when the Lions open training camp, Kitna will show up as the unadulterated #1 quarterback. It will be the third straight summer that he will do so, and if he survives it, 2008 will be the third straight year that no one but Kitna has started a game as Lions quarterback.

That may not seem like great shakes, but in a city where the metaphor for quarterback stability is a carousel, or a revolving door, it kinda is. Kitna provides some consistency at QB, and whether you like him or not, or consider him mediocre or not, there you have it. The Lions may not have Tom Brady or Peyton Manning, or even Eli Manning, but nor do they have to truly worry about who will line up under center when the curtain goes up in September – barring injury, that age-old disclaimer.

No “quarterback controversy” in Detroit, not now. Other than the 35-year-old Kitna (he’ll be 36 in September), the Lions possess Drew Stanton and Dan Orlovsky on their roster. That’s it. Stanton missed all of his rookie season last year due to injury, and Orlovsky is, well, Orlovsky: a backup with no real credentials other than he shows up, works hard, and might have some potential. Kind of like most second or third-string quarterbacks in the NFL.

On Marian Hossa:

No matter how you try to slice and dice it, I don’t know how you can ever diss a guy for taking less money in the name of winning.

What if, God forbid, Hossa suffers a serious injury next season? That would significantly impact his worth. Or, frankly, what if he just has a bad season, production-wise? Again, that would make it tougher for him to command the kind of dollars he could have gotten last week. So don’t tell me about being selfish or upsetting the apple cart.

August

On MSU football’s chances under Mark Dantonio:

It’s been 42 years since Michigan State played the “game of the century” against Notre Dame, another fallen program. Mark Dantonio, it wouldn’t appear, has anything tangible in his background that suggests he can bring the program back to national fame.

On Dontrelle Willis:

Dontrelle Willis was supposed to be an integral part of the Tigers rotation this year. He was supposed to be one of the many reasons why the team was to overwhelm its opponents and cruise to the World Series. He was supposed to continue his path to greatness, the path he forged in Florida. Now he can’t even throw a strike with any consistency. It’s not overstating things to suggest that he may have Steve Blass Syndrome and will never pitch in the big leagues again – at least with any degree of success.

On Rich Rodriguez:

All this, and R-Rod must win, and win now. What helps his cause is that expectations, from the national scribes, is relatively low — although Michigan does find itself in the pre-season Top 25. Yet there are three Big Ten teams, sometimes four, picked above them. Not too many folks think all that much of Michigan’s Big Ten title hopes, but that hardly matters, when it comes right down to it. Even in a so-called transition year, six or seven wins won’t be acceptable.

Losing to Ohio State, despite the fact that Michigan will almost certainly be considerable underdogs, won’t be acceptable, even if it is expected. Michigan fans will recall what new OSU coach Jim Tressel said when he was hired lo those many years ago: We WILL beat Michigan this year! And Tressel did, and he hasn’t really stopped.

September

On the Lions’ record in 2008:

It would appear as if the Lions are headed in the right direction. They addressed needs in the secondary, and while they may be a little D-line heavy and LB thin, the overall defense should be improved. They drafted a beast of an OT in the first round. They acquired some runners. They laid off the receiving corps for a change. I’d still like to see a backup QB with NFL experience, but I guess we’ll just have to hope for another injury-free year from Jon Kitna, which would be three years in a row — and that’s rolling the dice in today’s NFL.I’m not a prediction guy, but I think we’re still looking at 7-9, 8-8. The Lions may be a better team this year than they were in 2007 yet end up with much the same record. It’s a year where their development shouldn’t be solely judged by the won-loss record.

On the Lions’ future management:

When 70-75% of your starters are considered trash by all the rest, then you have a serious talent issue.

That’s why I hope the Lions, when they do their internal self-evaluation, place a high priority on hiring someone with expertise in finding young football talent. Forget the high-profile name for the sake of the high-profile name. I made the reference to Jack McCloskey already, and I’ll add Jimmy Devellano today. All I knew of Devellano was he was this short, stocky guy with the squeaky Canadian voice who had been some sort of cog with the Islanders. Turns out, that was good enough.

Don’t be surprised, or better yet, disappointed, if the Lions’ new football man is someone you’ve barely heard of — or at the very least, someone you wouldn’t have heard of it wasn’t for the speculation in the papers. Don’t look at the name, look at the pedigree.

If he comes from the Colts, or the Patriots, or the Packers, or the Cowboys, you should be happy. From anywhere else, you should be wary.

On Rod Marinelli:

So what of Rod Marinelli?

Well, he’s a lame duck, lamer than lame. Lamer than Gary Moeller was, lamer than Dick Jauron was. Marinelli might as well follow right behind Millen, packing boxes in hand, because there is no scenario at all in which Marinelli keeps his job under a new administration. None. Bet the farm, the kids, the family dog. Marinelli is going to be the ex-coach of the Lions. It’s only a matter of when, not if.

October

On the city of Tampa not supporting the Rays:

It’s a travesty, the lack of support the Rays got in Tampa Bay. The city doesn’t deserve big league baseball. Take the team away from them, as soon as the final out of their season is made. Their stadium, named after an orange juice, should be squished like a carton and eradicated. May as well put something else there, like a Wal-Mart or another retirement home.

Tampa Bay is going to be a great city, once they clear out all the zombies.

Cities that stay home from first-place teams aren’t worthy. There are 26 other teams in MLB that would love to be in the Rays’ position right now; same with their fans.Someone should nudge the Tampa Bayans awake and let them know that they’re missing a helluva baseball season.

Shame on them, anyway.

On the Cubs’ playoff performance:

“Billy Goat” Sianis isn’t dead after all. Black cats are still prowling around. Steve Bartman’s invasive, sticky fingers are still leaving prints.The futility of Steve Swisher and Ernie Broglio and Larry Biittner have returned.Charlie Brown still can’t kick the football. Wile E. Coyote just fell off another cliff. The Italian Army still stinks. And so do the Cubs.

The Chicago “97 Wins” Cubs. The Chicago “Going to end the 100-year drought” Cubs. The Chicago “This is the year” Cubs.No, The Same Old Chicago Cubs.The Cubs are on the verge, again, of disappointing in the post-season. Check that. They’ve past the verge and are falling down an endless flight of stairs. I haven’t seen a town’s hopes dashed so quickly since the Redskins hired Steve Spurrier.

November

On the Allen Iverson trade:

But now the Pistons, some 14+ years since Isiah Lord Thomas hung up his sneakers, finally have a face. A superstar. Someone around whom to worship on the basketball court.

Allen Iverson is about Isiah’s size: six-feet tall, on his tippy toes. One-hundred-and-sixty-five pounds, soaking wet and with $100 worth of quarters in his pockets. Tougher than nails. Still some street in him. A shrimp, really, in a giant’s game. And also one of the most prolific scorers in NBA history.

A face, finally, for the Pistons.

On Monday Night Football:

Monday Night Football hasn’t tickled my fancy, or my curiosity, since Cosell left – save the two years of Dennis Miller. It’s just another nighttime football game in an era where there are tons of them. And Tuesday mornings aren’t all that anymore, either.

Oh, Howard would love that: he leaves, and takes a night and a morning with him. Nobody tell him. Please.

December

On Red Wings coach Mike Babcock:

Yet this is another example of Babcock’s mastery. He’s Scotty Bowman Lite, but that’s no knock. It just means that he has a way of keeping the troops motivated and interested without resorting to mind games or other nefarious tactics. Babcock is able to call out his players without embarrassing them. He knows that when you point a finger, several are pointing right back at yourself. So he includes himself, often, when critiquing his team. He also knows when to allay the fears of the aforementioned dogs who call sports talk radio and pound away angrily without spell check on the Internet message boards.

Happy New Year!

Marinelli Gets The Ziggy, But Ford Didn’t Fire Him

“Rod Marinelli wasn’t ready to be a head coach. As I’ve said before, there’s no crime in that.”

It will be written and recorded that Bill Ford Sr. fired Rod Marinelli. History will be wrong.

Ford didn’t fire Marinelli; circumstances did. Ford was merely the vessel, the one who sent out the press release announcing the development, one that even he, with his loyal and kind heart, couldn’t stall.

There are so few things you can count on in life anymore: getting stuck in traffic when you’re running late; being the one who finishes the toilet paper roll; paying taxes; dying. Oh, and this one: going 0-16 will get you fired.

It wasn’t impressive, not at all, that Marinelli got the ziggy yesterday after 0-16 and 1-23 and 10-38. The zenith of his time here was when he was 9-15 after the 6-2 start of 2007 (remember that?). Actually, the zenith of his time here, I believe, was in January 2006 — when he stood in front of the media throng the day he was announced as head coach.

“Good morning, men,” Marinelli famously said that day, as if he was a military general addressing the troops. I loved that opening. And I was fooled, as I’ve been in the past, that the Lions had finally found the right man to coach.

I liked that Marinelli was a D-line man, and that he appeared to appreciate the work done in the trenches. He seemed like substance over style. Then he went out and hired the run-and-gun Mike Martz to coordinate the offense, and that kind of flew in the face of the substance over style thing.

Marinelli's high point: the day he was hired

The last Lions head coach worth a hill of beans was Joe Schmidt, and if he hadn’t gotten so disgusted with GM Russ Thomas and quit, Schmidt would have been the coach here for as long as he wanted. He was a former Lions player, maybe among the Top Five in team history, and Ford would have been loyal to him. Sadly, Ford sided with Thomas in the power struggle, and the Lions lost out on the best coach they’ve had since George Wilson and Buddy Parker.

But that’s all in the past. It’s all about looking forward, but with Ford in the driver’s seat, you don’t get a chance to look very far. His myopic thinking and approach has choked this franchise, and what you saw with 0-16 was the culmination of a perfect storm of poor management, bad personnel decisions, and all the bad chickens coming home to roost.

Yesterday, I asked for calm, to see what Ford would do in the Allen Park offices in the wake of 0-16. I had not posted those thoughts for more than a minute when the word came down that the only real move was to can the coach, which was terribly predictable and a cause-and-effect of going winless. Oh, another personnel guy is due to be hired, but he will, apparently, be nothing more than part of a three-headed monster — two of which are coated with the stench of what’s been going on with the Lions since 2001.

Rod Marinelli wasn’t ready to be a head coach. As I’ve said before, there’s no crime in that. There’s nothing wrong with being a fine position coach. Those are necessary, too. But he was a Matt Millen hire, who made three bad coaching choices. He was infatuated with Marty Mornhinweg after one late-night film session; he didn’t do the proper due diligence on Steve Mariucci to see if he would be a good fit here; and he selected Marinelli based on a gut feeling, since the resume wasn’t there. So don’t blame Coach Rod. HE didn’t hire him, after all.

So Millen is gone, but the feeling of euphoria that his ziggying was supposed to bring never really materialized. There’s a sort of “out of the frying pan and into the fire” thing going on here. Or, “be careful what you wish for.” Folks wanted to roll the dice and take their chances with the canning of Millen. Then as the losses piled up this season, they decided to take their chances with a winless year.

The fans got craps for their trouble and risk.

Happy New Year.

Surprise! (not) The Yankees Are Spending Again

“Do you know that Alex Rodriguez has never played on a World Champion team? Neither has Hideki Matsui. Or Jason Giambi.”

The New York Yankees just can’t help themselves, can they?

Sheesh. Miss the playoffs for the first time in 13 years, and see what happens?

The Yankees are spending money again. Big time. They’re handing out triple-digit, million dollar contracts like they’re growing on trees in the Steinbrenners’ backyard.

CC Sabathia. A.J. Burnett. Mark Teixeira. They were even talking about bringing Manny Ramirez into the fold, almost as an afterthought.

The Yankees have been trying to buy the World Series since 2001, and eight straight years of failure in doing so isn’t stopping them from trying it again.

Do you know that Alex Rodriguez has never played on a World Champion team? Neither has Hideki Matsui. Or Jason Giambi.

There’s a whole host of them, actually, who have fewer World Series rings than the Philadelphia Freaking Phillies, for gosh sakes.

The Yankees owe MLB some $25 million in luxury tax, with payment due on January 31. But yet they pay it as we would pay Luxury Tax in a game of Monopoly.

Forget about Congress; GM and Chrysler should have asked the Yankees for a bailout.

It’s like a drug addiction, with these Yankees and spending money. The crosstown, same-stadium-now Mets signed Frankie Rodriguez and JJ Putz, so the Yankees didn’t dare stand pat. They saw the Mets and raised them Sabathia and Burnett and, in the biggest blow, Teixeira.

Will Sabathia and his new Yankees teammates be laughing next fall? Odds are they won’t

Yet the small-town, small-wallet Tampa Bay Rays won the AL East last season, beating out the big-spending Yankees and Boston Red Sox. And for the record, Rays manager Joe Maddon isn’t too fazed by the Yankees’ most recent spending spree. Why would he? He beat them last year, after all.

Three things are certain in this world: death, taxes, and the Yankees trying to buy the World Series.

The Yankees were on a roll — back in 2000. They had just beaten the Mets and captured their third straight world title and fourth in five years. Since then, the money has still been coming out of the spigot like water, but the championships stopped flowing. Mostly, it’s been first-round disappointments. Once, it was even the ignominy of blowing a 3-0 lead in the ALCS — to the Red Sox, no less.

But you think that’s going to stop the Yankees? You think eight straight years of payrolls that would make Donald Trump blush, without winning anything of note, is going to make them frugal?

Ha!

The Yankees will keep spending, we’ll all keep shaking our heads, and chances are, they’ll STILL be one of the 29 teams who don’t win the whole enchilada come October (or November). And MLB will keep collecting its luxury tax, ensuring that the petty cash drawer stays filled.

The Tigers tried the Yankees way last year, and they collapsed from the weight of expectation. Now the Tigers go into 2009 as underdogs without many believers. The Yankees have put all the pressure on themselves, once again.

They can have it.

Biggest Mistake Lions Can Make Is Being Paralyzed By History

“The legacy of Bill Ford Sr. and his football franchise won’t be that they managed to finish an entire season sans a victory. It will be, What did they do about it? How did they react? What happened after they bottomed out?”

 

So it’s in the record books; may as well be chiseled there. It’s history, made in living, gory color. Mission: Now Possible.

You can literally say that it’s easier to go 16-0 in the NFL than 0-16, because the Lions pulled off the latter one year after the New England Patriots accomplished the former.

0-16. Put it in there with 714, 56, 17-0, .406, 72-10, and any other famous sports number that you can think of. They’ll be talking about this one for years, decades probably.

The Tampa Bay Bucs aren’t off the hook yet, though. Remember, they lost their first 26 games before winning. The Lions have “only” lost 17 straight. So come on back sometime next late-October and see how that’s shaping up.

The Lions went winless. For an entire season. In today’s NFL, built on parity and designed to reward blind squirrels on occasion. Flip through the records since the NFL-AFL merger of 1970. You’ll find that even the most wretched teams win two, maybe three games. Some indeed have only won one. But they did win.

So where were you when it happened? Do you remember what you were wearing, who you were with, what you were doing, when the final seconds ticked off the clock in Green Bay yesterday? Chances are that you still will, ten, twenty years from now. It’s the Kennedy Assassination moment of the NFL. It’s a story that you will retell, to your grandkids, and any other wide-eyed person who wasn’t old enough to remember this.

But you know what? Who cares?

There’s nothing anyone can do about it now. 0-16 is there, and always will be. But next year is another season. Look at the Miami Dolphins: 1-15 in 2007, divisional champs in 2008.

The Lions’ biggest mistake won’t be that they went 0-16. It’ll be if they get paralyzed by history, and assume a deer-in-the-headlights mentality.

Pick yourself up off the road before you get run over again.

That’s why this off-season will be the most critical in the team’s history. The legacy of Bill Ford Sr. and his football franchise won’t be that they managed to finish an entire season sans a victory. It will be, What did they do about it? How did they react? What happened after they bottomed out?

I don’t think too many of the Lions fans will care about 0-16 if the team pulls itself up and gets serious about making sure nothing remotely like this ever happens again. It’ll start with the hiring of a new football man, obviously. And a new coach. In that order. The drumbeat for Bill Parcells has already begun, in the wake of the news that Parcells can become a “free agent” upon the completion of the sale of the Miami Dolphins; the Big Tuna can walk after such a development.

But whether it’s Parcells — and nothing would wash away the muck of 0-16 like that kind of news — or someone else, it’ll be the first step in the healing process.

Congress isn’t an option, but SOMEONE’S gotta fix this mess

I know, I know — this is Old Man Ford we’re talking about. The guy who implied that no Earth-shattering changes were headed the Lions’ way.

Don’t be so sure.

Those infamous comments, spoken before the Lions’ game with the Saints a week ago Sunday, caused a furor, and I can understand that. But at that point, 0-16 was still not a reality, though it appeared to be a certainty.

Things sometimes change when the cold, harsh reality sets in.

Not even Ford can shrug off 0-16. I know many of you won’t agree with me when you read that, but it’s what I believe. If Parcells indeed opts out of his Miami deal, he just might receive a call from Ford. I know you might not agree with that, either, but again, my opinion. And the Parcells news hadn’t been reported when Ford made his comments to Tom Kowalski on Dec. 21.

All I’m saying is, let’s wait and see what the Lions do in the coming weeks, for THAT will be the time to start writing the legacy of the 2008 season.

When you seemingly can’t get any worse — and that’s what 0-16 screams — then what are you gonna do about it?

Ford hasn’t been unequivocally the worst, factually, until now. Let’s see what the old guy does in reaction.

Tennis Ball Barrage Whetted Conklin’s Goalie Appetite

Conklin says the only stat that matters when it comes to Osgood is wins and losses

The NHL is about to hold its third Winter Classic — those outdoor games held in football stadiums and baseball parks. Pond hockey to the extreme.

The Red Wings are half of this year’s participants — set to face the Chicago Blackhawks on New Year’s Day at Wrigley Field. And one goalie will have dressed in all three of these pond contests.

“The hardest part is keeping warm,” Ty Conklin was saying on the phone the other day. And this from a guy who availed himself to being assaulted with tennis balls as a kid. But more about that later.

Conklin played in last year’s game in Buffalo, when he was a member of the Pittsburgh Penguins. And he played in the classic for the Edmonton Oilers a few years ago.

“I wish it wasn’t so cold,” he said with a chuckle about last year’s contest.

Conklin was the winner, as Sidney Crosby won the match for the Pens in a shootout, as snowflakes the size of quarters spilled onto the ice.

Conklin was the starter, despite being the supposed backup to Marc-Andre Fleury. I say supposed because Conklin played in about 40% of the Penguins’ games, thanks to Fleury battling injuries last season.

It was his fine performance in Pittsburgh last year that prompted Red Wings GM Ken Holland to offer the 32-year-old a contract last summer as the backup to Chris Osgood. Conklin was again to play the role of no. 2, as Osgood figured to be the goalie about 70% of the time.

Now injuries have reared their head again. Osgood is battling that goalie bugaboo — the groin that threatens to go pop.

Guess who’s been thrust back into the starting job in net?

Osgood, prior to the tender groin situation, wasn’t posting the greatest numbers in the world. By his own admission, the 36-year-old was fighting the puck; and the numbers were agreeing with him. A GAA of well over 3.00. A save percentage not even close to .900, which is the industry standard for starting goalies.

Ahh, but one number stood out above all the rest, all while Osgood crabbed about his own play.

“I have a hard time with people sometimes when it comes to Chris,” Conklin said Monday during an NHL conference call with the media, when I openly wondered whether goalies talk to each other if one of them is apparently slumping. “The number that counts is wins. The guy has lost two games (in regulation) all season. He hasn’t had much puck luck.”

“Puck luck.” Only goalies talk like that, right?

“I’ve been there,” Conklin said of Osgood’s internal battle. “It’s tough. Once he gets healthy, he’ll be fine.”

Contrary to popular belief, the expectations of a goalie aren’t necessarily greater in Detroit than anywhere else, Conklin reported.

“There are expectations everywhere. All around the league,” he said. “But I don’t think the goalies here (in Detroit) are expected to stop every shot. That’s not how the guys in the locker room look at it.”

I also asked Conklin, straight up: Why in the world would any seemingly sane-minded guy want to become a goalie, anyway?

He laughed. “Well, it started when my dad and brothers would shoot tennis balls at me in the basement. I don’t know; I just liked it right away.”

