Don’t the Phillies Know That Philadelphia Is City of Chumps, Not Champs?

They don’t win championships in Philadelphia. If they do, it’s a fluke—something that someone pulled over on God.

Every three decades or so, one of the teams will screw up the ecosystem and snatch a title out from under fate’s nose.

What’s happening now is a travesty. The Phillies are in the World Series for the second year in a row. What’s worse, they actually won it last year.

This is all wrong. Philadelphia is a city full of miscreants and crabapples, with a fan base so jaded and tormented that it makes John McEnroe look like Dale Carnegie.

Philadelphia—City of Chumps, not Champs.

The biggest winner in Philly is Rocky, and he’s not even real.

The football Eagles annually tease and flirt with their fans, batting their eyelashes and giving the “come hither” look, only to turn into Margaret Thatcher once in the bedroom.

The Eagles last won the NFL Championship in 1960. Before that, 1940 something. It took them 20 years after the ’60 title to get to the Super Bowl. Then it took over a dozen years to get there again.

The Flyers won their last Stanley Cup in 1975. They’ve made it to the Finals five times since then, but not since 1997.

The last time the 76ers were world champs of the NBA was in 1983.

It took the Phillies about a hundred years to win their first World Series, in 1980. Took them another 28 years before they’d win their second, which is about the schedule they run on in Philadelphia—an accidental title every generation or so.

This is the City of Brotherly Love—as defined by fourth graders.

The late, great sportswriter Jim Murray professed his love for Philly’s acerbic personality this way: “When a plane lands in Philadelphia, everyone gets on; no one gets off.”

They booed Mike Schmidt in Philadelphia, which is only like Detroit booing Al Kaline, for cripe’s sakes.

Philly is also the home of Temple University, which last had a good football team before they came out with electricity, just about.

The Phillies are messing everything up now.

Needless to say, the Phillies have never won back-to-back World Series—unless you want to strike every Series from 1981 to 2007 from the record books. Then in that case, yeah, they have.

But here they are, two-time National League champions, awaiting either the New York Yankees or the Los Angeles Angels.

This can’t be happening. The Phillies are going against nature, or at the very least, the baseball gods. It’s like that episode of The Brady Bunch in Hawaii when Peter finds the tiki, disturbing something all-powerful.

If the Phillies take leave of their senses and win the World Series again this year, then we’re officially closer to the Apocalypse. One of the Horsemen will have been slain.

Philadelphia can’t possibly handle two championships in a row, anyway. Back-to-back is what they do in New York (Yankees), what they do in Detroit (Pistons, Red Wings), what they do in Chicago (Bulls). Heck, they’ve even done it in San Antonio, which is famous for the Alamo, of all things.

But Philadelphia is as equipped for two straight Phillies World Series titles as a toddler is for his first solid food being a bowl of chili.

They don’t win championships in Philadelphia because the fans there don’t deserve them. It’s further proof that there are deities among us.

Sports fans in Philadelphia are petulant, unreasonable, paranoid, and mean-spirited. Unless you catch them on a good day and they’re just being jealous and unappreciative.

Philadelphia—which gave us the 1964 Phillies, who couldn’t find the handle on a six-game lead with 12 games to play and blew the pennant to St. Louis, which as a baseball city is to Philadelphia what, in fine cuisine, lobster is to beef jerky.

St. Louis wouldn’t dream of booing Stan Musial, either.

Philadelphia is the city that gave us Terrell Owens, and for that alone it deserves locusts descending on it.

The teams in Philadelphia have lost so much, have failed in such grand scale so often, that when their epic, abysmal championship droughts are actually broken with Halley’s Comet-like frequency, as was done by last year’s Phillies, it’s only natural to start looking for pestilence.

But if the Phillies of 2009 are going to put us all in mortal danger by winning their second straight World Series, then it may as well be with the team they have—which is pretty darn exciting, and good.

There’s first baseman Ryan Howard, a slugger of Herculean strength, who doesn’t hit home runs, he makes them with his bare hands. There’s center fielder Shane Victorino, who covers so much real estate in the outfield that you should call him Century 22.

There’s right fielder Jayson Werth, the feast or famine kid who can blow you away with his power or with the wind from his frequent whiffs. But guaranteed that you stick around for his at-bat, regardless.