Maybe not sane-minded, after all. I had a lot of ideas for fun as a kid, but being shot at with a bunch of tennis balls wasn’t on the list.

Now, playing goalie on an outdoor rink for the Detroit Red Wings on New Year’s Day? THAT’S something I could get into. But I didn’t pay my dues in the basement, did I?

EMU Finally Thinks Big With Hiring Of English

I didn’t know diddly squat about the Eastern Michigan University football program when I enrolled there as a freshman in 1981. It didn’t take me long to learn everything I cared to know.

There was a losing streak, which I joined in progress. In a heartbeat it turned into one of double digits. The EMU Hurons had managed to beat Bowling Green University, sometime early in the 1980 season. Then they lost their last eight games of ’80. Then they lost every single game of my freshman year, in 1981. It got so bad that the student council president presented a petition to the school’s president, Dr. John Porter, begging him to fire head coach Mike Stock.

The losing streak was 19 games when the 1982 season began.

An opening weekend loss made it an even twenty. In mid-October, the Hurons were driving for a game-winning field goal against Ohio University. I was a scraggly sophomore in attendance that Saturday afternoon, and we prepared to raid the field, perhaps to tear down the goalposts, as the Hurons crept closer and closer to the Bobcats’ goal. The drive stalled, and the EMU kicker trotted onto the field. His name was Bob Hirschmann. I’ll never forget it.

The kick couldn’t have been any longer than 25 yards. A chip shot. But Hirschmann missed it. The losing streak was now 25 games.

Two more losses ensued, before the 27-game losing streak was stopped with a 9-7 win over Kent State. Stock by this time was long gone, fired and replaced by interim guy Bob Lapointe.

There hasn’t been much to cheer about on fall Saturdays in Ypsilanti. Only a mini-resurgence in the mid-to-late 1980s. Other than that…

The Hurons aren’t the Hurons any longer; they’re the Eagles. But their football team still stinks.

It’s no coincidence, in my mind, that the EMU football program is constantly in the toilet because they’ve hired coaches on the cheap who had virtually no ties to the area.

Eastern is the closest Mid-American Conference (MAC) school in the state of Michigan to the metro Detroit area, by far beating out Central Michigan (Mt. Pleasant) and Western Michigan (Kalamazoo) in this regard. Yet they’ve never exploited this advantage, at all.

It’s because their coaches have been ill-prepared and under qualified. And not from anywhere near Ypsilanti. And they’ve been cheap.

The most recent of these overwhelmed men, Jeff Genyk, was given the ziggy by the school before the last game of the 2008 season. It was a 3-9 year for EMU. Typical.

Genyk came to EMU from Northwestern, but was never more than a position coach at a school not really known for its football. Yet Genyk was charged with resuscitating Eastern’s moribund football program. And, like Jeff Woodruff before him, and Rick Rasnick before him, Genyk gave the Board of Regents exactly what they paid for. Which wasn’t much. It’s never been very much at EMU.

But it says here that finally, FINALLY, the administration at Eastern has gotten it right by thinking bigger than they have in years – decades, really.

Ron English doesn’t come from a Podunk school. His resume isn’t filled with years spent at institutions that you have to Google to find.

English is a Michigan Man. Last year he was a Louisville Man. But from 2003-07, English was the defensive coordinator for the Wolverines under Lloyd Carr. This past season, he performed the same duties for Louisville. That’s six years as a coordinator for a big time program. Or six years longer than the El Cheapo coaches EMU has been hiring for the past 15 years or so.

English took some heat for his defense while in Ann Arbor, but that’s part of the deal when you work for a university whose fan base lives and dies every Saturday with their football team. At Eastern, you just die, and then die some more.

“In 2008, there were five MAC schools who got invited to Bowl games,” English said to the media as he was introduced last week. “We want to be one of them. And we want to do it quick. Do it quick.”

The last time an EMU football team played in a bowl game, Ronald Reagan was president. It was the California Bowl, in December 1987. And Eastern upset San Jose State, who was supposed to make mincemeat of the boys from Ypsi.

It was the last hurrah for EMU football.

English (right) served five years as defensive coordinator for
Lloyd Carr (left) at Michigan

After coach Jim Harkema, who led that Bowl team, was fired in the early-1990s, Eastern started looking below them for coaches instead of above. It seemed as if the first qualification you needed was to have never been a head coach or a coordinator at anywhere of any significance. And you had to not be from this area, and you had to work for cheap.

So the Board tried a bunch of these cheap, overwhelmed, displaced coaches, and the football program, in the meantime, became a joke. The close proximity to Detroit and the outlying suburbs, which has often been rich in high school football talent, proved irrelevant. And all the while, Eastern’s sister schools in Mt. Pleasant and Kalamazoo were fielding competitive, respectable teams.

English, at his press conference, spoke of passion and commitment and of a sense of urgency. I usually wouldn’t give you a plug nickel for anything a football coach says at his first media gathering. But at least the words were coming from the mouth, this time, of someone who’s prepared young men to play before crowds of larger than 15,000.

“All you hear about when you talk about EMU football is losing,” English correctly pointed out. “But this campus has a lot to offer. We can do a lot of good things here.”

Carr, by the way, served as an unpaid consultant during EMU’s coaching search. And he was in attendance as his former defensive coordinator addressed the media.

“I’m happy for Ron, and I’m happy for Eastern,” Carr said afterward.

That makes two of us.

It only took the folks at Eastern a decade and a half to understand: you have a much better chance of making progress if you think big, rather than small.

They finally loosened the purse strings and hired a football coach cut from big time program cloth who knows the area. Goodness gracious, it’s about time.

Ellis Didn’t Think Sparky Had The Courage To Start Him In ‘71 All-Star Game

Dock Ellis wanted to see if Sparky Anderson was bluffing. And Sparky saw the bet and called Dock on it.

It was the days leading up to the 1971 All-Star Game in Detroit, and it springs to mind in the wake of the news of Ellis’s death last week at age 63.

Ellis was the African-American pitcher who claims to have pitched a no-hitter on LSD. There’s still some doubt about that. But Ellis was also the pitcher who purposely hit the first four Reds batters in a game in the 1970s, and there’s absolutely no doubt about that.

And Ellis was part of All-Star history — history that Ellis never thought Sparky had the guts to make.

Anderson, all of 37 years old in ‘71, was to manage the National League by virtue of his Cincinnati Reds capturing the NL pennant in 1970. The AL was managed by Earl Weaver, who had named Oakland A’s lefty Vida Blue as his starter before Sparky announced his starting hurler. Ellis was having a fine season with the Pittsburgh Pirates, and his name was bantied about as a possible starter for the NL.

But Dock wasn’t buying it.

“They’ll never put two brothers against each other,” Ellis said, referring to the fact that both he and Blue were black. Indeed, it had never happened before — two black men as the starting pitchers in an MLB All-Star Game.

Sparky read the papers. He knew what Dock Ellis said. Whether Ellis had intended his comment to be a dare of Anderson’s gumption or not, the end result was that Sparky indeed chose Ellis as his starter. And whether Sparky intended it or not, the fallout was that the manager came out looking better than the outspoken pitcher.

But Ellis one-upped Sparky in terms of lasting impressions. For it was Ellis who served up the pitch that Reggie Jackson famously swatted into the light transformer on Tiger Stadium’s right-center field roof. It might be the most talked about home run in All-Star Game history.

Ellis serves and Reggie feasts in ‘71 All-Star Game in Detroit

Despite drug troubles, a battle with alcoholism, and a volatile personality, Ellis managed to win 138 games in his MLB career. But he lost the hand he played with Sparky Anderson prior to the ‘71 All-Star Game. Or maybe he won. Dock did want to start the game, after all — and he got his wish.

Packers Were In A Giving Mood When They Picked Mandarich

(every Friday during the NFL season, OOB will run a nostalgic feature about the Lions’ upcoming opponents)

Much has been made, especially this week, of the Lions’ failure to win in Wisconsin since 1991. The pundits have rued the day the Pack traded for QB Brett Favre in 1992, which just so happened to coincide with the streak. Even Lions kicker Jason Hanson is wondering if the streak somehow has to do with him — since Hanson was a rookie in ‘92 and has experienced every single loss on the road to the Packers.

But you don’t hear nearly as much about a gift the Packers presented the Lions with in 1989 — one that gave Lions fans just about the only reason to get excited about their team for the ten seasons spanning 1989 to 1998.

It was April, 1989. The NFL Draft. Barry Sanders was the jitterbug running back from Oklahoma State who also returned kicks and who was coming out of college a couple years early to try his hand at pro football. The Lions had just committed to the Run-n-Shoot offense — that scheme that involved four pass receivers running around the field at all times, and one lone running back. The change came about because the previous year, in explaining why he finally fired coach Darryl Rogers, Lions owner Bill Ford Sr. said, “We’re losing and we’re boring.”

So the Lions decided that if they were going to lose, they were going to be as exciting as possible in doing so. They had the Shoot part covered — at least in terms of quantity. But they needed the Run component.

Enter the Packers’ generosity.

As dazzling as Sanders was, as seemingly unlimited his potential seemed, the Packers had their eyes on a hulk of an offensive tackle, right in the Lions’ backyard, in East Lansing.

Tony Mandarich was the biggest thing — literally — to come out of Michigan State University in years. He was considered the best OL prospect to come down the pike in recent memory. The Packers had fantasies of Mandarich anchoring the left side of their line for at least the next ten years. They could always pick up a running back later.

So the Pack, with the no. 1 overall pick, snatched Mandarich off the board. The Lions heaved a sigh of relief.

Barry Sanders became a Lion, thanks to the Packers’ misguided selection of Mandarich, who would soon be derailed by a steroids scandal and gross under performance. The Packers got one of the biggest draft busts in history. The Lions got a Hall of Famer.

I remember being ecstatic when the Packers picked Mandarich. My opinion was the 180 degree opposite of Green Bay’s: when a talent like Sanders comes down the pike, you take him. You can always pick an offensive lineman later.

Sanders held out through training camp and the exhibition season that rookie year, haggling over his contract. Don’t forget that this was still the Russ Thomas Era. Thomas, the Lions’ GM, wouldn’t retire until the end of ‘89. And he was still in charge of contract negotiations, a big reason why Sanders didn’t get signed until just a couple days before the season opener. Then, with virtually no practice, having not played in a football game in about nine months, Sanders simply took his first NFL carry for 19 yards. A legend was underway.

Of course, the Packers had the last laugh. Three years after the Mandarich miss, Favre came to Green Bay, from the Atlanta Falcons. What soon followed were playoff appearances, conference championship games, and eventually two Super Bowls, including a win in SB XXXI. Oh, and those 17 straight wins over the Lions at home.

It’ll be 20 years, believe it or not, come next April when the Lions have the no. 1 overall pick in the 2009 Draft, since the Packers overlooked Barry Sanders and took Tony Mandarich. After a potential 0-16 season, heaven help us if the Lions repeat the Packers’ mistake of that ‘89 Draft.

Sorry.

A Very Special Christmas Day Edition Of "The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al"

Merry Christmas and thanks for stopping by! As you know, every Thursday (even on holidays, obviously) I chat with the MVP of the MVN, Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

This week, we (as usual) talk about the history-making Lions; EMU’s new football coach; the Rob Parker-Rod Marinelli feud, which has gotten very personal; the Tigers’ continued search for a bullpen; what in the world is going on with the Pistons; and, as usual, WordAss. Oh, and instead of Jerk of the Week, we hand out candy and coal in certain folks’ stockings.

As you will….

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Eno: Happy Holidays and welcome to a very special Christmas Day version of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al”. I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Hey, Al!

Big Al: Yo, Eno! Happy Holidays, sir. I was going to make a joke about asking if someone had married a better blogger in your family, but a version has already been done by a columnist in our little town!

Eno: Very funny – I like it! Well, may as well start there. What’s your take on the whole Rob Parker/Rod Marinelli flap?

Big Al: As you well know, I’ve been a Parker jihad for my entire blogging life. I don’t like his writing, or his broadcasting. I do agree that he crossed a line in making what was essentially a bad joke in bringing up Marinelli’s daughter in the post game presser. But…Marinelli deserves to be called out for keeping his son-in-law on staff as the defensive coordinator, even though statistically, his defense is the worst in Lions, and maybe NFL, history. Parker should get a slap on the wrist. Personally, I think Marinelli is enjoying playing the victim here, and made a big show of rejecting Parker’s apology for that reason. Parker has apologized, Marinelli has said his piece, so let’s all move on.

Eno: I agree with you mostly. I think Parker definitely crossed the line, and he’s lucky that wasn’t Mike Ditka or Bill Parcells up there; he would have gotten his clock cleaned. Don’t kid yourself. I also think Parker’s clumsy attempt at an explanation in his column was weak. He was trying to be funny? Trying to get Marinelli to laugh? And he thought THAT was the way to do it?

Big Al: Good point, Mr. Journalist. Marinelli did himself a favor by taking the high road when Parker asked his joke question. A Denny Green or Jimmy Johnson type would have gone medieval on his ass. Parker’s “apology” was revisionist history, as I seriously doubt Marinelli would consider anyone in the media a “friend.” I believe he thinks of the media as something to be tolerated, nothing more. As for humor, I doubt anything would have gone over well after getting blown out 42-7. The only joke was Barry’s defense, which never stopped the Saints till they took a knee at the end of the game.

Eno: 11-for-11 in 3rd down conversions – you don’t even see that in high school! And Gosder Cherilus – whoo boy! I don’t know, man. 0-16 looks like the surest bet in Vegas now, despite the Packers’ 5-10 record. Right?

Big Al: We could pool our money together and make a KILLING in Vegas. The Lions losing in Packer-land is the surest bet of our lifetimes. The Lions haven’t won in Green Bay since the Majik-Man, Don Majkowski, was under center for the Pack. 0-16 is a done deal. As for Cherilus, he hasn’t had the most impressive of rookie seasons, huh? Best case scenario is he becomes another Jeff Backus. Utterly, overwhelmingly, average. Then again, after this season, I’ll take utterly, overwhelmingly average from the Lions. It’d be a massive step forward!

Eno: And what of the other big news – Bill Ford, Sr. saying that 0-16 doesn’t warrant a housecleaning? Like I wrote in OOB, I hope to God he just said everything wrong and that this whole Tom Lewand/Martin Mayhew sticking around thing will be moot once we see who they bring in. But here’s the thing: in order to get who you need, he’s gonna want total control. No one is going to want to come here and work in a committee!

Big Al: I hope your reading between the lines was correct, that there still could be a front office overhaul. But knowing Ford, who seems to dig in his heels deeper and deeper the more public and media sentiment turns against him, he’s going to want to keep the status quo. It’s how he rolls. I’m also afraid that Marinelli will avoid the ziggy as well. But with Millen gone, the world will demand a scapegoat. Marinelli is still the likely person to receive the blame for 0-16. After all, he continues to say, “It’s on me.” God, what a mess this Lions franchise has become. Our only hope may be the NFL stepping in, like the NBA has done in the past in Cleveland and New York.

Eno: Well, Ford is a businessman, no? Then how can you market and sell bringing back the same bozos who led you to 0-16? Ford may be stubborn, but he’s got to understand the bottom line. That’s the only reason Darryl Rogers got fired. The Dome was half empty. Even Ford famously said, “We’re losing and we’re boring.” So it would almost be fun to see him try to bring the same management and coaching team back and see where his ticket sales go.

Big Al: If there are no substantial changes made, ticket sales are going to tank. They’ll be lucky to sell 35K seats a game. Ford may be a businessman, but as his very limited involvement in the family business shows, he’s not a very good one. I’ve always said the wrong Ford bought the team. Henry Ford II, Hank the Deuce, the man who ran Ford Motor with an iron fist, was the Ford grandson with the smarts and the will to win. Instead, we got the idiot brother who can’t do anything right.

Eno: True enough. OK, how about my alma mater, EMU? I love the Ron English hire [as head football coach]. Thoughts?

Big Al: The Eagl…uh, Hurons, could have done much worse. English was considered a real up and comer as Lloyd Carr’s defensive coordinator, until they all were somewhat tarnished in Lloyd’s final season. But English knows the area, has a good pedigree and should be the man to finally change the fortunes of EMU football. The fact that it’s a minority hire doesn’t even matter. English is a solid coach, period.

Eno: Well, EMU has traditionally looked beneath them for their coaches – i.e., smaller schools. I like that English is the first guy they’ve had in a very long time (since Ron Cooper in the early 1990s, who was from Notre Dame) who comes from a big time program. And I like that Eastern brought Lloyd Carr into the search as a consultant. EMU is a sleeping MAC giant; I truly believe that. It’s the closest state MAC school to the metro Detroit area. That’s an advantage that they haven’t exploited in forever. Maybe now with English, who’s said to be a strong recruiter, that will change.

Big Al: It’s a shame EMU has become the red-headed step kid in Detroit college sports. Sure, they’re in the shadow of the Big Blue Machine a couple of miles to the west, but they really should be more of a factor in the MAC. Hopefully English is the start of an EMU renaissance. Or at the very least, make them respectable. Hey, maybe English will take over the Wolverines someday. I’m sure that would have been Carr’s preference.

Eno: We’ll see! OK, I’ve chosen the first two topics. What’s on your plate du week, Monsieur Grand Shot?

Big Al: Of course I have a few things on my mind. Why are we here? Is there an afterlife? How did the tree change from a stick to a full fir in A Charlie Brown Christmas? Oh, you mean in SPORTS? Well, then…I need to think.

Eno: Don’t hurt yourself there!

Big Al: Funny, Mr Eno. Real funny! OK, what’s your thought on the Tigers, and other teams for that matter, sitting on their hands in free agency? The economic downturn, in a way, may be the best thing to happen to the Tigers. They may have a better shot at a pitcher or two as no one (save the Yankees, of course) is handing out big contracts. The price of some pretty good players may come down as we get closer to spring training.

Eno: Speaking of the Yanks, they owe MLB some $25 million, I believe, in luxury tax. Checks are due January 31^st – honest! As far as free agency, you know I’ve never been big on signing arms; I’d rather trade for ‘em. I want to know why the Mets needed Frankie Rodriguez AND JJ Putz! Sheesh! No real urgency now, anyway. Sometimes teams want to see what they have after a few weeks of spring training. The Tigers just need to concentrate on their bullpen. I think the starting rotation, believe it or not, is likely to bounce back. Too many good young arms NOT to. I would focus on the back end of the games, not the beginnings of them.

Big Al: I couldn’t agree more. As the price drops on the big name free agents, the price for average bullpen arms should drop even more. The Tigers should be able to add a couple of very capable bullpen arms before the season starts. They may catch lightning in a bottle, and stumble upon a closer. Bullpens are mercurial things, as you can’t predict performance from year to year. After the year both Fernando Rodney and Joel Zumaya had in 2006, no would have predicted the Tigers would be struggling to find end-of-the-game arms two seasons later. But that’s the nature of bullpens. As the famous Crimson Tide kick returner Forrest Gump once said, “Bullpens are like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.”

Eno: Was that the same Gump who discovered the Watergate break-in and met President Kennedy and helped invent the smiley face? Well, you’re right about mercurial bullpens, but I’d also extend that to the rotation. I just don’t think the Tigers’ starters are going to be struck down by the same baloney as last season. I expect Justin Verlander to bounce back, Jeremy Bonderman to be healthy and better, and Nate Robertson to straighten up. Only Dontrelle Willis am I suspect about, really. Then there’s Kenny Rogers, who STILL doesn’t know if he wants to pitch in 2009.

Big Al: It’s rare for the Tigers to not have their 25-man roster set before the New Year. GM Dave Dombrowski is normally quick to pull the trigger on trades and free agent deals. He did get a shortstop, catcher and another rotation arm, but not signing anyone for the bullpen has me extremely nervous. There really isn’t a single reliever currently on the 40-man roster I’d trust with a late game lead.

Eno: Relax, grasshopper. Confucius say, “plenty of time to get a reliever.” Don’t you know that sometimes they fall off the grapefruit trees toward the middle-to-latter part of spring training? The itchy trigger finger didn’t work last season, did it? I’m willing to let this play out. Don’t forget when the Willie Hernandez trade was made: a week before camp broke in 1984!

Big Al: And I’m still bummed the man with the greatest batting stance of all time, John B. Wockenfuss, who went to the Phillies along with Glenn Wilson, didn’t get a World Series ring! Johnny B! Johnny B! Fuss! OK, with that out of my system, what’re your thoughts on the Pistons’ current issues? They are the fifth seed in the East right now, and don’t look anything like a title contender. Allen Iverson doesn’t seem to get along with Michael Curry, Curry’s rotation seems to be pulled out of a hat on a nightly basis and the Pistons’ defense, long their calling card, is non-existent. Is it time to push the panic button?

Eno: Hmmmm…..well, kinda sorta. I still like to think that this is still part of the meshing process: new coach, new superstar, etc. I don’t like the lack of composure being shown by Rasheed Wallace and Rip Hamilton, especially. And that’s a direct reflection of Curry’s ability to keep his players disciplined. As for Iverson, what makes you think he doesn’t get along with Coach?

Big Al: Well, there’s the fact that [Iverson]’s been benched late in games. Iverson also had more off court issues during his two months in Detroit, than he had in his entire time in Denver. We had the skipping of practice, and now he’s been fined $25K for mouthing off at fans. Maybe it’s just me, but Iverson seems confused on the court, and unhappy off the court.

Eno: Well, you can never tell with those types; are they EVER truly happy? I think what we’re seeing, though, is that this bunch of Pistons isn’t as mentally tough as the Bad Boys. Remember the dinner they took Mark Aguirre to and basically browbeat him into behaving – players only? There really isn’t anyone on the roster who will take the lead in that manner. So it has to come from the coach, who is a rookie. It’s a little dicey, I admit.

Big Al: I don’t think there was a tougher team, both physically and mentally, than the Bad Boys. Nothing fazed them…save for old age. The Pistons are rudderless right now. Turns out Chauncey Billups was more of a stabilizing influence than we all thought. The Pistons still have the pieces to have a good team; I’m not sure Curry has the ability as a rookie head coach to piece them back together. The next question is, if this malaise continues, does Joe Dumars blow this team up sooner or later?

Eno: Well, it’s funny. I have suggested, more than once, that the next coach of the Pistons will be…..Joe Dumars. I wouldn’t hate it. I thought, for a time, that [former Pistons GM] Jack McCloskey wanted to coach the Pistons before he hired Chuck Daly. I put it to him once, and Jack told me that if he wanted to, he would have taken the job. Something tells me that Dumars might, before all is said and done, do a Gregg Popovich and roam the sidelines. But that’s down the line. As for now? I think we might see some serious trade deadline activity if the Pistons are still muddling along at five, six games above .500, heading for a 45, 46-win season.

Big Al: February may be quite interesting for Dumars and the Pistons, considering they have two very large expiring contracts in Rasheed Wallace and Iverson to dangle as bait. It remains to be seen if Dumars makes a move then for players, or would prefer to have that cap room available for free agency after the season ends. Joe D has his work cut out for him in trying to fix his sick team, to say the very least. Ready for some WORDASS?

Eno: Go for it, oh Al of Bigdom!

WORD ASSOCIATION

Big Al: OK, let’s rock and roll. Let’s start with Lions LB Ernie Sims.

Eno: Wow. Um, didn’t I see him on a milk carton today at the supermarket?

Big Al: Very good, Eno! Sims may be the most disappointing of the Lions. How about another Lion, the soon to be owed an $8+ million contract kicker, Leigh Bodden.

Eno: Bodden Bodden. That’s where he belongs.

Big Al: You’re on a roll, good sir! Let’s try one of the central figures in the Lions’ front office, Tom Lewand.

Eno: Show him the money – and make him keep his hands off anything football.

Big Al: Just like Rod Tidwell! One more for you. I’ll stay with my Lions theme and go with Bill Ford, Jr.

Eno: Three words: PLEASE. GET. INVOLVED. You ready for some?

Big Al: Fire away, Eno.

Eno: Someone who I spoke to on Monday and will have written about by the time this is being read: Red Wings “backup” goalie Ty Conklin.

Big Al: He’s NUMBER 1! Plus, I must add, “You’ve been Conk-blocked!”

Eno: I love it! OK, if you’re gonna do Lions, I’ll do Red Wings. Chris Chelios.

Big Al: The 2000 Year Old Man, with apologies to Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner.

Eno: Nice reference! Too bad our kiddie readers won’t get it. OK, the Chicago Blackhawks.

Big Al: No kidding they won’t. (Look it up on YouTube, then learn and laugh) The ‘JHawks? Faux-tenders.

Eno: Really? Wow. OK. Jiri Hudler, who quietly has 13 goals.

Big Al: Coming into his own. The Wings’ ability to to keep finding players like Hudler is why they are the best organization in sports

Eno: OK, before we hand out candy and coal….I know we talked about them recently, but how ’bout those 24th-ranked Michigan Basketball Wolverines?

Big Al: It’s been over 10 years since the Wolverines have been ranked. The Michigan basketball program isn’t all the way back, but they are well on their way. Give coach John Beilein another couple of seasons, and he should have Michigan back where they should be: as a perennial NCAA tournament team. At the very least, Michigan hoops is FUN again, which is something we couldn’t say during the Tommy Amaker and Brian Ellerbee eras.

Eno: Please don’t mention Brian Ellerbee and “era” in the same sentence. I’m trying to keep my lunch down here! I think it’s great what’s happening in Ann Arbor, especially on the heels of such a crummy football season. Now if they’ll only either renovate or replace Crisler Arena!

Big Al: Ellerbee was the wrong coach at the wrong time. He was wrong, period. That seems to be the next move Athletic Director Bill Martin plans: a new practice facility and doing something with Crisler. If they want to compete in the Big Ten for players, Michigan has to upgrade facilities, as Michigan State did.

CANDY AND COAL

Eno: OK, let’s wrap this up. Give me three people who deserve candy in their stocking, and three people who deserve coal!

Big Al: Deserving of candy are…Michigan head coach John Beilein for turning around the hoops culture at U-M, Red Wings D-man Nick Lidstrom for being so damned good, and the last goes to the Detroit blogosphere. You’ll never find a more creative, fun and well written bunch of folks. I’m giving coal to 54 people, actually. The Detroit Lions roster gets not only a lump of coal, but an entire coal mine!

Eno: OK….my candy receivers are EMU for making an intelligent football coaching hire for a change; Mike Babcock for simply being the best coach in the NHL; and Lions placekicker Jason Hanson for not becoming homicidal by now. Coal? How about Detroit News columnist Rob Parker, on principle; Plaxico Burress for throwing it all away; and the NFL officials. They’ve had an awful year.

Big Al: Dead on as always, Mr. Journalist. I’m off to enjoy Festivus, for the rest of us! And maybe that little holiday called Christmas too! All the best to you and yours, Eno!

Eno: Have a great Holiday, and my family’s best to you and yours – truly. I’m having a blast every week. See ya on New Year’s Day!

Big Al: Works for me, looking forward to it! Now where’s my aluminum pole?

Eno: Ugh.

Where Have You Gone, (fill in the blank)?

I know the title of this blog is dedicated to one of my favorite Tigers of all time, Johnny Grubb, but there are a few others who I’d like to place that “Where Have You Gone” prefix in front of, as well.

1. John Wockenfuss. ‘Fuss was Brandon Inge without the defensive chops: a versatile player who could catch, play the outfield, first base, DH, and jack an occasional ball out of the park. No. 14 was as blue collar and hard-working as the city in which he played.

2. John Hiller. My favorite Tigers pitcher. Hiller could do it all: start, long relieve, situational relieve, close — you name it. And he often did it all within a week. A lefty with a wicked strikeout ratio. All this, and he did it after suffering a heart attack in 1971. I never thought Hiller got enough national recognition for what he accomplished after he was stricken at such a young age. If Fergie Jenkins is the best right-handed pitcher from Canada of all time, then Hiller’s got my vote for best Canuck lefty.

3. Tito Fuentes. The Tigers’ first free agent signing, in 1977. Tito was just here to play 2B until Lou Whitaker was ready to take over, but Fuentes gave us his best year — at least in terms of BA (.309; the only time he ever hit .300). Not a great fielder, but a flamboyant, hot doggy player who I emulated when I was a 14-year-old Little Leaguer. The old-timers will remember his little bat flip he did at home plate before every at-bat.

4. Fred Scherman. I don’t know what it was about Scherman, but I just liked him. He was pretty effective as a situational lefty and part-time closer in the early-1970s, until he slammed his fist against a wall in anger one day. He was never the same after that.

5. Champ Summers. I share with Big Al my liking of Summers, the left-handed hitting slugger whose swing was built for Tiger Stadium’s short porch in right. He had a terrific HR/AB ratio, and even though he had an iron glove, his offense turned Detroit on in the early-1980s. Supposedly had a contentious relationship with manager Sparky Anderson, dating from when they were both in Cincinnati.

6. Alex Johnson. Detroit-born Johnson was a head case, but he finished his career with the Tigers in 1976. A former batting champ, Johnson once accused Angels teammate Chico Ruiz of pointing a loaded gun at him in the clubhouse. Brother of NFL running back and U-M grad Ron Johnson.

7. Dalton Jones. Jones was a pinch-hitting specialist, and one day he lost a home run (maybe it was even a grand slam) because he lost track of himself and passed the first base runner on the base path.

8. Kevin Saucier. “Hot Sauce” had a brilliant season in 1981 as the Tigers’ closer, posting an ERA of well under 2.00. His act involved jumping up and down excitedly and slapping his glove after the final out, shaking anyone’s hand that he could grab. Retired abruptly the next season, fearing his sudden loss of control would result in him hurting someone.

9. Chris Pittaro. The kid that was supposed to be so good, Whitaker was going to have to move to 3B to make room for this second sacker phenom. Not so fast.

10. Darnell Coles. His first term with the Tigers was punctuated by the night that he threw a ball out of Tiger Stadium in disgust of the fans’ treatment of him. Playing 3B, he just whipped the baseball over the roof on the third base side during between-inning warmups. No joke.

So there are ten for now — ten Tigers who I’d like to know the whereabouts of. For one reason or another, they stuck to my psyche.

You got any?

Let’s Just Hope That Ford Is Saying Everything Poorly

What is it they say about being careful of what you wish for?

A few weeks ago, I practically begged — actually, I think I DID beg – for Lions owner Bill Ford Sr. to say something, anything, about the state of his football team. You know, that whole winless 2008, one-win-in-more-than-a-year thing. It would be nice, I wrote, if Ford would prove to us that of all the bad things an owner can be indicted of, he’s not guilty of the worst: that he doesn’t care.

Maybe I like it better when he stays quiet.

It’s not so much WHAT Ford said yesterday, reported first by Tom Kowalski and MLive.com — although it wasn’t pleasant to read. It was what he DIDN’T say — and how he DIDN’T phrase what he did say, when talking about the future of the franchise and that of COO Tom Lewand and acting GM Martin Mayhew.

To wit: when asked if the stench of a possible 0-16 season would mean that the Lions would blast a big hole in the vault and rescue what little credibility was left by hiring a “football guru”, Ford said, “It depends. I don’t know about the odds (of hiring a GM with total authority). Let’s see who’s available and what experience they have and see if they fit in any of our slots.”

OK, what he SHOULD have said: “I think that since the model of most winning teams has a brilliant football mind at the top, then we would be foolish not to look at that hard as a model for our organization.”

Translated: I would like to emulate the Patriots and the Colts and bring that type of org chart to the Lions.

Fan reaction: Thank God.

When asked if he was happy with Mayhew’s performance so far, Ford said, “Oh yeah, very.”

What he SHOULD have said: “Martin was placed in a very difficult situation and it’s kind of unfair to judge his performance based on that. I appreciate his hard work.”

Translated: An acting GM has no real influence over the on-field performance when he’s brought in after three games have been played. So how can I answer that intelligently?

Fan reaction: That seems fair.

Finally — and this is a biggie — Ford said this when asked about the job security of head coach Rod Marinelli: “I don’t know, I haven’t made up my mind. I’m leaving it open.”

What he SHOULD have said: “We’ll evaluate Rod at the end of the season, as we always do with our coaching staff.”

Translated: What do you want me to do? Fire him now before I get a chance to talk to him and fire him in private?

Fan reaction: OK, but just see that you do it.

After reading Kowalski’s scoop of a story, I’m trying to remain calm and level-headed. Three things pretty much set fans off: 1. The idea of doing things by committee — one that would include Ford, Lewand, and Mayhew when it comes to the next hire; 2. The throwaway comment re: Mayhew’s performance; and 3. The “leaving it open” remark re: Marinelli.

Here’s, basically, what Ford is saying — before you jump off the Ambassador Bridge: I want Tom Lewand and Martin Mayhew around, in some capacity. We’re going to hire a new football person. I haven’t made up my mind yet about the coach.

I have no problem keeping Lewand. His side is business, and by all accounts he actually does a pretty good job with it. I can even tolerate Mayhew sticking around, though he’s a Matt Millen Man — as long as it’s in a watered down, subordinate role. And I still truly believe that Marinelli will be canned. I think Ford’s “leaving it open” comment was just a poor way of saying it. And it’s making the fans crazy nervous.

But it’s also obvious that I’m not in the majority.

The fan base wants everyone gone — excluding maybe the poor secretaries and administrative assistants who are guilt-free here. The idea of Tom Lewand and Martin Mayhew still being employed creeps people out. I understand that. But will we really care if those guys are still around if a new football man arrives and is given the authority that he needs? And will we care if they’re here if a new coach is in place?

But here’s where you might have me. Ford’s hiring history has been as checkered as a chess board. And the new man might have to swallow being part of a committee with Lewand and Mayhew. That makes the job less attractive for the type of person this situation craves.

So we’ll see. But the comments to Kowalski is far from a piece of candy in the fans’ stockings this Christmas.

So shame on me for beseeching Ford to speak to us. What was I thinking?

Stuckey Is A Point (Guard) Well Taken; Now Let’s Keep Him Around

Isiah Thomas was all of six-foot-one, playing a tall man’s game, yet you couldn’t miss him. You couldn’t help but spot him as he slashed to the basket, laying one in, or as he stuck a dagger of a three-pointer into your heart, or as he played on one good leg in Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

David Bing was six-three, another relatively short guy among the giants. But those giants were often helpless as Bing glided to the hoop, or drained jump shot after jump shot over their outstretched arms.

Bing played on a lot of losing teams in Detroit, but he was no loser himself. And the next person to accuse Isiah, the player, of being a loser will be the first.

Then along came the bigger, stronger Chauncey Billups. It was easier to notice Chauncey physically, and it also became impossible to miss him because of his flair for the dramatic. Mr. Big Shot, they called him. It was largely a Detroit nickname, but it fit well for a time.

All three of them – Thomas, Bing, and Billups – have one thing in common. Championships? Well, no. Isiah and Chauncey have theirs, but Bing never made it that far. Scoring champ? Bing did that, but not the others. The number 1? Hmm, sort of; Bing wore 21, Thomas 11, Billups 1.

What all three have in common is that each of them, every one of them, was banished from the Pistons organization. Three of the best Pistons of their respective time – gone, sent packing. Oh, and all three turned ex-Pistons under the watch of owner Bill Davidson.

It started with Bing. After a fine 1973-74 season in which the Pistons won 52 games and made the playoffs, the team slumped to 40 wins in ’74-’75. But not before Bing had the audacity to hold out for more money in the summer of 1974.

Davidson, who had recently bought out his partners to gain sole control of the Pistons, didn’t understand the idea of a player holding out. Mr. D made his money with Guardian Industries, and to him, a deal was a deal. End of discussion.

Davidson would learn, of course, that pro sports isn’t like most businesses.

But before he saw the light, Davidson had mentally shifted Bing into his private dog house. We didn’t know it, but after Bing held out in 1974, he was as good as gone.

So Davidson had Bing traded in the summer of 1975 to the Washington Bullets for a pugnacious, bratty point guard named Kevin Porter. It didn’t matter that if it wasn’t for Dave Bing, the Pistons might not have made it in Detroit. Honest. It didn’t matter that Bing helped put the Pistons on the NBA map. It didn’t matter that no Pistons guard before him was as talented and gifted as Bing was. It only mattered that Bing had wanted more dough from a previously-signed contract.

Then it happened with Thomas, who led the Pistons to their first two world championships. Isiah became so famous in the league that he turned into one of those one-name stars, like Dr. J, Kareem, Bird, and Magic. He played for 13 seasons in Detroit, joining the franchise when it was nearly moribund.

But all that went out the window when Isiah violated Davidson’s trust and told everyone that he was to one day help run the team from the executive offices.

That revelation wasn’t concurrent with Davidson’s timetable, so Mr. D froze Isiah out. Essentially kicked him out of the Pistons forever.

Just this past November, it happened with Billups, too.

Mr. Big Shot was the Finals MVP in 2004. He, too, came to the Pistons when they were in desperate need of a face, of some respect. Billups became the ring leader for a team that prided itself on being blue collar, just like the city it represented. He became involved in the community. He WAS the Pistons, to many outside of Detroit.

But Billups was traded to the Denver Nuggets, for the future Hall of Famer Allen Iverson.

Three point guards, the best the Pistons ever had. And all became ex-Pistons, in one way or another.

If the Pistons make Rodney Stuckey an ex, they’d have some ‘splaining to do.

Stuckey is the Pistons’ new point guard, in his second year. He attended school at Eastern Washington University. When you find out where EWU is, drop me a line. I’m dying to know myself. The Pistons drafted Bing from Syracuse, and Thomas from Indiana – two places where you routinely go to find NBA players. But Eastern Washington? Score one for the scouting department. And Rand-McNally.

Stuckey is the next big thing with the Pistons – literally. He’s six-foot-five, which would dwarf the point guards in Bing and Thomas’s day. He can drive to the basket, score, or find the open man for an easy hoop. He can nail a jump shot with consistency. He hasn’t played in too many big games yet, but the ones in which he has, he’s played with ice water in his veins. Now his rookie head coach is giving him even more to do.

With Billups gone, Michael Curry is trying something new. He’s starting Stuckey at the point, Iverson at shooting guard, and Rip Hamilton at small forward. The NBA jargon for it is “going small.” Curry’s jargon is “We need more scoring – and we need to give Stuckey more minutes.”

Both missions are being accomplished.

Stuckey is doing that “double-double” thing now with some regularity. Meaning, double digits in points and assists. It’s what Isiah used to do with brilliant monotony. Stuckey was at it again Wednesday night against Washington: 38 minutes, 18 points, 11 assists. Many of those assists went to Iverson, who struck for 28 points. Hamilton added 12, making it 58 points from Curry’s three small men. And many of Stuckey’s own points came as a result of his relentless attack on the basket. The Wizards players seemed helpless against Stuckey’s play, just as Bing’s opponents once had been.

And Curry is letting Stuckey call most of the plays, entrusting him to keep the likes of Iverson, Hamilton, Rasheed Wallace and Tayshaun Prince fed and happy. That Stuckey himself can drop an average of 15-20 points into the basket per night is more than a bonus – it’s an indication of just how talented this kid is.

Since the Pistons had just signed Billups to a big contract extension in the summer of 2007, I wondered after last season where that left Stuckey, who was coming off a fine rookie year and who showed some moxie in the playoffs. Where would Stuckey play, if all the backcourt minutes were going to go to Billups and Hamilton?

Thanks to the Billups trade and Curry’s out-of-the-box thinking, we’re seeing exactly where and how much Stuckey will play. So no banishing him until at least the next Pistons championship – OK, Mr. D?

Treanor Brings The Most Famous Tiger Wife Since ‘88 To Motown

The list of famous wives of Detroit Tigers players isn’t very long, I will grant you that. It’s also not something that normally springs to mind when thinking about the team.

But the Tigers have added, by one, to that tiny list with the signing of backup catcher Matt Treanor yesterday. Treanor is the considerably less famous spouse of Olympic Gold Medalist and pro beach volleyball player Misty May-Treanor.

Misty now joins Nancy Lopez as famous Tigers wives. After those two ladies, the pickings are pretty slim as far as spouses go. And this isn’t to belittle the community and charitable efforts of Tigers wives throughout the years; I only mean famous in terms of name recognition.

Lopez, the retired pro golfer, is still married to Ray Knight, who played for the Tigers in 1988. And it’s another example of the better half nudging out the man for media attention. Knight even served, for a time, as his wife’s caddie on the LPGA Tour.