There’s the pesky double play combo of 2B Chase Utley and SS Jimmy Rollins, two guys who can flash leather and then knock in the game-winning run on any given day.

There’s veteran LF Raul Ibanez, who turned 37 this summer but it’s all in your mind. Ibanez stroked 34 homers.

The top three starting pitchers are Cliff Lee, Pedro Martinez, and Cole Hamels. You can do worse.

The closer is Brad Lidge, who actually “gets” what being an athlete playing in Philadelphia is all about. For Lidge went from being 41-for-41 in save opportunities with a 1.95 ERA in 2008, to being 31-for-42 in 2009, despite an ERA in the thin high air of 7.21 in 2009.

Attaboy, Brad! You knew better than to put together two fabulous seasons in a row. You’re a Phillie, after all.

Batten down the hatches. The Phillies are in the World Series again, and it only took them a year to get back there this time instead of a generation. As Neil Diamond once sang, pack up the babies and grab the old ladies!

Cuz everyone knows it’s the City of Brotherly Love’s Traveling Salvation Show.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: Hoopin’ It Up, with A. Sherrod Blakely

The Detroit Pistons and the NBA took center court, if you will, last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

That’s because our guest was A. Sherrod Blakely, who is the Pistons beat writer for MLive.com.

Sherrod gave us his insights on the Pistons and the league, from his vantage point as a training camp observer and beat writer. We covered the gamut, from new acquisitions like Ben Gordon, Charlie Villanueva and draft pick Austin Daye, to returning veterans like Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, and oldie but goodie Ben Wallace.

So does Sherrod think this year’s Pistons squad is in the midst of rebuilding, or is his beer mug half full? I guess you’ll have to listen to the show to find out!

After Sherrod’s segment, Al and I dove right into yet another busy slate of talking points.

We started by giving our final thoughts on the Tigers’ epic (?) one-game playoff in Minnesota, and what we would have done differently if we were in the dugout pushing the buttons. Hint: we both agree that a certain left-handed swinging rookie should have been called upon to pinch-hit!

From there, I, once again, had to be “The Voice of Reason” and talk Al down a little bit when it came to the Red Wings and the loss of Johan Franzen.

We wrapped things up by dissecting the Lions’ 28-20 loss to the Steelers on Sunday, and Al went on a mini-rant, panning Daunte Culpepper’s performance.

The piece de resistance, of course, was the show-ending Jerks of the Week!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Next week’s guest: the always colorful Bob Page, retired (in theory) broadcaster of Detroit and New York.

Upcoming guests:

Oct. 19 Bob Page
Oct. 26 Former Lions great Alex Karras (tentative, but we’re guardedly optimistic!)
Nov. 2 Jose Canseco (yes, THE Jose Canseco!!)

Some highlights from last night:

Big Al

On the Tigers’ offense: “Adam Everett is a good player, but he doesn’t hit and the Tigers had four batting slots full of Adam Everetts this season. The Tigers need to find a good blend of offense and defense; no more of this one or the other stuff.”

On Franzen: “Who knows if he’ll be 100 percent when he returns, because this is a torn ACL injury. But I’ll take a 75 percent Johan Franzen over a lot of guys in the league.”

On Culpepper: “He made some mistakes that Matthew Stafford, as a rookie, wouldn’t have made. I think it’s time to sit him down and see what you have in Drew Stanton.”

Eno

On the one-game playoff: “It was like the whole month of September in a microcosm. The Tigers get off to a lead and the Twins peck away at it. In the end, the Tigers couldn’t execute fundamentals and the Twins did, and that was the difference.”

On the Red Wings losing Franzen: “They don’t ever have the mentality of, ‘If one guy goes down, the whole thing collapses,’ like some other teams in town. They just kind of hunker down and say, ‘We have enough talent to overcome this.’ They still have Cleary and Zetterberg and Datsyuk, and others. I’m more concerned about the penalty kill.”

On the Lions-Steelers game: “Isn’t it funny how the good teams like the Steelers, who are defending champions, can dial up three sacks like that when they need it? The Lions wouldn’t have been able to do that against Ben Roethlisberger. But that’s why the Steelers are the champs.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: We Put the Gloves On, Then Took ‘Em Off!