Knight, these days, works as a TV analyst for Washington Nationals games. Not sure what transgression he committed to get that gig, but there you have it.

Knight came to the Tigers a couple years after his biggest moment in baseball: the ‘86 New York Mets’ improbable comeback in Game 6 of the World Series against Boston. It was Knight, who had singled in the ninth inning, who can be seen giddily racing home with the game-winning run after Mookie Wilson’s dribbler somehow eluded first baseman Bill Buckner. It’s easy to read Knight’s feelings as he’s being mobbed at home plate: namely, “I can’t believe we just pulled this off!”

Knight then went to the Orioles in 1987, and was signed by the Tigers as a free agent in time for the ‘88 season. Tigers manager Sparky Anderson knew Knight from managing him in Cincinnati. Knight’s swan song in Detroit wasn’t anything to write home about, but for a year the Tigers had a player who was arguably less famous than his wife.

Now, just imagine this photo with Misty in a Tigers jersey

Treanor comes to the Tigers from Florida with a good attitude and some knowledge of the current roster. Treanor played with Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis and Nate Robertson while with the Marlins. He says he’s excited to be with a team that he feels is capable of winning. And for the record, Treanor says he is very proud of his wife and her volleyball partner Kerri Walsh.

“I get emotional talking about it, because I know how hard she (Misty) worked for it,” Treanor told the Free Press. “Those women are very inspirational to me.”

Nicely said. And what’s also nice is that the Tigers have settled their catching situation in the past week, inking Treanor after trading for starter Gerald Laird. So at least that’s under control.

Oh, and if you’re a Red Sox fan, don’t look, but here’s the Buckner/Wilson/Knight play from 1986:

Archie Manning Paid His Emotional Dues With Saints; Now He Enjoys Sons’ Success

(every Friday during the NFL season, OOB will run a nostalgic feature about the Lions’ upcoming opponents)

How gratifying it must be to be Archie Manning. Maybe now he realizes that all the losing he experienced as a player might just have been worth it, if this is the payoff.

Quarterback Manning, who wallowed on nothing but bad teams in his 14-year NFL career, is now living vicariously through the exploits of his QB sons Peyton and Eli. Both of them made the Pro Bowl, the first time quarterbacking brothers have made the team in the same season.

Archie as a Saint; gotta love the black pants w/white jerseys!

Archie made two Pro Bowls, in 1978 and ‘79, but the best his New Orleans Saints teams could muster was an 8-8 record in ‘79. A look at his stats at Pro-Football-Reference.com shows an unsightly 35-101-3 record as starting quarterback. But Manning wasn’t the reason, usually, that the Saints lost football games in the 1970s. There was plenty of blame to go around. The Saints were still going through expansion growing pains in that decade, having joined the NFL in 1967. Ironically, on the opening kickoff in their first-ever game, John Gilliam took the kick back for a touchdown. You can’t debut, as a team, any better than that.

But Gilliam’s kick return would be the high point of the franchise for the next three-plus years.

Enter Tom Dempsey.

On November 8, 1970, Dempsey booted a 63-yard field goal as time expired to beat the (who else?) Lions. The Saints had just fired their coach, Tom Fears, and gave replacement J.D. Roberts another rousing debut. But the Saints wouldn’t win another game that season, finishing 2-11-1.

So the Saints had Gilliam’s KO return on their opening play, and Dempsey’s improbable FG three years later, and that was pretty much it for football fun in New Orleans until the mid-to-late 1980s, when the Ragin’ Cajun, QB Bobby Hebert, led the Saints to respectability and even a playoff berth in 1987.

But back to Manning.

The Saints drafted Archie with their no. 1 pick in ‘71, out of Ole Miss. He was to be the franchise savior (sound familiar?). But considering the players with which the Saints surrounded Manning, you could have sued the team for lack of support as Manning’s attorney and have been able to make quite a case on his behalf.

The Saints of the 1970s were awful. Maybe their nadir was in 1977, when they became the first team ever to lose to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers — at home, no less. The Saints had hired Hank Stram as coach, and that loss pretty much ended Hank’s brief tenure in the Bayou. They had two pretty good running backs — Tony Galbreath and Chuck Muncie — and marketed them as Thunder and Lightning. But the only thing that Mother Nature gave the Saints in the ’70s were black clouds.

Manning spent 1982-84 with Houston and Minnesota, and those teams weren’t any good, either.

But now Archie Manning can kick back, relax, and watch his sons achieve the personal and team success that he never did. Both have won Super Bowls — in consecutive years — and both have a good shot at doing it again this year. Well, check the part about relaxing. As any parent will tell you, it can be anything BUT relaxing to watch your kids play and/or perform — no matter how old they are. But the last two football seasons have ended with a Manning hoisting the Vince Lombardi Trophy, so we’re back to the opening paragraph: it’s probably worth all the anxiety.

"The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al" — Webisode #12

Welcome to Thursday at OOB, and another webisode of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al,” my weekly whine with the MVP of the MVN, Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Just because it’s the holiday season doesn’t mean we’re in a charitable mood. Several targets are in our sights this week, including the Lions (what’s new?); the quick-to-fire NBA execs and owners; our struggling Detroit newspapers and their sports writing employees; the Tigers’ lack of a closer; and, of course, we play some WordAss and name our Jerks of the Week.

To wit….

Eno: ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the Web, not a blogger was stirring – except the Knee Jerks!! Welcome to this inane, weekly gabfest. I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Happy Holidays, Almeister!

Big Al: Happy Festivus, Eno! Ready to partake in the feats of strength and the airing of the grievances?

Eno: I love the word “partake” – reminds me of food and beverage, which I partake in lustily, especially around this time of year. The Crown Royal awaits. Anyhow, I suppose we would be remiss if we didn’t talk – AGAIN – about the Lions’ journey toward 0-16. Or is there anything else to say about it, really?

Big Al: A little, actually. In Wednesday’s MLive, Lions beat guy Tom “Killer” Kowalski said that anyone rooting for the Lions to go 0-16 is a not a “true” fan. Personally, I don’t take being lectured to by a journalist very well. I honestly believe fans want the Lions to go zero for the season because it’s the only way William Clay Ford Sr. will wake from his Scotch-induced slumber, and make sweeping changes in his organization. The Lions NEED to go 0-16.

Eno: Like I said the other day at OOB, Rod Marinelli won’t be fired by Ford – he’ll be fired by the circumstances. Never before has Senior had his hand forced like this to fire a coach. But come on, 0-16 gets you fired … right?

Big Al: That’s my biggest fear – that Ford decides to keep the status quo. Any other franchise would have changed direction three-to-four years into what became a historic mess. But with Ford? You just don’t know, which is why 0-16 is necessary. No one can stay employed after having a winless season. Even Ford has to realize it.

Eno: I agree. 0-16 equals the ziggy, plain and simple. Any thoughts about Carl Peterson, who just resigned from the KC Chiefs as their GM? Could he be a candidate for the Lions?

Big Al: Ten years ago, maybe. But now? I wouldn’t be thrilled with Peterson. He hasn’t had a very good decade. They were almost as happy in KC to see Peterson go as we were to see [Matt] Millen get the boot. I would honestly prefer someone much younger, who could stay for 15-20 years. The likes of Peterson or (former Titans GM and current ESPN talking head) Floyd Reese are short-timers, in my mind. But if….GAK…Mayhew stays, an older, established GM might be the way to go. It’s not how I would do it, but Ford just might.

Eno: Well, here’s what MUST happen: if Mayhew stays (I agree with your GAK), then an established head coach has to be paired with him. If you go with a new exec, then I would tolerate a first-time head coach, as long as the new exec has credibility. But you CANNOT keep Mayhew and go the cheap route, i.e. a position coach or a coordinator. It’s GOT to be someone with head coaching chops.

Big Al: From your blog to Ford’s desk, Eno. What’s even scarier in my mind is the fact there looks to be several front office openings available, so the Lions need to move fast, but not make a mistake in doing so. It’s the old manufacturing paradigm: You want it done faster, better and cheaper. But you can only have two [of those three]. This is the most critical time in Lions history, and they absolutely cannot afford to make another hiring mistake.

Eno: I agree about it being the most critical, if for no other reason than they will now have to respond to the most inglorious of all records: a winless 16-game season. How they respond may dictate their legacy as a franchise. This SHOULD be a turning point in franchise history. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could tell our grandkids, “Son, I remember when the Lions bottomed out at 0-16, and yet they rose, like a Phoenix….”? What about you? Do you think the historical implications of 0-16 will hit you right away, or will it take a while to sink in, that we really did live through this?

Big Al: It’ll make a HUGE splash initially, just because of the 24/7 news cycle world in which we live. But in the long run, I honestly think it’s overblown. If the Lions, as you say, miraculously rise from the ashes, it will be remembered like the Tigers’ 119-loss season [of 2003]. It was necessary, even inevitable. I know the 1976, 0-14 Tampa Bay Buccaneers team is often thought of as the worst ever, but no one thinks the Bucs are a bad franchise anymore. The next few seasons will ultimately determine how we think of this season.

Eno: OK, enough of that. What in Sam Hill is going on in the NBA? Reggie Theus gets the ziggy in Sacramento, bringing to six the number of coaches who’ve been canned since the beginning of the season. And the NHL isn’t far behind. What gives, Mr. Big Shot?

Big Al: No one has patience anymore. Everyone wants instant gratification. I’m already hearing the rumblings of unhappiness regarding the performance of the Pistons rookie head coach, Michael Curry. Most any coach or GM deserves two-to-three years to implement their system. But there is so much money at stake in today’s sports, that no one is willing, save for the polar opposite William Clay Ford, to wait for results. They want it NOW, if not sooner. It’s not right, but that’s the current landscape.

Eno: And some of these rosters are awful, that these guys have to coach. Speaking of Curry, I know it’s early, but what’s your gut tell you about this guy? Is he the Pistons’ coach in 2010-11, when all these spiffy free agents are available, or will [Joe] Dumars show his fetish for firing coaches by that time?

Big Al: His lack of coaching experience is being exposed early on in this season. His rotation changes often seem to be (pun intended) knee jerk reactions. I think Dumars knows what he has, and will ride it out for at least the next couple of years. But Curry does have to grow into the job, as I wouldn’t want the current version of Curry running this team if Dumars does go after the one or two superstars in either ‘09 or ‘10. Do you think Curry is on a shorter leash than we may have been led to believe?

Eno: Meaning….??

Big Al: This is the first coach Dumars hired who didn’t have a track record of some sort. I’m thinking Curry may be only a one or two season guy; that Dumars will bring in a more experienced coach when he finally purges what’s becoming a somewhat old roster.

Eno: You know what, I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe like how he canned Rick Carlisle in favor of Larry Brown? Could be. But that may not be the INTENTION – just what ends up happening. Some coaches are just good enough to get you to a certain level, then you hire someone else to get you over the hump. The Red Wings did that when they replaced Bryan Murray with Scotty Bowman. I can see that happening with Curry, although I think Dumars would love for MC to be “the guy” for a long time.

Big Al: Which may be what saves Curry, at least for the time being. He’s always been Dumars’ “guy,” even back in his playing days. I like Curry, and he was the sort of player you’d think would turn into a good coach. Curry maximized his limited athletic ability to its absolute fullest. Curry had to work harder and play smarter than those with far greater natural ability. I hope the same proves true as a head coach, but the jury will be out for quite some time to come.

Eno: How come the benchwarmers are always the guys who would “make a good coach or manager”? It’s funny. No one ever says, “That Nicklas Lidstrom – he’d make a good coach someday.” But they WILL say, “That Michael Curry – he’s a coach in the making!” That always cracks me up, but it’s not without precedent: great players rarely make great coaches – I get that.

Big Al: It is weird, as you’d think the uber-talented would be excellent coaches. But they rarely pan out. Ted Williams, Wayne Gretzky, Frank Robinson, Larry Bird, Isiah Thomas, the list of failed head coaches/managers who were great players is long. One of the few I can think of who was actually an excellent head coach who was also a Hall of Fame caliber player was the Lions’ Joe Schmidt. But he’s the exception to the rule.

Eno: Well, don’t forget that Bird led the Pacers to the NBA Finals, no? And Williams was Manager of the Year in 1969, but his disdain for pitchers quickly wore thin in Washington. See? Aren’t you glad I’m here to point out your bad examples? What WOULD you do without me? OK, I’m volleying the ball into your court: what’s on that frazzled mind of yours, Al?

Big Al: But the examples you mentioned never won it all, and quickly wore out their welcome. Anyway… I think something we should bring up is the current situation the Detroit newspapers find themselves in. Bloggers and journalists often find themselves at odds (Jerry Green HATES me, for example), but bloggers do heavily depend upon beat writers for information. As you are a working journalist, what’s your take on what’s happening at the Freep and News?

Eno: Well first of all, your description of me is appreciated but is also an oxymoron: working journalist? Anyhow, I think newspapers are, sadly, in dire straits and this is only the beginning. What’s interesting to me is that it’s a double-edged sword. There are more outlets for writers, of course, but who’s really good anymore? Gone are the likes of Jim Murray, whose stuff was biting, hilarious, and just plain awesome. The pie is sliced so thin anymore. I know about you and Green, and I’ve kept out of it, as I count Jerry among my pals. But I can see where the frustration comes in. It’s the same with TV. EVERYONE is a TV producer nowadays. That was my original vocation, so I have some sensitivity there, too. But what are you gonna do? I do think, though, that print journalists would do themselves a favor if they embraced bloggers and their input rather than scorned them.

Big Al: Personally, I have the utmost respect for the beat writers, as they truly are on the front lines. I’m sure traveling with a team for an entire season takes the romanticism out of sports. But the journalists that should be worried are the columnists. They seem to be the ones most threatened by the blogosphere, and tend to be the ones to take potshots at guys like me. What we saw happen in Detroit Tuesday, their cutting back on home delivery and taking the first step into going online only, is going to be happening all over the nation, sooner than later. Personally, I think the Detroit News is dying, and will be gone within a couple of years. Not many cities can support two [daily] newspapers. I don’t think Detroit can, not anymore. I do agree that journalists should be more like bloggers. I want opinion and analysis, not a glorified version of the AP game story. I do feel bad for many journalists who are very good at what they do, but there are as many who have been on auto-pilot for years and needed the wake up call they are currently getting. The next few years are going to be fascinating.

Eno: Absolutely. You gotta understand that a lot of the older guys, especially, spent most of their working lives building an audience, and it seems to have been eradicated so quickly – or at least significantly reduced. And these are guys who started with typewriters, don’t forget! I think the younger journalists are able to suffer us easier. But there’s something to be said about getting better if you get nudged a little. I think that the columnists who choose to “raise their game” in light of what’s happening, rather than grouse about it, are going to be better off. OK, anything else you want to talk about?

Big Al: Since we last spoke, the Tigers traded young corner outfielder Matt Joyce to the Tampa Bay Rays for 14-game winning starting pitcher Edwin Jackson. Thoughts on the trade have been mixed, at best. Jackson is your typical Dave Dombrowski pitcher: big, strong, tall, plus fastball. He also thinks the strike zone runs from the bill of the cap down to the ankles. Joyce, on the other hand, showed tons of potential in his half season in the bigs, and is something the Tigers have lacked for years: a left-handed bat with power. What’s your take on the trade?

Eno: Well, I love those left-handed sticks, but I like arms more. The Tigers don’t need offense; they need pitching and defense – which, I believe, are about to enter their 115th straight season of being the Most Important Things A Baseball Team Can Have. There’s still Jeff Larish, after all. If you can hit, you can hit. I don’t know where it says you have to have “X” number of lefty bats in your lineup. I’m all for it. I’d always rather trade for a pitcher than sign one. Those free agent pitchers tend to go sideways before the ink even dries on the contract. Your thoughts?

Big Al: I can see what the Tigers were thinking in this deal. You can’t have enough arms. But Jackson’s peripherals have been awful. His career WHIP [walks plus hits per innings pitched] is over 1.50, which is God awful. There are a few other red flags as well. Jackson was removed from the Rays’ rotation during the playoff run, meaning he was considered their worst starter. There’s also the fact that they traded a 14-game winner for a still unproven corner outfielder, which are damn near a dime a dozen. My worry is Jackson will, like the rest of the Tigers’ staff last season, be unable to throw strikes….ever. The bullpen is still untouched as well. There’s no closer, the set up men are wild and injury prone. The Tigers have other holes to fill.

Eno: My, that glass isn’t half-empty in your mind – it’s damn near dry! But I hear you. One team’s trash is another’s treasure, I understand. But you almost HAVE to take some fliers on some arms right now. The pitching has to come from SOMEWHERE. I liked Joyce, but….you gotta give up something, as they say. I didn’t expect the Tigers to fill all their holes at the Winter Meetings; sometimes the best times for the best trades are about 2/3 through spring training. You can make some gems then. OK, how about we play something I like to call WordAss?

Big Al: Such language! Well…I never…Oh, you mean Word Association? That’s different. You want to start it off?

WORD ASSOCIATION

Eno: Sure! OK….Scott Shafer, former U-M defensive coordinator

Big Al: A bad fit.

Eno: The NEXT U-M D-coordinator…..

Big Al: That’s a tough one. A Michigan Man!

Eno: Ahhh….OK. Spencer Haywood, who by the time folks read this will have been honored with a night at UDM

Big Al: Under appreciated.

Eno: Antonio McDyess

Big Al: Roster glue. A few for you, sir. Let’s start with the Tigers’ closer in 2009.

Eno: Hopefully not in the organization currently.

Big Al: Funny! How about the Lions’ placekicker who just missed making the Pro Bowl, Jason Hanson?

Eno: I’ve always said: replace Bubbles the Rampant Lion with a silhouette of Hanson kicking on the Lions’ helmets!

Big Al: Works for me. Bubbles is overrated. Someone who’s off to a slower start than usual, the Wings’ Nick Lidstrom.

Eno: He IS? I hadn’t noticed. I thought it was Nik Kronwall who was struggling. Lidstrom: Today’s Mechanical Man, with apologies to Charlie Gehringer.

Big Al: Well, a slow starting Lidstrom is still better than most NHL D-men. Then again, the entire Wings’ blue line, if you go by goals against, is off to a slow start.

Eno: OK, two more for you: first, the Manning Brothers, Peyton and Eli, both Pro Bowlers.

Big Al: Mannings? Hmmm… Over exposed, but not overrated

Eno: Nice. I love Peyton’s commercials. I think he’s funny as Hell. OK, finally, Sean Avery

Big Al: Good riddance to that self-aggrandizing trash!

Eno: Wow, Mr. Bettman, I mean Mr. Beaton!

Big Al: Indeed. [Red Wings coach] Mike Babcock was recently asked about Avery, and he told a story where he basically said 4th line players need to be very low maintenance. That’s the last thing you can say about Avery.

Eno: No doubt. One more topic before we switch to Jerk of the Week: your thoughts on the upcoming outdoor NHL game at Wrigley Field?

Big Al: It’s going to be fun to watch, and it’s quite a spectacle. But why do it on a day where you’re competing with college football for attention? The NHL having its showcase game on New Year’s Day never made sense to me. Though I will admit I’d love to see the Winter Classic be held in the Detroit Metro area one day.

Eno: Good point; it would seem the LAST thing they need is competition. I’m dying to see it, frankly. I thought it was cool as all get out last year when the Sabres and Pens played amidst the snowflakes. Keep it among the Original Six, btw. That probably won’t fly, will it? Could they ever have it in Detroit? Comerica Park? Michigan Stadium?

Big Al: Seems to me either place would work well. In my mind, the Wings not being considered to host the game is just another way the Wings are always dissed by the NHL. They’d rather bring the Wings into a town, as they are such a great draw. The NHL takes the Red Wings too much for granted.

JERK OF THE WEEK

Eno: Well, they’ve been great for 14 years now; some in the NHL probably don’t even know what it’s like to NOT have a strong franchise in Detroit. OK, who’s your Jerk of the Week, sir?

Big Al: I’m going with Auburn University for their outright strange hiring of Gene Chizik as their head coach. You’d think the War Eagles could get someone with more than two years experience as a head coach and a 5-19 record at Iowa State. If Michigan had made that sort of hire, AD Bill Martin would have been forced to go into the Witness Protection Program. It’s as strange of a big time college football hire as I’ve ever seen. Who’s on your bad side, Eno? Your Jerk of the Week is…?

Eno: Yeah, that Auburn thing was weird. Sir Charles Barkley had a fit. OK, I’m going with Tiger Woods’s caddie, Steve Williams, for his disparaging remarks about Phil Mickelsen, then trying to laugh it off as just being funny. If you’re No. 1 in the world, you don’t need to be dissing those below you, do you? And kudos to Tiger for calling Williams out the next day.

Big Al: You’d think even semi-public figures like Williams would know by now that anything they say in today’s world is going to get out. I’m sure he never thought what he said would reach the states. Yeah, right.

Eno: Exactly. OK, Mr. Big Shot. I guess we should tell folks that next week, since TKJ falls on Christmas Day, we will dispense with Jerk of the Week and give our list of those whose stockings should be filled with coal, and whose deserves candy!

Big Al: I’m already mining for coal, so I’ll be ready!

Eno: Alright! See ya next week!

Big Al: Take care, and Happy Festivus! Get out your aluminum pole!

Eno: Wow, that sounds dirty!

Big Al: It sorta does. My mind is in the gutter!

Eno: Or mine is, one of the two.

No Bumbling Allowed: That’s What NBA Stands For This Season

When the number of NBA coaches who’ve been canned before Christmas starts to approach the number of teams Larry Brown has helmed, then you know something freakish is going on.

Reggie Theus was the latest to get the ziggy, by the Sacramento Kings. That brought to six the number of coaches who will find coal in their stocking this holiday season. Of course, that coal comes with generous severance pay, so I don’t mean to go all Charles Dickens on you here. The deposed coaches won’t be standing in any soup kitchen lines, let’s put it that way.

But they’re out of work, and there’s no telling how many of them will resurface with other NBA teams.

The carnage so far, in no particular order:

1. Eddie Jordan, Washington Wizards
2. Maurice Cheeks, Philadelphia 76ers
3. Sam Mitchell, Toronto Raptors
4. PJ Carlesimo, Oklahoma City Thunder
5. Randy Wittman, Minnesota T-Wolves
6. Theus, Sacramento

Oh, and just for the record, Brown is now coaching his ninth NBA team — or 30% of the league. He’s now matched Scotty Bowman’s number of Stanley Cup rings. Another fun fact: amazingly, only one of the teams that canned a coach is one of Brown’s formers: the 76ers.

So what in the name of Bum Phillips is going on here?

You remember Bum, don’t you? Former head coach of the Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints? Well, it was ole Bum who once said this about his profession: “There are two kinds of coaches: those that have been fired, and those who are gonna be fired. And I’ve been both.”

Indeed, as have countless others.

It might be a cop out, but I think this is nothing more than an anomaly. Nothing like this has happened before, with coaches being dismissed at such a rapid pace, and I don’t see where it’s likely to happen again soon. It could also be the herd mentality, which might make it easier for other owners and GMs to lower the guillotine after they see so many of their brethren doing likewise. Certainly there’s some sort of “firing fever” spreading throughout the NBA, which this season stands for No Bumbling Allowed.

Digging deeper, it may be that teams look at today’s NBA as a little more wide-open than in the past. Beyond the Celtics, there are a bunch of teams that like to fancy themselves as title contenders, and then there’s a tier of teams just below that — and this would include some of those who fired their coach — who feel they can get a piece of the pie if they play their cards right, set themselves up for the mother lode of free agency in 2010, and make themselves as attractive suitors as possible. Axing the bumbling coach fits nicely into that plan.

Jordan was coach of the year in 2007. Cheeks, until recently, had Sixers fans thinking more glory days were ahead with him on the sideline. Mitchell was once trumpeted as the kind of hard-nosed, no-nonsense man that was perfect for the young Raptors. Yet all were dumped, victims of maybe too-high expectations. On the other end of the spectrum, Carlesimo didn’t have a prayer with awful Oklahoma City. Wittman was handcuffed with a wretched roster in Minnesota. Theus didn’t have much to work with in Sacramento, either. But out they go, too, because pro sports is filled with owners and executives who think, “It can’t be the talent, because I was the one who brought in the talent — so it must be the coach!”

The NHL has firing fever, too. Four of them are gone, including Denis Savard in Chicago after just four games, and Barry Melrose in Tampa after sixteen. But they still can’t beat Bill Gadsby, who was fired by Red Wings owner Bruce Norris after a 2-0 record in 1969. Norris was a notorious drinker, and Gadsby told me a couple of years ago that there was a cocktail on Norris’s desk as he delivered the sobering (ironic pun intended) news to his coach.

That was the earliest firing in Detroit, and in all of pro sports — almost. The Rams gave George Allen the ziggy after just two games — two pre-season games — in 1978. The Tigers fired Phil Garner after an 0-6 start in 2002. The Lions dumped Rick Forzano after four games in 1976. The Pistons rid themselves of Dick Vitale after 12 games in 1979.

Yes, it’s the hazard of the professional coach: that you’re hired to be fired.

“It’s funny,” former Pistons coach Earl Lloyd said when he took over for Butch van Breda Kolff after VBK committed a self-ziggy in 1971, “but when you take this job, you’re also signing your own death certificate.” Lloyd was ziggied about a year later.

So who’ll be the next NBA coach to be unemployed? It’s assumed that there’ll be a moratorium until after the holidays, giving us some time to mull it over. My guess? Mike Dunleavy of the LA Clippers. His teams have been getting progressively worse over the past few seasons. Just a hunch.

Northrup Is Convinced: Flood’s Stumble Didn’t Matter

There’s a wonderful book that’s been out for quite some time, written by Richard Bak, called Cobb Would Have Caught It, which is a historical look at the Tigers.

Jim Northrup would like to, I believe, write his own book one day and title it, Flood WOULDN’T Have Caught It.

I saw Northrup, the former Tiger who played on the 1968 World Series championship team, signing books at the Borders book shop at Oakland Mall over the weekend. And it reminded me of a conversation he and I had about ten years prior.

At the time, Northrup and I were an unlikely pair, trying to make a TV show work. I was co-producing it, a local cable show where Northrup and Oakland Press sports writer Jim Hawkins went on the air and tried to sell baseball memorabilia to the viewers. It wasn’t a very good show, but it enabled me to pick the Gray Fox’s brain in between rolling tape.

Inevitably, the discussion turned to Northrup’s famous drive in the seventh inning of Game 7 that sailed over the head of Cardinals center fielder Curt Flood. The clutch hit was a triple that drove in two runs and sent the Tigers on their way to victory. And since Flood plainly stumbled as he went back for the ball, it was widely believed that it was Flood’s misstep that enabled Northrup’s hit to go uncaught.

That belief clearly has Northrup steamed — at least it did when he railed at me back in 1998.

“There’s no way Flood would have caught that! Take a look at it again. That was a rope!”

That’s the G-rated version of what Northrup said after I brought up the hit and the notion that it was Flood’s stumble, not Northrup’s power, that opened the floodgates.

You could tell that history’s version of Northrup’s smash off Bob Gibson rankled the Fox to no end. His face literally turned red and you could almost see his insides clench.

Of course, I’d seen the play countless times prior to Northrup’s rant, and I confess to buying into the version that says Flood would have caught it had he not stumbled. But now when I see it, I try to look at it from Northrup’s point of view. Trouble is, the only available video accounts of the hit don’t really enable the viewer to see the ferocity with which the ball was driven. All you pretty much see is Flood going back. Yet Northrup, of course, would know as well as anyone how hard he hit the ball, and on what sort of line. And he’s absolutely convinced that Flood didn’t have a prayer — stumble or no stumble.

Here’s the play (good luck trying to verify Northrup’s assertion. But I will say this: don’t EVER argue the matter with him):

What Else To Say About Lions — Especially When You Don’t Watch The Game?

31-21? To the Indianapolis Colts? The 10-4 Colts with the seven-game winning streak, and just one season removed from a championship? And it was tied, 21-21, early in the fourth quarter? And Peyton Manning only threw for one touchdown pass?

What, did the Colts all have one hand tied behind their backs?

I didn’t watch this one. Correction: I saw the Colts’ opening drive — the expected hot knife-thru-butter, 78-yard affair that ate up half of the first quarter. Then I saw the Lions’ cold-butter-on-bread, three-and-out struggle, then I saw the Colts muff the ensuing punt. Then the TV got switched off and it was time to head out for a school affair with our daughter and the grandmoms. The DVR was used, but I doubt I’ll watch it. The game only got recorded because the last thing I would have wanted to happen was to come home and find out that the Lions pulled off a miraculous upset and I had no evidence to confirm it. So I’m sure the game will fall victim to the “delete” button soon.

No need to write much about the loss. It’s no. 14 on the way to the infamous Sweet Sixteen. Another game in which the Lions’ opponents sandbagged their way through much of it, only ratcheting it up when absolutely necessary. They really almost can beat the Lions with one hand tied behind their backs.

Yet it would be soooo typical if the Lions went into Green Bay at 0-15, and fouled everything up by beating the mediocre Packers, simultaneously avoiding 0-16 and snapping their 0-17 streak in Wisconsin. I don’t know what to say about it except that there would be all sorts of irony in there, among the muck of this season.

But this winless campaign sets up maybe the most interesting off-season in franchise history. Never before has owner Bill Ford Sr. had his hand forced with the coaching situation. Head coach Rod Marinelli isn’t going to be fired by Ford — he’s going to be fired by circumstances. 0-16 gets the coach fired, even in Detroit — to answer Darryl Rogers’ legendary question about what it takes to get the ziggy. So Ford will have no choice but to broom Marinelli, asking him to pack up his rock and his shovel and take his thoughts about invisibility with him. That much is certain. But what’s not so certain is who the next administration will be. I can’t wait for the hot stove league to fire up.

Meanwhile, get a good look at this bunch, because you’re not likely to see more than a handful of them ever again. I reckon that as many as 20-25 of the current Lions will be released into the private sector before next football season, joining the rest of us stiffs who are trying to earn a dollar. Maybe half of the remaining 30 or so players will wind up as backups elsewhere or on some team’s practice squad, and the other half might stick around, temporarily. Like I said before, I’d keep Calvin Johnson, Jason Hanson, and take my chances with 51 rookies, free agents, and the like.

It’s getting boring writing about the Lions. This is the time of the year where you run out of things to say about all the losing. But at least there’s the historical implications that two more losses — just two more! — will bring. That’ll liven things up a bit, at least.

Quarterback Dan Orlovsky says there are 15 plays out there that happened this year that, had they gone the Lions’ way, would have transformed them into a .500 team. I’m serious. He really said that after yesterday’s game. It’s a nice sentiment, but as was pointed out, the Lions don’t have the requisite talent or skill to have turned those 15 mysterious plays in their favor — and that’s why those plays, whatever they were, went against them. He may as well have said, “If only we had better players, we would be a .500 team.” At least he would have been spot on in his assessment. Instead, he just looks like a boob — just like his head coach.

I don’t know what Marinelli said to Colts’ coach and longtime friend Tony Dungy after the game, but I hope some of it included, “Hey — if you need a d-line coach next season, ring me.”

Don’t recent former Lions head coaches seem to land on their feet? Marty Mornhinweg with the Philadelphia Eagles, Steve Mariucci with the NFL Network. Dick Jauron with the Buffalo Bills. Hey, even Bobby Ross ended up with Army. Come to think of it, Marinelli is a military man. It’s food for thought.

Stanley Cup Or Bust For Hossa?

Marian Hossa has about six months left in Detroit. Maybe. It’s borrowed time that he’s spending in the Motor City, and no one knows just how finite it is. He could be gone in June, a Stanley Cup champion. Or not.

It’s typical when the short-timer and the media get together. The short-timer wants to talk about now. The media wants to talk about later. The result is that nothing gets accomplished.

So we don’t know if Hossa, the Red Wings’ prized free agent signing of the summer, will play in Detroit beyond this season, having signed just a one-year deal last July. We don’t know if this Stanley Cup-or-bust move of his will pay off. And of course, we’re not about to listen to him as he tries to convince us that it’s all about the present.

“I’m not too worried about money now,” Hossa said as he engaged us skeptics via phone the other day.

Well, no – of course he’s not. He shouldn’t, since he’s being paid millions to be yet another superstar player just trying to fit in on the best hockey team on the planet.

But those millions are only through this season. Hossa spurned a chance to rake in millions more, for many more years, when he instructed his agent to phone the Red Wings and talk about a one-year commitment. The logic was simple, really: I want to win a Cup – and Detroit’s about as good a place as any to give that a whirl. So goodbye, guaranteed long-term contract elsewhere – like in Pittsburgh, from where he came, or someplace else. Edmonton was a player in the Hossa Sweepstakes. It was reported that the Oilers had scraped up enough Canadian dough to make Hossa one of the richest players in the NHL, or any HL in the world.

“I have no regrets,” Hossa says. “I came to Detroit for one reason.”

Don’t they all?

If you want to gamble and see a show, you go to Vegas. If you want to grab a cheese steak hoagie, you go to Philly. And if you want to win a Stanley Cup, you go to Detroit. The Red Wings have won four of them in the past 11 years – or often enough to fend off the dogs who call in to sports talk radio and pound away sans spell check on the Internet message boards.

“Expectations are really high here,” Hossa said as he spoke of how the superstar player like himself gets his juices flowing when the ante is raised. “So far it’s been great. I try to play my best. We have lots of great players. Right now, we’re just having fun winning games.”

There it is again – “right now.” If you want to talk to Hossa about what may happen past the 82-game regular season and the playoffs, you’re out of luck. I know. I tried.

Playing Devil’s Advocate, I asked Hossa, who leads the Red Wings in scoring by the way, about the unthinkable – namely, if there’s a team hoisting the Cup next spring that doesn’t have a Winged Wheel on the front of its jersey. Does he stay on and try it again in Detroit?

“That’s hard to say,” he says, and by then you already know that he’s fending you off, like he does every night with the puck against opposing players who futilely try to take it from him. “(The Red Wings) have quite a few other players they have to sign. It also depends on the salary cap – whether it goes up or not. There are a few things to figure out. I’m not thinking about next year right now.”

Well, that makes one of us.

It’s hard not to fast forward to next summer and wonder where Hossa fits in, if he does at all, with the Red Wings. His parry of my question was astute: the Red Wings do, indeed, have a number of high-profile people to sign. That group includes Henrik Zetterberg, who’s the best player on the ice on the nights when Hossa or Pavel Datsyuk is not, and Johan Franzen, the Red Wings’ Scoring Mule. It’s a long shot that GM Ken Holland can keep everyone in the fold, as he now operates under a budget that isn’t infinite, like the good old days, pre-labor lockout.

So forget about getting any introspective comments from Hossa about the future. For now, he’s a very happy camper in Detroit.

He speaks highly of coach Mike Babcock (“He likes details. He can play different systems, which makes him one of the best coaches in hockey”). All he said about captain Nick Lidstrom was that Lidstrom “is the best Swede to ever play.” And he recognizes and relishes the passion for hockey in his current hometown (“People talk about hockey and the Red Wings here. It gets you going”).

In other words, let me enjoy this while I can, OK?

Hossa doesn’t want to repeat this end-of-Finals disappointment in Detroit

On Wednesday night against the Calgary Flames, Hossa was a terror – and he didn’t even score a point. It wasn’t for anything he didn’t do. It was just one of those nights when the other team got lucky that no. 81 didn’t get on the scoresheet. Because it was another game in which Hossa had the puck a lot, and when he didn’t have it, he just went and got it again.

This fetish for controlling the puck was at its most ridiculous during a 15-to-20 second sequence that started with Hossa barreling down the left wing on a pseudo breakaway, continued with him being checked at the last moment just before he was about to deke the goaltender, and ended with Hossa skating three-quarters of the length of the ice to take the puck back, as he is its rightful owner, you know. That play didn’t have any bearing on the game, per se, but it wasn’t any less fascinating.

The Red Wings’ most talented players are also the hardest working. The team has, at the same time, three of the best offensive forwards in the game in Hossa, Zetterberg, and Datsyuk. They also happen to be three of the best defensive forwards in the game, too. So the question begs: will that trio become a duo next off-season?

In Hossa’s words, “That’s hard to say.”

But easy to imagine. And curse the thought.

Leyland Should Have Followed His Own Advice Months Ago Re: His Contract

So Jim Leyland says we shouldn’t talk about the white elephant in the room. He’s certainly not, he says. Uh-uh. None of that talk in 2009. It’s all about baseball and winning games for his Detroit Tigers.

But Leyland conveniently left out that it was he, Jim Leyland, who placed that white elephant in the room to begin with.

The white elephant is Leyland’s contract situation. The manager is signed only thru 2009, and not one day beyond that season. It’s often referred to as a “lame duck” scenario — and one that supposedly invites dissension as dog doo-doo invites flies.

First, that’s not always true. Managers and coaches have worked the final years of contracts since time immemorial and have done just fine, thank you — and so have their teams. The players have even behaved themselves; imagine that.

Second, tough cookies. Leyland is lucky to have a job.

Leyland says shut up and let him manage; will he follow suit?

I’ve written it before here — that Jim Leyland did absolutely nothing to warrant an extension beyond his current contract. He and GM Dave Dombrowski were the Mutt and Jeff of the Tigers, and that’s not a compliment in this instance. Both had miserable 2008s. Both are on the hot seat.

Leyland, some say, is unhappy and disappointed that the Tigers didn’t extend him. Again, tough. Where does it say that a manager or coach has to be signed beyond the upcoming year? And all this stuff about “lame duck” is a bunch of hooey. As Leyland himself finally admitted this week, if a manager is to be fired, he’ll be fired — no matter how many years he has left on his pact. And I’ll say it again: Dodgers manager Walt Alston worked over 20 years on one-year deals. Wanna question those teams’ success rate?

Here’s a sampling of Leyland’s comments about the matter, published in the Free Press.

“That’s [contract] not an issue. It’s very simple: If we do well, I’ll probably still be there. If we don’t, I won’t. But I’m not going to make that a subject all year long, talking about things that aren’t important, because that’s not really important. What’s important is getting our team to spring training, getting back in the good grove, getting our guys healthy and playing baseball.

“No matter where you are or what your contract is, when you do good, you stay. If you don’t, at some point you go. I’ll leave it at that. That’s the end of the conversation for the rest of the year about that.”

Nice. If only he had come to that realization before he opened his mouth and whined about it in October.

Leyland, in those comments, basically verbalized a truth that amazingly appeared to have eluded him a couple months ago.

But it’s also disingenious for Leyland to tell us to mind our own bees’ wax when it comes to contracts, since it was he who opened Pandora’s Box in the first place. Granted, someone in the media would have brought up the matter, since some folks seem so infatuated with managers who don’t have contracts lasting beyond the upcoming season. But then it would have been OK for Leyland to say, “No comment, next question.” Instead, he bellyached about it, drew attention to it, which couldn’t have pleased his owner, and is only now saying what he should have said from the get go.

Leyland is like the guy who yells “Fire!” in a crowded theater then scolds everyone for wondering where the fire is.

I just hope he takes his own advice and zips his lip when it comes to his contract status. Like he says, “No matter where you are or what your contract is, when you do good, you stay. If you don’t, at some point you go. I’ll leave it at that.”

God, I hope so.

Colts’ Super Loss To The Jets Left A Bad Taste For Years

(every Friday during the NFL season, OOB will run a nostalgic feature about the Lions’ upcoming opponents)

When rookie kicker Jim O’Brien nailed the 32-yard field goal at the final gun to win Super Bowl V for the Baltimore Colts, it looked as if O’Brien’s team was the happiest bunch of football players on Earth. The kick was followed by the usual jumping up and down, screams of elation, and the hoisting of the head coach toward the sky. O’Brien, of course, was in the center of the mob.

Turns out many of the Colts were satisfied. They were glad they won. But they were hardly happy.

“That should have been our second Super Bowl win,” sneered linebacker Mike Curtis for NFL Films years later. And with Curtis, sneer was the right word. Curtis always sneered — even when he was happy, which he most certainly was not in the days and weeks and months and even years after Super Bowl V in Miami, in which the Colts beat the Dallas Cowboys, 16-13.

A lot of the Colts were still stinging from their upset loss to the New York Jets and Joe Namath two years prior, in SB III.