We turned extra combative last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

That’s because our guest was none other than Marvin Hagler, Jr., son of the multiple world champion boxer.

Junior was on to discuss his upcoming professional boxing debut, set to take place on Saturday near Philadelphia. It’s the headliner of a Celebrity Boxing card, but Marvin is no typical celebrity boxer. He’s got that famous pedigree, and, at age 33, he’s considering making this more than just a passing fling.

One bombshell was laid on us. It involves Marvin and his dad, and I guess you’ll have to listen to the show to find out what it is!

Oh, and BTW, Big Al asked Marvin which of his father’s fights was his favorite, and he selected the “Eight Minutes of Fury” bout against Thomas Hearns in 1985, which Hagler Sr. won by TKO in the third round.

“Sorry, Detroit,” Junior said.

After Marvin, there was, as usual, a boatload of things to rant about.

We started with the ever-developing Miguel Cabrera saga. Al and I spent about 30 minutes dissecting it, along with offering our opinions on how the Tigers as an organization handled things. (Hint: not very well).

Then it was on to today’s one-game playoff in Minnesota.

We offered up who we thought needed to have a big game (care to take a guess), and why the Tigers got to this point to begin with.

There was some time left for the Lions and their 30-minute performance in Chicago on Sunday. This gave Al another glorious opportunity to utter his two favorite words, “FIRE KWAN!!,” as in special teams coach Stan Kwan, whose unit was torched for one big kick return after the other, surrendering field position all afternoon.

By the time we got through all that, Michigan-Michigan State got left out in the cold! They were the guest on “The Tonight Show” that Johnny didn’t have time for.

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Next week’s guest: A. Sherrod Blakely, Pistons’ beat writer for MLive.com.

Upcoming guests:

Oct. 12 A. Sherrod Blakely
Oct. 19 Bob Page
Oct. 26 TBA
Nov. 2 Jose Canseco (yes, THE Jose Canseco!!)

Some highlights from last night:

Big Al

On Cabrera: “The Tigers were put in a tough situation but they exacerbated it. They were foolish to think they could keep something like this quiet.”

On Cabrera II: “I was 26 years old once, and I did my share of drinking. But I wasn’t being paid $120 million and asked to carry a team to the playoffs. The only good thing was that he wasn’t driving. But if that’s the only good thing you can say…”

On the Lions: “I’ve been calling for them to fire Kwan, but in all fairness he’s coaching with one hand tied behind his back. He just doesn’t have the talent.”

On Matthew Stafford: “He missed some plays, but in a couple years he’s not going to miss them and this offense is going to start to hum.”

Eno

On Cabrera: “I hope the Tigers get him some help. This wasn’t a case of a guy going out once, getting drunk once, and getting belligerent, once. These were the actions of someone with a problem. He needs to go into rehab between now and spring training and get cleaned up.”

On Cabrera II: “His numbers were good but not great. He had 33 HR and 101 RBI, but he’s capable of 40 and 120, easily. I don’t care that he doesn’t have much support in the lineup. Tough. That’s what he’s getting paid to do.”

On the Lions: “They need to address the defensive line in next year’s draft, big time. That’s the crux of their problems on defense. No contain, no pressure on the quarterback, no plays for negative yardage.”

On Matthew Stafford: “Yes, he missed some open receivers, but at least they were open. I like that the tight ends got involved, too. Stafford’s mistakes are coachable, so that’s a good thing.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE!

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: Pistons Talk Put On Hold, But Some Good Rants

Our NBA talk got put on hold for a couple weeks last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Our guest, A. Sherrod Blakely—Pistons beat writer for MLive.com—got caught up in some work-related stuff and couldn’t be with us, after all. But he WILL be joining us on October 12, so we’re pleased about that!

So given all that extra time to kill, Al and I started flapping our gums, as is our wont! And, as usual, a couple of good rants resulted.

We kicked things off by talking Tigers and their chances to wrap this division up (finally) this week.

Al, as usual, is a Nervous Nellie and I had to “talk him down,” as he put it. Because, after all, I AM the “Voice of Reason”!!

I reminded Al that the Tigers just need to win two of four against the Twins and that they certainly can do that.