“There’s no way — no way — we should have lost to the Jets,” lamented d-lineman and the pride of MSU, Bubba Smith. “I’ll go to my grave believing that we should never have lost to that team.”

Namath, beating the Colts and scarring them for life, apparently

The Colts were as much as 19-point favorites over the AFL’s Jets, who became the first AFL team to win a Super Bowl. The 1968 Colts were 13-1 and made the rest of the vaunted NFL look helpless in the process. So how could the Jets, who barely made it out of the supposedly weaker American Football League, even hope to give the Colts a game, let alone beat them?

Over-confidence. Cockiness. And that was from Namath, who boldly guaranteed a Jets win in the days leading up to the Big Game. But where those foibles helped Namath, they positively wrecked the Colts, who felt that as soon as the Jets saw the horseshoe on the helmet across from them, they’d roll over and die.

That lack of taking the Jets seriously has been confirmed by a number of former Colts who played on that ‘68 team. In a way, who could blame them? The Green Bay Packers had made mincemeat out of the Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders in the first two Super Bowls. SB III didn’t figure to be much different.

Ah, but it was, and it left fierce competitors like Curtis gnashing their teeth, even to this day.

“I really took no enjoyment from that game,” Curtis revealed, referencing SB V. “All I could think about was (losing to the Jets). I never really got over that.”

So instead of pure joy, most of the veteran Colts felt relief that they at least won one of the two Super Bowls they played in. And even that relief was tainted by the realization that if they were to have split the games, the win should have been over the Jets and the loss should have been to the Cowboys. No satisfaction.

Curtis respected the game of football, and abhorred anyone who didn’t — whether that was a player or a coach, or even a fan. Case in point: the celebrated instance when Curtis knocked senseless a drunken fan who had wandered onto the field in old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. The fan had grabbed the football and started running with it. Curtis would have none of that. He took a few steps, built himself some momentum, and crashed his entire body into that of the scrawny fan, who went down like he’d been shot. But, as a testament to the dude’s inebriation, he could be seen grinning and laughing, as if he was proud that he’d just been leveled by the great Mike Curtis.

“Bubba (Smith) told me, ‘Mike, you shouldn’t have done that,’” Curtis recalled years later. “I said, ‘That man was violating a city ordinance, and I was just doing my duty in helping Baltimore’s finest enforce it.’”

That was Mike Curtis for you.

You can see the incident below.

If It’s Thursday…. (Well, You Know The Rest!)

Happy Thursday! And time for another webisode of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al,” my weekly gabfest with the MVP of the MVN, Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

This week, I crab about the Pistons, Al worries about the Tigers’ good field/no hit catcher and shortstop, and we marvel at the job John Beilein is doing with the Michigan basketball program. All that and more, including WordAss and the Jerk of the Week!

Commence……

Eno: At the risk of sounding like “Meet the Press”, if it’s Thursday it’s the Knee Jerks. I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Greetings, sir!

Big Al: Yo, Eno! Mr. Journalist is in the house! What’s up, sir?

Eno: Well, the Pistons are making me cranky. I hate to start off grumpy, but what is UP with these guys? They’ve been schooled by the horrible T-Wolves and now, the other night, the previously 3-15 Wizards, after having them down by 17 in the second quarter. Is it too early to be worried and/or pissed off?

Big Al: From the way they’ve been playing, you have every right to be Grumpy Eno. Defense was non-existent last night, and the Pistons are still disjointed on offense. Right now they are a fringe playoff team, at best. Add in a rookie coach, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Eno: Does it have anything to do with the Allen Iverson trade, or no? And if so, is it just a matter of it taking some time to jell?

Big Al: I’m not sure it’s all on The Answer. Sure, he’s not the player he once was, but he has to be better than this, right? I’m more inclined to blame the Pistons themselves, especially [Rip] Hamilton, [Tayshaun] Prince and Rasheed [Wallace]. They are playing as if they are still pissed that their point guard buddy, Chauncey Billups, was traded. I will admit that Rodney Stuckey has not been able to fill Billups’ shoes, but that wasn’t a realistic expectation. Do you get the feeling Michael Curry’s constant lineup changes are, well, knee jerk?

Eno: Well, I like the reasoning behind going small with Stuckey in the starting lineup. And I like Curry’s assertion that Prince, in such a lineup, can guard a lot of 4s and give 4s problems offensively. I’m very excited about Stuckey; it’ll be a thrill watching this kid grow up before our very eyes. Here’s something: do you think they missed Antonio McDyess more than they anticipated?

Big Al: You nailed it, Mr. Journalist. Dice was the glue that held this team together, and if anyone can get the “core” to move on past the trade, it’s McDyess. But with Dice back, and Curry going to a three-guard lineup, there are now three power forwards coming off the bench: Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell and McDyess. Where are the minutes going to come from? The bench is now overloaded with big men. It might make sense for Iverson to come off the bench, but I’m not sure a “superstar” would agree to such a thing.

Eno: About Iverson. He speaks with forked tongue, sometimes in the same sentence. He’ll say something like, “It’s easier for me here because we have so many weapons, but I’m sitting more than ever, and I’m not used to that.” My gut? He wants to be The Guy, and he’s trying to convince himself, more than anyone else, that he’s happy here. Not that he was happier in Denver, necessarily. Thoughts?

Big Al: There’s a point where you can no longer be “The Guy.” Skills slowly begin to erode, you lose a half step, you begin to cheat on defense and force things on offense. Iverson may have reached that point, and can’t, or won’t, accept it. Iverson would be a great offensive weapon coming off the bench, but his wanting to still be the straw that stirs the drink won’t allow it. It may take the entire season before this team jells. If so, they could be struggling to make the playoffs, which is something I never would have imagined before the season. I’m not sure if I’d prefer the Pistons to end up in the lottery, than be a seven or eight playoff seed.

Eno: Well, I like to think that this is just one of those bumpy portions that any 82-game schedule presents. Look at the Spurs; after the Pistons beat them, they fell to 5-5 at home. I know the Celtics are the cream of the league, but I bet even they hit a rough patch. So does your gut say this gets better, or are they a 45, 46-win team?

Big Al: As Curry is still learning how to be a head coach, the Pistons may just be a 45 win team. But you’d have to believe they’d be a lower seed no one would want to play. The Cavs are playing like the class of the Central Division, so a fourth seed may be the absolute best we can hope for. Do you think this is a 45 win max team?

Eno: No, I don’t. Too much talent to not win 50, 51 – even with a rookie coach. Maybe Joe Dumars will gather them together and have one of those “Come to Jesus” meetings. Of course, you don’t really do that with an experienced coach, but in this case it might be warranted. I certainly hope it’s not any pouting due to the Chauncey trade. Cripes, move on! Which is what I should do now….what’s on YOUR mind?

Big Al: What’s on my mind? Grinds my gears? Gets me going? The Tigers. MLB’s Winter Meetings are currently underway, and the Tigers are on the prowl for a closer. My preference, Kerry Wood, signed with the….GADS…Cleveland Indians. Rumors say the Tigers have now set their sights on a former Wolverine, Seattle’s JJ Putz. But getting Putz, an elite closer when healthy, will cost the Tigers some solid prospects; Jeff Larish and Matt Joyce being the names most often mentioned. The idea of giving up even more prospects in an already weakened farm system has me concerned, to say the very least. In what direction do you see the Tigers heading?

Eno: Well, as much as I HATE to sign free agent pitchers because of their history of blowing up almost immediately (a tradition that began with Wayne Garland back in 1977), I would have preferred that route to the “prospect route.” BUT, Wood hasn’t exactly been the picture of health throughout his career. Still, it’s a little annoying to think he’ll be in the Tigers’ division. As for Putz (God, I’d hate to have that last name; Eno is bad enough!), I like him, and he might be one guy worth a little future-mortgaging. I’m not as sold on Larish and Joyce as some are; something about them screams Eric Munson.

Big Al: But Larish and Joyce are left handed bats, which are few and far between in the Detroit system. Think it would be worth looking at a second tier free agent closer, like Brian Fuentes or Chad Cordero? Or go for the old man, Trevor Hoffman? I honestly wouldn’t want to be in Dave Dombrowski’s shoes right now.

Eno: Hoffman? Why the hell not? He’s remained durable. What do you think about little Adam Everett, the new SS?

Big Al: He can’t hit Paris Hilton’s weight, but he can pick it better than anyone in the bigs. I like the idea of having an airtight left side of the infield, which it will be with Brandon Inge at third, but will it also be one that struggles to hit the Mendoza Line? The bottom of the Tigers’ batting order is where rallies will go to die. But if the money saved in signing Everett allows the Tigers to bolster their bullpen, I can live with it. Ask me again though when Inge and Everett are hitting a combined .180. Is that something you can live with?

Eno: NO!!! But SOMEONE has to bat ninth. But you’re right; the Tigers’ troubles last year were primarily in the defense and pitching. So I guess we shouldn’t sweat any perceived reduction in offense, huh?

Big Al: It’s the Tigers. I sweat everything! Eww, not a pretty picture. What about their picking up catcher Gerald Laird? Good, bad, indifferent? He’s another plus defensive player who may struggle with the bat.

Eno: Love it. I like Laird; always have. He’s who I wanted, and he’s not too expensive. The guy threw out 40% of his runners last year; that ain’t bad. Plus, I like this stat: 24 doubles in 344 at-bats. Sounds like a CoPa bat, to me! Don’t think he’ll “struggle”, per se. If he hits .260-ish, with 10 homers, 20-30 doubles, that’s fine. The Tigers have too many other weapons to worry about that kind of production from their catcher.

Big Al: Hey, at least he isn’t Dusty Ryan. The thought of “Dusty” being the Tigers’ opening day catcher wasn’t a pleasant one. Considering that the prospects the Tigers gave up for Laird are marginal, it was a solid deal for Dombrowski. But for all the defensive improvement and the likely addition of a good closer, the Tigers will still only go as far as their starting pitching. Dontrelle Willis and Nate Robertson are still question marks, Jeremy Bonderman is coming off of injury and Armando Gallaraga needs to prove he’s more than a “one season wonder”. Things have to go perfectly for the Tigers to contend, and that may be too much to ask for.

Eno: Well, the Central Division is funny. Teams seem to bob up and down yearly. No one gave the Indians much of a chance in 2007 and look at what they did; same with the Twins in 2008 and they almost won the division. Hey – if all that stuff can go WRONG in one season, who’s to say that a lot of it can’t go RIGHT in 2009?! The glass is half-full, Big Al! Now I sound like Chuck Tanner, who never thought his team was out of it.

Big Al: Chuck Tanner also had Willie Stargell,. Manny Sanguillen, and a high-on-LSD Dock Ellis. I’d have been upbeat too! Anything on your mind, Mr. Funny Last Name? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist after your comment about Putz!)

Eno: Ha-freaking-ha. Let’s talk about the history-making Lions. The drive for 0-16 seems to be one that cannot be derailed. What plans do you have to commemorate it when the final gun goes off in Green Bay? Is it going to be a “Kennedy assassination moment”? You know, “Where were YOU when the Lions went 0-16?”

Big Al: I know right where I’ll be, crying into a beer at the end of another soul-crushing live blog. 0-16 is inevitable at this point. I know the phrase “any given Sunday” is true in most cases, but there’s no way in Hell the Lions can beat the Colts, Saints or Packers, is there?

Eno: Nope. Even Drew Sharp is being stubborn, saying there IS a win in there, and that it’s in Green Bay. I know they’re Favre-less, and are pretty anemic at 5-8, but come on – really??

Big Al: The Lions haven’t won in Green Bay since, get this, Don Majkowski was under center for the Pack. It’s not going to happen. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if Peyton Manning and Drew Brees throw for a combined 1,000 yards the next two weeks. The Lions’ pass defense is that bad.

Eno: I agree. Of course, all streaks have to come to an end, but the Wisconsin one will continue at least one more year. OK, CB Brian Kelly got released, and C Dom Raiola got fined for giving Lions fans the bird. Thoughts?

Big Al: Kelly is the poster boy for the player evaluation mistakes Rod “I believe in invisibility” Marinelli has made this season. As for Raiola, I’m not going to hold an action made in the heat of the moment against him. Raiola has been a good soldier for years, and is the LEAST of the Lions problems. The Lions fined him $7,500, which seems fair to me. I thought it was a total non-story, but the press had to have something to write about on the Lions’ off day.

Eno: I agree about both. Kelly was pouting, and he’s clearly not part of the future. In fact, no one on this roster should be part of the future other than Jason Hanson and Calvin Johnson. Raiola’s move was a sort of reverse-Harry Gilmer. Remember when they pelted Harry with snowballs after his last game at Tiger Stadium [in 1966]? OK, I know you’re short on time today, so hows about we do some WordAss?

WORD ASSOCIATION

Big Al: Gilmer being pelted with snowballs is part of Lions’ legend, up there with Bobby Ross’ “abandon ship” and Darryl Rogers’ “what’s a guy got to do to get fired around here” quotes. One thing about the Lions, they have a colorful past…for all the wrong reasons. I’m ready for some Word Association, so let’s roll. I’ll start. As Michigan hoops had another big win this past weekend over Duke, Manny Harris.

Eno: HUGE.

Big Al: Very huge, indeed. We’ll stay with the Michigan theme; running back Sam McGuffie.

Eno: RichRod Flu. It happens in every program. Remember, Larry Bird was a Bobby Knight recruit to Indiana.

Big Al: Very good point, Eno. Plus one for you! Let’s go with the head coach of the Lions’ next opponent, a good friend of “Mr. Invisibility,” Tony Dungy.

Eno: Admiration. Total and complete. One of the league’s best people.

Big Al: I have issues with his tendency to be a “holy roller,” so to speak, but you know I’m a heathen anyway. But as a football coach, there aren’t many better. One more for you, Mr. Journalist. Lions wide out Calvin Johnson.

Eno: Two words: underused and overrated (but you already knew the second one). OK, now for you: over and under on the TD passes Peyton Manning tosses this Sunday against the Lions.

Big Al: Over/under? I’ll go four. To throw it out there, my prediction is 450 yards passing, five TDs.

Eno: Sounds about right. OK, Chris Osgood.

Big Al: Showing cracks in the armor.

Eno: Of course, that’s what I thought about 42-year-old Dom Hasek around this time and he bounced back. I think 36-year-old Osgood will do the same. OK, Marian Hossa, who’ll be the subject of my Sunday column this week.

Big Al: Can’t wait to read it. It’s a highlight of my weekend reading. Any thoughts on John Beilein’s Wolverines knocking off another ANOTHER Top Five team? I can’t believe Michigan didn’t crack the Top 25 this week. Farcical.

Eno: Wait – you didn’t give me a WordAss about Hossa! Nice try!

Big Al: Whoops. Sorry! Hossa? MVP!

Eno: Of the league?

Big Al: Now that I think about it, yes. I hate using the word (shoot, maybe I should have used it!), but Hossa has been Clutch, with a capital C!

Eno: OK, back to U-M basketball. I don’t think anyone should give a flying you-know-what about any polls until the end of the season. I mean, college basketball crowns an honest-to-goodness champ, so who cares who’s in the Top 25? It’s all about being #1, baby. But I’m sure the kids would like to see themselves in there, and it would help validate what Beilein is doing in A-squared. I love it that Michigan’s program might be back. The NCAA needs schools like that to excel in as many major sports as possible. And there I was, wanting them to hire Phil Hubbard after giving Tommy Amaker the ziggy!

Big Al: I love watching Beilein’s offense when it’s clicking. Seeing backdoor cuts going to easy baskets warms my old school heart. Michigan has been helluva lot more fun to watch than Michigan State. I’m not saying the Wolverines will be better than Sparty, but Tom Izzo’s team seems almost plodding compared to the Wolverines.

Eno: You know, you may actually be right. Fancy that! Seriously, folks, ready to do Jerk of the Week?

JERK OF THE WEEK

Big Al: I’m ready if you’re ready, sir. I’ll let Mr. Funny Name go first. (HA! I slay me sometimes!)

Eno: (At least SOMEONE appreciates it!) OK, I gotta go with pitcher Greg Maddux here. Why? For RETIRING! Don’t go, Greg! His presence in the big leagues was always strangely soothing to me. Damn him for quitting!

Big Al: You and the great Kansas City columnist Joe Posanski think alike. My “Jerk of the Week” will be Lions head coach Rod Marinelli. I’m still laughing over the “I believe in invisibility” quote! Then he finally cuts one of his pet signings this past off season, Brian Kelly. The Lions will end up taking a $2+ million dead money cap hit for that awful signing. Then he may have to start Drew Henson this week, if Daunte Culpepper’s arm is as badly hurt as it looked Sunday. I feel like I’m piling on, but he deserves it.

Eno: Indeed he does. OK, sir. It was great fun, as always. You coming back next Thursday? I heard your contract is up for renewal.

Big Al: I WANT A RAISE! But I’ll be here anyway. It’s always fun, Mr. Funny Name! I can’t help but run a joke into the ground!

Eno: I can tell!

18-4-4 Red Wings Still Not Happy, Which Is Nothing New

The Red Wings are seeking a spark. They’re shuffling lines. The starting goalie has been benched — temporarily. Two of the three defensive pairings have been switched. There seems to be some concern that they’re not dominating enough at home.

All this, and there they sit at 18-4-4.

Oh, to have such troubles, eh?

It’s amazing, the measuring stick by which the Red Wings operate nowadays.

They keep winning, yet no one truly seems happy — from coach Mike Babcock to goalie Chris Osgood to captain Nick Lidstrom.

You kind of get the feeling that the Red Wings look at these 82-game schedules that the NHL offers up every season as nothing more than 82-game playoff tryouts. As Osgood himself told the Free Press, “If you start winning in April, no one cares what happens in December.”

He continued. “That’s what we do here, is prepare for the playoffs. When we won the Cup, I couldn’t care less what my stats were.”

Well, he may have to go that route again, because the stats aren’t too pretty right now.

A 3.17 GAA. An unsightly save percentage of .876. Those are about as un-Vezina as it gets. But then there’s this on Osgood’s line: 11-1-4 — as in, his won-lost-OT/shootout loss record. It’s the only line that really matters. Incredibly, despite his pedestrian numbers, Osgood hasn’t lost in regulation since opening night. Where else but on the Red Wings can you have such stats and yet be undefeated in regulation for two months?

There’s no one better suited to coach these Red Wings than Babcock

I rarely know what to write about here when it comes to the Red Wings, between October and March. The regular season records have been monotonously brilliant. There’s been little off-the-ice drama — like, none, really. The players are sickeningly team-oriented. They positively burst with leadership. They win Stanley Cups often enough to fend off the dogs in town.

But this is, actually, something to spend some time on in this space. For I can’t recall when the Red Wings’ record has been so stellar while so many in the inner sanctum have been so critical.

Yet this is another example of Babcock’s mastery. He’s Scotty Bowman Lite, but that’s no knock. It just means that he has a way of keeping the troops motivated and interested without resorting to mind games or other nefarious tactics. Babcock is able to call out his players without embarrassing them. He knows that when you point a finger, several are pointing right back at yourself. So he includes himself, often, when critiquing his team. He also knows when to allay the fears of the aforementioned dogs who call sports talk radio and pound away angrily without spell check on the Internet message boards.

All this adds up, of course, to bad news for the rest of the NHL. The San Jose Sharks, coached by Babcock disciple Todd McLellan, have an even better record than the Red Wings. But no doubt they’re a lot more giddy over there than the Red Wings ever will be until May or June. McLellan has a very nice team in Northern California, but it is not as talented as what’s in Detroit. There’s no shame in that; none of the other 28 teams can match the Red Wings, pound-for-pound, either.

So the Red Wings are 18-4-4, they’re unhappy about it, and vow to correct themselves in preparation for springtime hockey. What do they want? 22-2-2? 24-1-1? Is that what they expect of themselves?

Yes — and that’s why the rest of the NHL should be soiling their long johns right now.

Tigers Trade For Laird, And It’s OK To Yawn

Gerald Laird won’t sell many tickets. I understand that. The Tigers marketing department can probably take its time getting jerseys with “LAIRD” on the back into stores. Doubtful they’ll be missed this holiday season. There won’t be some splashy press conference held, with GM Dave Dombrowski smilingly handing Laird his brand new, creamy white Tigers home blouse.

That’s OK. The Tigers just filled a hole, and so now move on to the next one.