Next, we moved on to U-M and their win over Indiana. The health of QB Tate Forcier is an issue, and again I “reasoned” Al down from the ledge, assuring him that the Wolverines CAN win without Forcier.

A good rant developed in this segment as we veered off into the college basketball programs in this area, especially the sad state of affairs at University of Detroit-Mercy.

We wrapped things up with the Lions and their historic win on Sunday over Washington. Another good rant formed here when the subject turned to Joey Harrington and how he never really fit in with this town’s fans.

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Next week’s guest: Marvin Hagler, Jr., who is launching a boxing career on October 10. Marvin will then fight Sugar Ray Leonard Jr. (I’m not making this up) in February.

Upcoming guests:

Oct. 5 Marvin Hagler Jr.
Oct. 12 A. Sherrod Blakely
Oct. 19 Bob Page
Oct. 26 TBA
Nov. 2 Jose Canseco (yes, THE Jose Canseco!!)

Some highlights from last night:

Big Al

On U-M football: “(QB) Denard Robinson…if he’s in there, the other team knows it’s going to be a running play. But the defense can’t stop a high school team right now.”

On the Tigers: “I’m concerned about the Twins! Are they in the Tigers’ heads? Carl Pavano’s been unhittable against the Tigers this year.”

On the UDM basketball program: “Perry Watson was a good coach and had a lot of ties to the PSL, but as far as selling the program and getting people excited about it, there wasn’t much there.”

On the Lions: “You have to say the 2009 draft was a home run. Look at all the guys who are starting. And they’re getting some contributions from the players in the lower rounds, too. But they’re still not a very good team yet.”

Eno

On the Tigers: “I think they can get the two wins they need against the Twins. As far as Pavano, no one can explain it. Pavano probably couldn’t, and the Tigers probably couldn’t. It’s just one of those things. That’s why baseball is such a great game.”

On U-M football: “If Michigan can’t win without Tate Forcier, then they have issues. The kid’s been good, but let’s not get carried away. I’m more concerned about their defense than the QB situation. Michigan is supposed to be deep at QB. So let’s see it.”

On UDM basketball: “One of the biggest recruiting obstacles is Calihan Hall. It’s old, decrepit, and is just a glorified high school gym. Plus the campus is old and not very attractive. And it’s in a bad part of town. You don’t even want to park your car there. They won’t even play Oakland University, because OU’s program is way better.”

On Matthew Stafford: “There’s something about this kid that tells me that everything’s going to be OK. He has that presence about him. We wanted to believe that about Joey Harrington, but he was from Oregon and he was a pretty boy who played the piano. It wasn’t a good fit.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: Can the Shaky Tigers Hold On?

The Tigers’ wobbly state as a first place team took center stage last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Our guest was Johnny Lawrence, one of the featured Detroit Tigers columnists for The Bleacher Report.

Johnny gave us his take on the Tigers’ chances to finally put the division to bed, and their outlook for the playoffs. While Johnny doesn’t see the Tigers advancing past ALDS, we all acknowledged that “anything can happen.”

The chat room was chock full of folks, which we appreciate. Of course, many were fans of Johnny’s, so we’ll see what happens next week!

After Johnny’s segment, Al and I got busy in a football kind of way.

We started by eulogizing ex-Lions coach Monte Clark, who passed away last week. It was mutually agreed that Monte got shafted by the Lions, being fired just one season removed from a divisional title.

Then we lamented the deaths of so many in the Lions family, past and present, in 2009. I called it “weird and sad.”

Speaking of weird and sad, Al said, let’s talk about the Lions on Sunday against the Vikings!

So we did.

To top things off, Al ranted about NFL officiating, particularly the mysterious chop block call on Gosder Cherilus.

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Some highlights from last night:

Big Al

On the second half meltdown: “It’s talent. The Lions just don’t have enough of it. You can talk schemes and strategy all you want, but it boils down to talent.”

On Jeff Backus: “His ‘miscommunication’ damn near got Matthew Stafford killed!”

On Brett Favre: “He’s nothing more than a ‘game manager’ now. And isn’t that another way of saying that you can’t win games anymore? Brett Favre didn’t beat the Lions on Sunday.”