The Tigers have pried Laird from the Texas Rangers for a couple of pitching prospects, only these aren’t the kind of prospects that were needed to extricate Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis from Florida, or Edgar Renteria from Atlanta (Jair Jurrjens, anyone?). These were middle-of-the-roaders, it’s guessed, and that’s fair, because Laird is pretty much a middle-of-the-road catcher.

Gerald Laird

But Laird, 29, has some experience, and he can throw the odd runner out trying to steal. And the Tigers feel a whole lot better with Laird as their starting backstop, rather than the unproven Dusty Ryan. As well they should.

Laird had 24 doubles in just 344 at-bats last year with the Rangers. That’s a little bit of pop — and the kind of spray hitting that should play well in Comerica Park.

When I found out that Laird was on the Tigers’ radar, I was quite OK with it. I knew Laird was a guy who would fit in well in Detroit: tough, blue collar, not flashy. An old school catcher. And there’s that 40% success rate in throwing out base stealers, which isn’t bad. At all.

So catcher is taken care of. Now time to move on to shortstop and pitching help.

This is an old-fashioned kind of winter meetings trade. Nothing dramatic, but one that addresses a need, and one that both teams can live with. The Rangers have a trove of catching prospects, and needed pitching. The Tigers were kind of the negative image of that. So the soil was fertile for a trade. If this was weather, you could have labeled it a “winter trade watch”; the conditions were right for a deal.

The “watch” turned into a “warning”, then turned into the real deal. It’s not a tornado, this Gerald Laird trade. Maybe not even a winter storm. Perhaps just a windy thunderstorm. But we all know how sunny it can get after those things pass through town.

In Three Weeks, It’ll Be Official: 2008 Lions Worst Ever

Call the Pro Football Hall of Fame, reserve a spot. Prepare to confiscate the football that is in play when the final gun is fired in Green Bay on December 28. Have some thugs on the field to rip the jerseys off as many Lions players as possible, so that they may be included in the ghoulish display in Canton. Open up the case that has all the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers memorabilia in it and clear it out. Might as well order up another case, too; we’re gonna need it.

Put Leno on notice. Letterman, too. Set aside at least ten minutes on “SportsCenter” that evening. Roll tape on the dudes from Fox and CBS and the NFL Network and step aside.

Dust off the history books and have them set to the typesetters, forthwith. May as well get a jump on things here. Make sure all the players photos are retrieved from the marketing department — no team photo here. We need mug shots in this instance.

Tell Rich McKay of the Falcons that if he can communicate with his late father, then give him this message: It’s OK, pop — you’re no longer the coach of the worst team in NFL history.

Pumpkin orange has been replaced with Honolulu Blue and Silver. The dashing pirate with the feathered cap has been shanghaied and Bubbles, the rampant Lion, takes his place.

Parnell Dickinson, Larry Ball and Leroy Selmon can breathe again. They’re no longer the worst. Somewhere even Steve Spurrier is smiling. Terry Hanratty, too.

The Detroit Lions have clinched it. It’s theirs, now. All that’s left are three more games, and that’s just because Roger Goodell’s schedule says so. The Lions are a mere 180 football minutes away from making it official.

The Lions dropped another one yesterday, to the Minnesota Vikings this time. It was yet another way to lose a football game — and the Lions like to show them all off, cramming as many ways as they can into any given 16-game season. They could pull off a stunning 4-0/0-16 pre-season/regular season combo. So they’ve also confirmed the hypothesis that the exhibition season means nothing. It can’t mean any more than nothing than to go 4-0 in it, then 0-16 in the regular one.

The Lions are a freight train now, and nothing can slow them as they race into that winless embankment.

Shame on all those folks (read: Drew Sharp) who said that it’s simply impossible to play 16 games and not win a single one of them. I called this one early on — even before September had ended. I looked at the schedule, saw what lie before the Lions, and deemed them worthy of putting together an 0-16 campaign. The most I saw them winning was one game — and the last chance of that came and went yesterday, as the Vikings stole out of town with an unconvincing win — almost as unconvincing as the one they swiped from the Lions in Minnesota.

Now it’s the Colts in Indianapolis, which may be as gory of a bloodletting as the NFL has ever witnessed on one of its gridirons. Then it’s back home to the Ford Mausoleum to be generous hosts to Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, and the New Orleans Saints. Then the finale, in Wisconsin, on the Frozen Tundra, to have snow kicked in their face by the Green Bay Packers, who are anemic but positively robust when compared to the Lions.

How will we react when it’s finally in the books? What do you do after your team goes 0-16? Will the Bucs of 1976 — the expansion Bucs who finished 0-14 on their way to losing their first 26 games — pop champagne, as the 1972 Dolphins did whenever the last undefeated team lost? I sure would, if my status as Worst Ever had been torn from me and placed on the Lions’ jerseys.

The 2008 Detroit Lions — the Worst Team Ever. That’ll be the tag until God knows when. It took the Bucs 32 years to shed the label. It may not ever be removed from the Lions. Can you imagine another team going 0-for-16?

But the Lions can offer up two of the best jobs in pro sports — ever. I’m serious.

The new GM/President/whatever you want to call him has it all in front of him: a loyal fan base desperate for a winner; loyal and generous ownership (to a fault); and the potential of being employed for life. Same goes for the new coach. If someone can come here and fix this — GM or coach, or both — then you’d have to commission someone to sculpt a mini Mount Rushmore in Hart Plaza and carve their likenesses into the granite. The mayor’s office would be one of theirs for the taking. The governor’s chair in Lansing would be within reach, too. Folks would flock to these people, these fixers of the Lions, and ask them to heal their children, find them jobs, you name it. And these football Gods would be able to name their own salaries for as long as they both shall live.

So don’t buy that rubbish that says, “Who would want to come to Detroit? To work for the…Lions?” It’s a dream job, for someone. It’s no surprise, really, that Bill Parcells dialed up the Lions last year. He was rebuffed, but The Big Tuna knew an opportunity when he saw it. This isn’t just a sleeping giant here — it’s comatose. And if someone ever wakes it up and reanimates it, like some 1940s horror movie, then that mad doctor will be cherished in Detroit forever.

It’s a great job — trust me. For someone.

It’s all over now but the shouting and the….whatever you do when a team goes 0-16. Three weeks from now we’ll be doing something — though it’s unclear what that will be. Maybe we’ll all just look at each other and say, “Did that just happen?”

Yes. It did. History is Detroit’s!

Gifford and Summerall Confirm It: New York Football Giants A Team Divided

Donovan McNabb was about 50 years too late in his ignorance of the rules.

McNabb, the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback who confessed last month to not knowing that regular season NFL games can end in a tie, would have been right in place in Yankee Stadium on December 28, 1958. That’s when the New York Giants and the Baltimore Colts played for the league championship in a game dubbed as the greatest ever. But first, it was the most mysterious ever.

“I remember turning to one of our captains, Kyle Rote, and asking him, ‘What do we do now?’,” comes the recollection of Pat Summerall, the Giants’ kicker in 1958.

The fourth quarter ended with the teams tied, 17-17.

“Kyle said, ‘I think we have to play some more. Let me find out from the coaches’,” Summerall added, chuckling.

Summerall and Frank Gifford were the Giants representatives as the NFL held a media conference call on Friday to celebrate the upcoming 50^th anniversary of that game, which ended when the Colts’ Alan Ameche bulled into the end zone from the two-yard line, punctuating the first sudden death overtime in NFL history. The Colts were represented in the call by running back Lenny Moore and receiver Raymond Berry.

But it wasn’t that game, as historic as it was, that piqued my interest. It was the long-standing legend that the Giants were a team split right down the middle: offense vs. the defense.

“It wasn’t friendly at all. They (the defense) didn’t like us,” Gifford said when I raised the issue.

The Giants of the 1950s were the first pro football team that truly became more known for its defense than its offense. And with good reason. Andy Robustelli. Jim Katcavage. Dick Modzelewski. Sam Huff. These are names that are cherished in New York. And often it was they, not the offense, who provided the points, enabling the Giants to win another ballgame. It got so much that the P.A. announcer at Yankee Stadium introduced the defense before games – something unheard of prior.

“I remember one day in Cleveland we kept going three-and-out, three-and-out,” Gifford recalled. “Then we come off the field after having to punt again, and there’s Huff standing on the sidelines, waiting for us.

“’Can’t you guys hold them off for a little while?’, he says.”

“I wouldn’t say it was friendly at all,” Summerall said about the in-fighting between the proud Giants defense and the beleaguered offense. “I remember we were about to play the Cardinals in Buffalo, and this was after a stretch where all we were doing was scoring by field goals. And someone comes up to me and says, ‘What does it feel like to be the whole Giants offense?’ So there was a lot of that stuff going around.”

The feeling was mutual, according to Gifford, a double threat back and receiver in those days.

“We didn’t much care for them, either,” he said flatly. “At times it got pretty heated.”

The divide even spread to the coaching staff. The head coach was Jim Lee Howell, but his two top assistants would end up in the Hall of Fame. Coaching the offense was Vince Lombardi; coaching the defense was Tom Landry.

“There was a rivalry between the two units, no question about it,” Summerall said. “And the rivalry carried over to Lombardi and Landry. They would be congenial and everything, but when Vince would look at Landry…there was a mutual feeling of hostility, let’s put it that way.”

Giants offensive coach Vince Lombardi with Frank Gifford

Yet the Giants were winners in those days, as they’re winners now – fractious relationships among the ranks and all. Another example of why all that rot about chemistry and mutual admiration is a bunch of horse manure. If you have the talent, you’ll win. Like the Oakland A’s of the 1970s, who battled themselves in the clubhouse almost as much as they battled the Orioles and the Tigers on the diamond. Yet all they did was win three straight World Series. They even hated their owner. Actually, that might have been the common denominator that pulled them through: their almost universal disdain for Charlie O. Finley.

But this is indeed the 50^th anniversary of the game that many say put the NFL on the map. It was televised nationally, and a local labor dispute added to the national exposure, according to Summerall, who like Gifford is now 78.

“There was a newspaper strike in New York at that time,” he pointed out. “And because of that, I think more papers sent their own writers to cover the game, instead of just taking the New York feeds. So that added to the coverage, as well.”

There was some controversy on the field, which added to the game’s lore. Gifford was stopped short on a key fourth quarter play – when all the Giants and their fans thought that he made the first down. And Baltimore’s Steve Myhra kicked the game-tying field goal that Summerall, among others, thought was no good.

And, maybe even more astounding, was the moment when what appeared to be a drunken fan wandered onto the field, holding up play for several minutes. The story goes that the “drunken fan” was actually an NBC employee, who was told to “stall” while the network frantically tried to repair a cable that had been kicked out of its socket by overzealous fans. Not sure if it’s true, but when order was restored, so was NBC’s signal, so there you have it.

Like any anniversary of any length, the participants can never seem to believe it’s actually been that long.

“Frank called me this spring and told me this year was the 50^th anniversary of that game,” Summerall said. “I didn’t believe fifty years had passed.

“But then we were in New York this summer, a bunch of us, and when we all tried to get out of the van we were being driven around in, I realized that it indeed had been fifty years,” Summerall added as we all howled.

“We were a band of brothers,” Gifford said. “And we all kept in touch. It’s very, very special.”

Divided and all.

Tigers Just Trying To Field Nine Guys At This Point

The Tigers need a shortstop. It’s not a small deal. They have, at this moment, not a clue as to who will play the position come Opening Day, 2009. Of course, it’s still a much smaller deal than if this is still the situation in a few months. But it’s a concern.

The shortstop of the future, aka Cale Iorg, is still a year away, at least, from assuming the starting role. Edgar Renteria, the shortstop of the past, is now a San Francisco Giant — back in the National League, where he clearly belongs. His time in Detroit and Boston was proof that he’s not an American League kind of a guy. The shortstop of the present? That is a question, and the answer may be Jack Wilson of Pittsburgh. Or Adam Everett of Minnesota, if you believe the rumor mongers. Is it too late to ask Alan Trammell if he has a year or two left in the tank?

The Tigers need a bridge, that’s all, to Iorg. The shortstop of the present need only be such for the 2009 and MAYBE the 2010 seasons. But it shouldn’t be a wasted spot in the batting order, either. The Tigers already have one of those, with Brandon Inge and his limp noodle bat slated to play third base every day.

Wilson: Tigers SS of the present, soon?

Everett would appear to be another limp noodle. He batted all of .213 last year. And Wilson was slowed by injuries in 2008. That’s what they said about Renteria in 2007, and you can see where that got the Tigers.

Personally, I like Ramon Santiago. A lot. He is very good defensively, and I like his bat, which seems to have a lot of clutch to it. Of course, that’s all been in limited at-bats. It’s a whole different ballgame, literally, when you move from 200 plate appearances to 500+. But the Tigers see Santiago as a backup and nothing more. Kind of hard to argue that fact, I suppose — as that’s all Santiago has been since he arrived in Detroit.

Big Al of WayneFontes.com, in our weekly chat called The Knee Jerks, chided me for believing that the Tigers’ move to let Renteria walk without offering him arbitration was a smart one. He asked, “Are the Tigers THAT financially strapped?”

No, I said — but they don’t like the idea of paying Renteria $9 million — which is what he would have gotten if he accepted. Or, had he left after the offer, the Tigers would have been granted two compensatory draft picks. The Tigers feared no one would snatch Renteria up, and that they’d be stuck with him for another year at $9 mill.

Not cash strapped, just trying to cut costs where it makes sense.

Shortstop isn’t the only hole the Tigers have. They need pitching help and a catcher. Also not small deals. Last off-season was about beefing up the roster. This year it’s about fielding nine players when the curtain rises in April.

Bottom line: the Tigers WILL have a starting shortstop in the fold before spring training. Same with catcher. Pitching? Stay tuned. Two things at a time here!

AC Was Elusive, And In More Ways Than One

(every Friday during the NFL season, OOB will run a nostalgic feature about the Lions’ upcoming opponents)

My disdain for the Minnesota Vikings is well-documented, if you’ve read this blog for any length of time. Don’t believe me? Just click on the little search box in the upper lefthand corner and type in “Minnesota Vikings” and see what turns up here.

But few things rankled me more about the Vikings than seeing #81 running around the football field, catching passes and returning punts and wreaking general havoc.

Anthony Carter, AC from Michigan. The original #1 in Maize and Blue — the one who started the tradition of the top-flight receiver wearing jersey no. 1 in Ann Arbor.

How Carter became a Viking is typical, when it comes to the Vikes sticking it to the Lions.

Carter, as you know, terrorized the Big Ten from 1979-82 as a Wolverine. Then he made some more football hay locally when he starred for the USFL’s Michigan Panthers in 1983-84. The USFL had a territorial draft, and so it was a simple matter for AC to stay in the state and play for the Panthers.

Then the USFL went out of business.

The Miami Dolphins had Carter’s rights, having drafted him in 1983. Why the Lions didn’t do so is a mystery unto itself (Carter wasn’t drafted until the 12th round, which means the Lions passed on him at least 11 times; even if they figured he was going to the USFL, why not take a flyer on him anyway?). But by 1985, when the USFL was bankrupt, the Dolphins already had Mark Duper and Mark Clayton for Dan Marino, so they traded Carter to … the Minnesota Vikings!

Sickening, I know.

I don’t have the heart to post a photo of Carter in a Vikings uniform

So not only did the Lions miss out on Carter in his prime, they got to see him twice a season, playing for the intra-divisional Vikings, and usually he was helping to beat Detroit. He was so close, yet so far.

Then, almost as a cruel joke, Carter ended up with the Lions, finally — but as a 34-year-old with his best days behind him. He hurt his collarbone early in the 1994 season and hardly played. He came back in 1995 and was an afterthought on a team that had Herman Moore, Brett Perriman, and Johnnie Morton. So that was AC as a Lion. Eight receptions for 97 yards and three touchdowns. Almost like salt in a wound.

I don’t know what the Vikings gave up to finagle Carter from the Dolphins, but whatever it was, it was worth it. Carter caught 478 passes for well over 7,000 yards in nine years in Minnesota, for 52 touchdowns. He made three Pro Bowls (1987, ‘88, and ‘89). He eventually combined with Cris Carter to form quite a receiver tandem for the Vikes from 1991 thru 1993.

Yet another reason for me to hate the Vikings — though in this case, the Lions screwed themselves, really. I know, no shock there.

Thursday = Knee Jerks (Webisode #10)

Rut-roh, Rast-ro. It’s Thursday, and you know what that means. It’s time for “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al,” my weekly sports gabfest with the purveyor of The Wayne Fontes Experience, Big Al himself — or as he likes to be called here, Mr. Big Shot (now that Chauncey Billups is gone). This week? We take on the Lions’ chances of going oh-fer 2008; rag on Sean Avery; wonder who will play shortstop for the Tigers; and as they say, much, much more! Oh, and there’s WordAss and Jerk of the Week, of course!

Onward….

*******************************************

Eno: Goodness gracious, it’s Thursday again. That means another webisode of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al.” I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Good afternoon, Al!

Big Al: Yo. I always have time on my oh-so-busy schedule in making fun of the Detroit Lions to chat!

Eno: I’m sure. OK, gonna start off with those Lions, after all. #1, do you feel in your gut they’ll pull off the 0-16 thing, and in all seriousness, what does that mean to the franchise in terms of how history will treat it?

Big Al: At this point, the opinions of the fan base, let alone of the football nation, couldn’t be any lower. So finishing 0-16, 1-15 really doesn’t make that much difference. It’ll be another in a long list of stains upon the franchise. Even if the Lions go 0-16, I don’t think they’ll be remembered as the worst NFL team ever. That will always belong to the 0-14 [Tampa Bay] Buccaneers of 1976. But the Lions are in the conversation.

Eno: I think they’d be worse than the Bucs because at least Tampa had the excuse of being an expansion team. Of course, those Bucs lost 26 in a row, and the Lions aren’t there, yet. How ironic, in a twisted way, that it would be the Bucs in that mix because of all the ex-Bucs on this roster! I personally think 0-16 would hurt Bill Ford deeply, though we’d never know it because he’s a hermit. Clearly 1-15 isn’t much different as far as draft position, etc, but it’s a world of difference from being the first team to go 0-16.

Big Al: You do make a good point; the Lions could be considered the worst non-expansion team ever. They may have that designation locked up even if they do somehow manage to win a game. But if being the “Worst Team EVER” means the Lions will finally do the right thing, and blow the entire organization up, and start from scratch with the right people, I can live with it. Of course, their being the Lions, there is no guarantee they will do the right thing or hire the right people. I don’t trust William Clay Ford’s instincts when it comes to, well, anything!

Eno: I got a kick out of the list of supposed GMs the Lions might hire that you posted on Wayne Fontes.com. You’re right – a great list if this was 1995. But you’re also right that those guys might make good consultants.

Big Al: We can only hope that is what Pro Football Weekly’s list actually was, possible consultants. But again, we’re talking Mr. Ford, so no one knows what he may be thinking. The man never shows his face to the public, and worse, the media. I’d LOVE to know what he thinks of the whole cluster that has become his Lions.

Eno: Like I wrote at OOB, the biggest indictment of any owner is that he/she doesn’t care. And whether he cares or not, perception is reality. All Ford needs to do is show his face and people would feel better. Anyhow, what do you make of Marinelli finally bringing 0-16 up to his players, as he did Monday at practice?

Big Al: It was the final card he could play. The “You don’t want to go down in history” card. I think Marinelli’s long been out of ideas. He’s now in desperation mode. Marinelli doesn’t want to see his name in the record book as the worst head coach in NFL history.

Eno: Switching gears big time – I gotta bring up Sean Avery, our old pal from his Red Wings days. Seems Sean, now with Dallas, is truly losing it. Now he’s suspended by the NHL for comments he made about his former girlfriends who are now dating other players in the league. What’s up with this guy? He’s like the Dennis Rodman of hockey.

Big Al: That’s really what he is, the NHL’s version of Rodman. Why the Stars felt the need to sign that loon to a long term free agent deal is beyond me. His antics make me appreciate the professionalism of the Red Wings all the more.

Eno: Like what he did to Marty Brodeur in the playoffs – waving his stick in his face. Totally bush. Even his teammates are fed up. Even BRETT HULL, no less, is urging restraint. Maybe wearing a suit and tie has mellowed The Golden Brett, eh?