On NFL officiating: “Make these guys full time, number one. All the other leagues do it. And you should be able to challenge more calls than you can now. As a fan it’s incredibly frustrating.”

Eno

On the second half meltdown: “I’m concerned that this new staff is being schooled by the other team’s coaches at halftime. The Lions played reasonably well for 30 minutes then just fell apart.”

On Calvin Johnson: “I love it when the Lions run Johnson on a reverse. No one can tackle him; he’s going up against these little DBs with a head of steam. I wish they ran that play more.”

On Brett Favre: “He may be a ‘game manager,’ but he’s still an upgrade from what they had, and that’s the bottom line.”

On NFL officiating: “I’m not sure making the officials full-time is the answer. They’re still going to make bad calls. But maybe they should broaden the scope of plays that you can challenge. Video replay showed that the Gosder play was no chop block.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: Hey, Hey Hockeytown!!

It was finally time to talk some serious hockey again last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Our guest was, as Big Al calls him, “The Godfather” of hockey blogging, Paul Kukla of Kukla’s Korner.

Paul joined us for a look back at the Red Wings’ off-season, and what to look for during training camp. We didn’t stop there. We pressed on, asking Paul to name us some key players for 2009-10 and where he sees the Red Wings ending up next spring.

(Note: Mr. Kukla’s glass is half full, which should reassure lots of Red Wings followers).

After Paul gave us his rich insight, Al and I got to chatting.

We began with the Tigers—Al is on the bandwagon with me and agrees the Tigers have all but sewn up the division—and their post-season chances. Then it was time to talk some football, U-M and Lions style. We dissected Michigan’s big win over Notre Dame (is Tate Forcier a Heisman candidate of the future?) and the Lions’ garish loss in New Orleans.

Finally, it was time for the requisite Jerks of the Week. Mine wasn’t sports related, but when you hear who it was, I think you’ll understand!

Fun times, as always!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Some highlights:

Big Al

On U-M freshman QB Tate Forcier: “Forcier for Heisman in a couple of years? Looks like RichRod might have found his Pat White.”

On the Tigers’ chances in the playoffs against the Yankees: “Don’t forget that it’s a shorter series, so anything can happen. We didn’t think they’d beat the Yankees in 2006, either.”

On the bullpen: “Do you make Brandon Lyon the closer now? He’s been lights out since May. How about next year? The Tigers might lose BOTH Lyon and Fernando Rodney to free agency. I think I’d rather keep Lyon, because Rodney might be easier to replace.”

On the Lions coach Jim Schwartz: “Jim Schwartz LOOKS like a head coach. He did a pretty good job of game management in New Orleans. Unfortunately, he’s been put in a sh*tty situation!”

Eno

On Forcier: “Enjoy him now. That win over Notre Dame was huge. But there’ll be a game where he just blows up, because he’s so young. But if he’s for real, Michigan should win a lot of football games over the next four years.”

On the Tigers: “They lost five games in a row and only lost a game-and-a-half off their lead. That’s an indictment of the division. They’re going to win the division. And if they’re going to beat the Yankees, it’s more likely to happen in a 3-of-5 than a 4-of-7.”

On the bullpen dynamic: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Keep Lyon as the set-up man for those tough outs in the seventh and eighth innings. I hope the Tigers don’t lose both of them to free agency. Ryan Perry isn’t ready yet to assume a bigger role. He’s too erratic.”

On the Lions: “The revamped defense was shockingly like last year’s. I think Matthew Stafford had the usual first game jitters. The Lions need to give him a running game, somehow.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: A Football Fest, With U-M and Lions Radio Guy Jim Brandstatter!

It was a football frenzy last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Our guest was U-M and Lions radio analyst Jim Brandstatter, who gave us some insight on Michigan football after the Wolves’ 31-7 win over WMU on Saturday. And yes, we touched on the controversy brewing in Ann Arbor over practice time.

“I believe Michigan does things right,” Brandy said, admittedly not surprisingly!

We did about 25 minutes on U-M, then another 25 on the Lions. More big news to talk about there, with the naming of Matthew Stafford as the starting QB.

“It was just a matter of time,” Brandstatter said of Stafford becoming the starter.

We thank Mr. Brandstatter, who hustled back home after a couple days up north with his family to do a special Labor Day edition of TKJ. Thanks, Brandy!