Big Al: It may have mellowed him (Hull mellow? Never thought I’d see those two words together!), but just because he’s “Brett Hull” doesn’t make him a good GM. Signing someone the likes of Avery shows he has plenty to learn.

Eno: The shame is, Sean Avery can be an asset as a kind of modern day Theo Fleury or Kenny Linseman – guys who should be in the Pest Hall of Fame. Avery is a talented, hard-nosed kid who I thought was going to make Detroit go crazy one day. But now he’s just being outrageous for the sake of it, and that’s just not acceptable. I’m sure this isn’t the kind of publicity [NHL Commissioner] Gary Bettman is looking for!

Big Al: I don’t know if I’d go THAT far. The NHL is a forgotten league in the big sports picture. Any publicity they may get, even for the antics of Avery, or their over the top suspension of him, at least gets them noticed. Too bad it takes off-the-ice BS for the mainstream media to put the NHL above the fold.

Eno: Exactly. OK, what’s on Mr. Big Shot’s mind?

Big Al: What’s NOT on my mind! I have to wonder what’s going on with the Detroit Tigers, and their not offering arbitration to [shortstop] Edgar Renteria. It seemed like a no-brainer thing to do. If Dave Dombrowski would have done so, he would have either ended up with one year of Renteria, which considering the lack of shortstops on the open market wouldn’t have been a bad thing, or if Renteria moved on, two relatively high compensatory draft picks. Do you think the Tigers are in such financial straits that they couldn’t risk paying Renteria $9-10 million?

Eno: It’s not that they’re in financial straits, it’s just that, where do you draw the line? Sometimes it’s just the IDEA of paying someone that kind of jack. Renteria has seen better days, and I don’t see him bouncing back all that much. He’s kind of like a super ball that’s been left out in the cold, if you know what I mean. It looks like Jack Wilson of Pittsburgh will be Renteria’s replacement. I personally think it was a smart thing not to offer ER arbitration. They can’t do much worse at SS in 2009, I wouldn’t think.

Big Al: Not that Wilson is all that cheap (I think he’s making around $6 million), and he would cost the Tigers player/players in trade. All Renteria would have cost is money. I think money played into the decision, we just don’t know how much. Considering the Tigers get plenty of financial support from the auto industry in one way or another (ticket sales, advertising, suite rentals, so on), they may be wary of spending any more than they have to in acquiring players.

Eno: Well, I think it’s pretty simple: Renteria was horsepucky here, and didn’t rate another $9 mill to come back. He had a bad year in Boston a few years ago, too. Maybe he’s not an AL kind of guy. So what else you wanna talk about? You said there was a lot on that twisted mind of yours!

Big Al: Thanksgiving wasn’t a bad holiday for just the Lions. The Pistons had themselves quite a holiday weekend. We saw head coach Michael Curry call a Thanksgiving Day practice the morning after a win. Allen Iverson decided he had better things to do, and cut practice. I thought Iverson had changed his stripes, so to speak. Now I’m not so sure.

Eno: I think A.I. was testing the new coach, and the coach passed. That said, I think a Turkey Day practice might have been pushing it, though Joe Dumars was there in support of the coach. I think Curry is trying to show that he’s the boss, but it’s a fine line. He needs to pace himself, though. There are still 65 games left, plus the playoffs.

Big Al: Exactly. As I wrote on TWFE, Curry needs to pick his battles. This was a battle he didn’t need to fight. But that wasn’t all Curry did. He also benched Tayshaun Prince for the 4th quarter of Sunday’s loss. He then called Prince out in front of the media. It seems to have worked, as the Pistons had a very nice win in San Antonio Tuesday night. I’ll say this for Curry: he’s not afraid of shaking things up, and if there was a roster that needed a jolt of reality, it was the Pistons’.

Eno: Yes, this is true. Everyone said Flip Saunders was too easy on them; no accountability. But I have a problem with calling out your players to the media before you talk to that player. And just because they got a nice win in San Antonio doesn’t mean that Curry didn’t wound Prince a bit. Like I said, a fine line. But I think I’ll err on the side of Mr. Tough Guy right now, coming on the heels of easy-going Flip. I guess we just can’t be satisfied! Bottom line: Curry’s style is probably the best one for now, but he has to be careful.

Big Al: If there is someone Curry should have called out in private or public, it’s Rip Hamilton. He hasn’t been the same player since Chauncey Billups left. The Pistons need Rip if they are going to have any shot at winning the Eastern Conference. The man needs to step up, and get over it.

Eno: Yeah, I saw what you wrote on TWFE and I totally agree. Grow up; people get traded all the time. I know they had a good thing going, but they have also been bumped out of the Final Four for three years in a row. I suspect Rip will, eventually. He hasn’t played horribly; it’s just that he’s brooding a bit and that can’t happen. Like I said at OOB, good thing Joe D. made this trade in November rather than in February. That might have been disastrous. Plus it gives Dumars time to decide whether Iverson is worth an offer for 2009-10.

Big Al: The Pistons are definitely a work in progress. With the Pistons, it’s all about the playoffs anyway. It’s too early in the season to be overly harsh and judgmental. If they are still having issues like these in April, then we can rip them to shreds…no pun intended.

WORD ASSOCIATION TIME!

Eno: Nice! OK, ready for some Word Association, or as I like to call it, WordAss?

Big Al: Personally, I call it “Eno makes Al’s brain work overtime!” OK, let’s lock and load.

Eno: Charlie Weis.

Big Al: Five words. Too expensive to buy out.

Eno: Too fat, too. OOPS, did I say that? OK, the Colorado Avalanche (remember them?)

Big Al: Ah, yes. The Nordalanche. Used-to-be’s.

Eno: Daunte Culpepper.

Big Al: Backup.

Eno: NBA on Christmas Day.

Big Al: Two words. Meaningless tradition.

Big Al: Ready for a few?

Eno: Sure!

Big Al: OK. Tom Izzo.

Eno: Underappreciated nationally.

Big Al: Totally agree. And since he was called the best owner in sports, Mike Ilitch.

Eno: I’ll amend it to Most Committed Owner in Sports. Good for him.

Big Al: I thought it was a tad overblown as well. But we fans could do a whole lot worse than Mr. I. As you mentioned him in a comment on TWFE, Dick Vitale.

Eno: The Happiest Man To See ESPN Be Invented.

Big Al: Very funny. But as a failed coach, the Four Letter truly was his salvation. One more. Lions on Thanksgiving.

Eno: TURKEYS!! And one more for you: Martin Mayhew.

Big Al: Wrong place, wrong time. So what’s on your mind? What ya got?

Eno: SO true. OK, I see where some ink-stained wretch who covers ND football says the Irish should replace Weis with….Mark Dantonio!! Thoughts?

Big Al: I told you Dantonio was destined for bigger and better things. Yes, MSU is a good job in a big time conference. But it’s not a top tier football program, and I don’t think it ever will be. If Dantonio has another good season, I’d expect some very big programs sniffing around East Lansing. Like Notre Dame, once Weis has another five-to-six-win season in 2009.

Eno: I think Dantonio is a helluva coach but also a little…twisted, which isn’t bad, necessarily. The guy has a mean streak, I’m telling you. And did you notice how much he looks like Terry Donahue, UCLA days? Spitting image!

Big Al: There’s another program that could use a jolt. A hard liner like Dantonio could be the anti-Pete Carroll. Speaking of which, I had to give the USC coach props and admit he has some big cahones, by giving up a time out per half in the upcoming rivalry game with UCLA, all so they could bring back the tradition of both teams wearing home colors. I wish more coaches had his style.

Eno: I hadn’t heard that, but I agree. UCLA’s home blue is so powdery, you almost don’t even realize both teams are wearing dark jerseys. OK, who’s your Jerk of the Week?

JERK OF THE WEEK

Big Al: My jerk is Gary Bettman and the NHL for their indefinite suspension of Sean Avery. Yes, what Avery said wasn’t in good taste (It was rather vile, actually, saying “sloppy seconds” in regard to another player dating his ex-girlfriend), but the over the top punishment just drew more attention it. Slap Avery with a big fine, call him to the league offices and read him the riot act, but an indefinite suspension? Please. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. I don’t want to really go there, but there is a thing called free speech. We all have the right to make an ass of ourselves by what we say.

Big Al: Who’s on your list, Eno?

Eno: Well, I sorta agree w/you in that “indefinite” is probably over the top, but Avery definitely should have been disciplined. My JOTW is Giants WR Plaxico Burress, for SHOOTING HIMSELF IN THE THIGH, then getting hit with gun charges, and being suspended for the rest of the regular season. Talk about Sparties with mean streaks!

Big Al: No kidding. Growing up in a rural area, I learned at a very young age how to handle and fire a gun. I also learned there is a time and place for firearms. A nightclub isn’t one of them. The lack of common sense shown by supposedly college-educated athletes never ceases to amaze me!

Eno: OK, pal…hope you have a great week and we’ll re-convene next Thursday!

Big Al: Works for me, sir. Go do the journalism thing you do!

Eno: If you insist!

Marinelli Is A Goner, But Let’s Not Get Too Cocky

Head football coaches don’t die, they just fade away — and re-emerge as assistants.

The NFL is filled with them; former head coaches who couldn’t make it as the Boss Man, but who are nice and comfy sitting upstairs, radioing plays down to the field, or standing next to the Boss Man on the sidelines, barking out orders to his narrowed down group of charges.

There’s no shame in being a failed head coach in the NFL. Only 32 men hold that title at a time, and that is supposed to mean that they are 32 of the very best coaches in football, for one reason or another. It also means that others should get the opportunity to show why they’re one of the Top 32 whenever one of the thirty-two stumbles. But there is no shame in failure, because it’s a damn hard job to do.

The coordinators and position coaches who find themselves as the Boss Man sometimes are overwhelmed by the task at hand. They find that it’s a whole different ballgame when you’re accountable for EVERYTHING.

I believe that Rod Marinelli is overwhelmed.

He just doesn’t have the chops for this head coaching thing. From game management to clock management to officials challenges to personnel decisions, he doesn’t make the grade. This isn’t news, I know. But all I mean to say is that if it turns out that Rod Marinelli is a very good position coach and not a very good head coach, then so be it. No hard feelings. Just part ways with him and find someone else. And if Marinelli resurfaces elsewhere as a d-line coach, terrific. Good for him. I mean it.

Look at the Philadelphia Eagles and who’s calling their offensive plays. It’s none other than our old friend, Marty Mornhinweg. Now, I must confess that my blood pressure shoots up a tad whenever I see Marty on the Eagles’ sidelines, because I thought he was a poor pick from the get go as Lions head coach. Matt Millen was enthralled by Marty after one interview and late night film session, and hired him on the spot, before Marty could get on a plane bound for Cleveland to talk to the Browns. Not the way a rookie team president should hire his first coach.

But like I said, the league is filled with them. Failed head coaches — and by failed, I mean no Super Bowls, because that’s pretty much the measuring stick anymore — who have settled in nicely as coordinators or position men. I’m sure that their stints as Boss Men might eat at them a bit — whether because they don’t feel they were given enough time, or enough talent, or enough of both, or whether they just feel that they disappointed themselves in their performance. But there they are, still in the league that they love, doing what they love doing: coaching football players.

Marinelli is a football coach. No question about that. He’ll do it for as long as they’ll have him. But he’s not a head coach, and so we found that out so move on.

“Sorry it didn’t work out.” That’s pretty much all that needs to be said. No sense bad-mouthing him as he heads out the door. No reason to dog him. No name calling. It didn’t work out. We move on.

I was fooled — and it wasn’t the first time, certainly. I believed Marinelli to be the right man, finally, for the Lions head coaching gig, sometime during the summer of 2006 as he conducted his first training camp. I actually liked his introductory presser, though I know that’s not necessarily a good portender of things to come. But I liked that he came from the trenches and believed in the importance of the trenches — on both sides of the line of scrimmage. He talked like a military man. His opening words to the press were, “Good morning, men.” It was like he was addressing the troops. And I liked that.

But it didn’t work out. Not even close.

No Lions head coach has left the team with a career winning record in Detroit since Joe Schmidt resigned in a huff after the 1972 season. Well, that’s not entirely true. Gary Moeller was 4-3 in relief of Bobby Ross before Millen cast Mo aside for Marty. Schmidt was 43-34-7 as Lions head coach from 1967-72. Such a record today would thrust the coach into the driver’s seat in the Detroit mayoral race. Maybe even make him a favorite to succeed Jennifer Granholm in Lansing.

The Lions, most assuredly, will be looking for a new head coach come January. They have to. Marinelli cannot be kept on after this potentially history-making season. His career record in Detroit is likely to be either 11-37 or 10-38. You can’t be among the Top 32 in anything with a success rate like that.

Marinelli didn’t work out, so when the Lions let him go, I hope we don’t kick him between the back pockets on his way out. I hope we don’t mock him. Because unlike some of the stiffs who’ve passed through here, i.e. Darryl Rogers, at least Marinelli gave a damn. At least he believed in himself. He probably believed in his players a bit too much, and protected them too much, but as maddening as it was to us at times, he didn’t change his message.

But I’m sure there’ll be cracks about “pounding the rock” and “digging for the light” and all that, but let’s just move on. Hire a new front office team, look for a new head coach, and look ahead. Lord knows we’ve done enough looking behind us when it comes to the Lions.

2003 Tigers Were Minor Leaguers In Big League Costumes

Baseball, like many sports, is great to play “what if?” with.

“What if Babe Ruth had played today? How big would he be?”

“What if Ted Williams played in New York, and Joe Dimaggio played in Boston, with the respective short porches in right and left?”

“What if Curt Flood hadn’t slipped in center field chasing down Jim Northrup’s hit in Game 7 of the 1968 World Series?”

Actually, that last one was answered defiantly by Northrup himself, to me, when I asked him about the hit several years ago.

“I hit that ball so hard and on a line, no way Flood woulda caught it, even if he didn’t slip!,” the Silver Fox growled at me.

There’s been some talk lately about the 2003 Tigers in Detroit, as the football Lions plow ahead toward an ignominious, winless season. The comparison is apt because the Lions are trying to avoid setting an NFL record (no team has ever finished 0-16), just as the ‘03 Tigers tried to avoid eclipsing the 1962 New York Mets’ loss total of 120.

The Tigers succeeded — if you want to call it that. Well, they avoided the record, anyway. They only managed to lose 119 games.

Dimitri Young was one of the few 2003 Tigers who was a bona fide big leaguer

But those 2003 Tigers, I believe, were the answer to a rousing game of What If?

“What if a Triple-A team played 162 games in the big leagues?”

I’m not trying to be funny. The 2003 Tigers were barren of legitimate major league talent. Their roster was filled with players who either never played MLB beyond 2003, or who ONLY played in 2003, and only for the Tigers. In other words, players who had no business slipping on a big league jersey.

But the Tigers had to fill their 25-man roster, and with the door having just closed on the Randy Smith Era one year prior, the re-tooling was just beginning at the hands of Dave Dombrowski. Hence the hideously high number of players who simply were not big league material.

Teams don’t win 100 games by accident, and they certainly don’t lose 119 that way, either. The 2003 Tigers deserved every one of those 119 Ls — don’t kid yourself. Frankly, it’s amazing that they managed to win 43.

This was an even more bizarre case study, because I doubt very highly if the ‘03 Tigers could have managed to finish within shouting distance of .500 if they played in the Triple A International League, where their farm team, Toledo, plays. They were that bad.

The ‘62 Mets, of course, had the excuse of being expansion in nature. The 2003 Tigers were in their 103rd season in the American League. Yet they somehow managed, thanks to former GM Smith’s incompetence, to become so awful that after 156 games, they were an ungodly 80 games below .500 (38-118). I still can’t believe that happened, but it did.

So the next time you wonder what would happen if a minor league team literally found itself in the big leagues for a full season, look no further than the 2003 Tigers. That’s one “What if?” question that has been answered.

Curry Has 66 Games To Get Pistons Squared Away — On & Off The Court

The good news is that there are still 66 games left in the 2008-09 season for the Pistons. The bad news is that there are still 66 games left in the 2008-09 season for the Pistons.

Coach Michael Curry is seeing, up close and personal, why it’s so much better to make a blockbuster trade in the season’s opening weeks than at the trading deadline.

Curry has something smoldering in his camp, and it isn’t the remnants of a hot-shooting team.

These are touchy times for the Pistons, who are just 6-6 since trading for Allen Iverson. Though there have been some big wins among those six, there’ve also been some head scratchers.

But it’s not just the record, which includes a pedestrian 5-3 overall at home, that is of concern this morning. As always in the NBA, it’s about the happiness within the ranks. Or UNhappiness, really.

Curry has come highly recommended by the only person who really matters: Pistons president Joe Dumars. So it’s important to know that the coach will have the support of the team boss should the rank and file get too ornery.

Yet I’m sure Dumars would rather that not be necessary because of drama his coach is instigating.

Curry blindsided forward Tayshaun Prince after another lackluster Sunday performance yesterday — a 96-85 capitulation to the young, hungry Portland Trail Blazers.

The coach was asked why Prince had his rump on the bench in the fourth quarter, when the Pistons gamely tried to make a comeback.

“Tay didn’t play that well,” was Curry’s response. Short, succinct, to the point.

Except that this was news to Prince, according to today’s Detroit Free Press.

“Huh?” said Prince, who scored 10 points on 4-for-8 shooting in 22 minutes. “Wow, I thought I was playing pretty good if you ask me. … I don’t know. It’s up to them to see what’s going on, and I guess their decision was to sit me down. I was playing well.”

Then this from the beanpole Prince.

“I was upset when I came out of the game in the first quarter because I thought I started the game off well trying to get the guys in the flow. It’s always tough for me because I’m in the position where I’m put at the point-guard position; I’m trying to make plays for them, get them guys going. Sometimes I’m going to have a good night doing it. Sometimes it’s going to take me out of my rhythm.”

Then there’s the newly-acquired Iverson, who’s already tested the rookie coach’s mettle by snubbing a mandatory Thanksgiving Day practice. Iverson is quick to point out that he’s sitting on the bench in Detroit more than he ever has in his career. Funny, but one of the reasons A.I. was happy to come to the Pistons was the allure of not having to be “The Guy” — the one who carries the load. But Iverson wants to not be “The Guy” and play a lot of minutes, too. I think they have a saying for that, involving cake?

It’s a player’s league, this NBA, and that sometimes collides, head on, with a new coach’s desire to prove that he’s no pushover. It’s what they said about the deposed Flip Saunders: not enough accountability for the rank and file.

It’s an admittedly very delicate balance, and just as his players are trying to get accustomed to a new, high profile teammate, so is Curry trying to get a hang of this “I’m in charge now” thing.

Sixty-six games to play before the curtain goes up on the playoff season. Sixty-six opportunities to find cohesiveness, chemistry, commitment. The three Cs. That’s the good news. The bad news is that there are sixty-six games for another C to emerge: cancer.

Look around the league and you’ll see many teams whose potential is snuffed out by various forms of cancer, from the treatable (Nuggets) to the terminal (Knicks). And everything in between. You’re not just an NBA coach, Mike Curry, you’re also an oncologist.

Curry got hit with a double whammy. He was just four games into his first season, fresh from training camp, and now he has to conduct a bunch of mini-camps while the season is going on, with a touchy, high-profile superstar in tow, to boot.

But can you imagine if this trade had occurred in February?

The normally cool Prince bristled at Curry’s surprise negative assessment; that can’t become a trend

Don’t be sucked in and try to draw much of a comparison to the Rasheed Wallace trade of 2004. First, the coach was anything but a rookie (Larry Brown), and Wallace filled a chasm on the Pistons roster, rather than trading one like player for another. And Wallace wasn’t a point guard handling the ball 80-90% of the time up the floor.

Trading for Iverson at the deadline would have been the highest of high risk moves for a GM. It would have eclipsed even the Adrian Dantley-for-Mark Aguirre trade that Jack McCloskey pulled off in February 1989. There simply wouldn’t have been enough time to slay all the dragons and get all the ducks into a row, to mix metaphors (and species).

So Dumars gave Curry Iverson, and 90% of the season, basically, to work with him and find that delicate balance between pushing hard and pulling back.

Calling out your players to the press before talking to them, though — as what happened yesterday with the normally laid back Prince — isn’t a recommended path toward harmony and success. But Curry will learn. He has no choice, really.