After Brandstatter, Al and I gave our opinions on Michigan and the Lions, then we launched into a spirited discussion about the Tigers and their playoff chances (I declared the race over and done with). As we talked, a dark horse name emerged as the team’s third starter in the playoffs.

By the time we got done with football and the Tigers—which included handicapping Jim Leyland’s chances of being Manager of the Year, Miggy Cabrera’s chances of being AL MVP, and Placido Polanco’s chances of being a Tiger next year (he’s a free agent after the season and young 2B Scott Sizemore is in the wings)—it was time to name our Jerks of the Week, which we colorfully did, as usual!

Some highlights:

Big Al

On U-M QB Denard Robinson: “This kid has another gear that I didn’t think was humanly possible. A couple defenders had an angle on him during his touchdown run and he just ran right past them!”

On new D-coordinator Greg Robinson: “Robinson might be the best ‘acquisition’ Michigan picked up in the off-season. The defense was aggressive and not reactive, as under (2008’s coordinator) Scott Shaffer.”

On Cabrera: “We got on his case earlier in the season for putting up empty stats, but this guy’s been on fire since the All-Star Break.”

On Leyland: “He has that 2006 aura going on right now.”

Eno

On who should be the starting QB for U-M: “Sooner or later you have to throw the ball, and while I like Robinson’s athleticism, I think Tate Forcier’s the best choice, long term.”

On Rich Rodriguez: “The win over WMU was nice, but he’s going to have to do a lot more than that to ingratiate himself in the Michigan culture. If he beats Notre Dame, that’s a huge step in the right direction.”

On U-M/Notre Dame: “I see a blowout for Michigan. I don’t know what it is, but I just sense Michigan winning by at least two touchdowns. I think Charlie Weis is overrated, too.”

On Polanco: “If the Tigers only offer him a one-year deal, that’s an insult. And why not move Scott Sizemore to shortstop and let him play there until Polanco’s ready to move on or retire?”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on the “The Knee Jerks”: We Got Literary, Then Cranky (As Usual)

He was a little late, but our guest, author Marty Appel, showed up on “The Knee Jerks” Monday night, to enliven my weekly sports gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Appel’s new book is “Munson: The Life and Death of a Yankees Captain,” and it’s a terrific recollection of the great Yankees catcher who died in August 1979, when the private plane Munson was piloting made a crash landing in Canton, Ohio.

We spent a fun 30 minutes or so with Marty, who regaled us with stories of Munson and the “Bronx Zoo” days of the Yankees, circa 1976-79, along with his project.

After Marty’s segment, Al and I tackled, so to speak, the current situation in Ann Arbor with U-M’s football program. I got a little hot under the collar when the notion was brought up about Michigan not being a top program anymore, much to Al’s surprise and glee.

After Michigan, we discussed the Tigers and why they’re unable to run away with a horrible division; the Red Wings’ signing of Todd Bertuzzi, Jason Williams, and Patrick Eaves; and, of course, the Lions as they prepare for the start of the regular season.

Some highlights:

Big Al

On U-M football: “Rich Rodriguez is a square peg in a round hole. But Michigan is still a top five job. But if he wins…winning covers a multitude of sins.”

On the Tigers: “They’re contenders at home and pretenders on the road. They’ve won one of their last 11 road series. It’s hard to think that a team that bad on the road can be a playoff team, but the division is so bad.”

On the Red Wings: “I see where the Red Wings are coming from with the Bertuzzi signing. He can go into the corners and muck it up. And the price is right. But when Jason Williams was here, he had the reputation as a whiny underachiever.”

On the Lions: “Daunte Culpepper is the safest option. NFL coaches are a notoriously conservative bunch. Matthew Stafford has the best arm of any Lions quarterback I’ve seen, bar none. But Culpepper gives the Lions the best chance to win.”

Eno

On U-M football: “Lloyd Carr won nine games in his last year (in 2007). So how come Michigan’s not a good job anymore? It’s not a good job anymore because the people running the show like (President) Mary Sue Coleman and (AD) Bill Martin are MAKING it a bad job!”

On the Tigers: “They’d have to completely tank not to win this ridiculous joke of a division. The fact that they’re not running away with it is an indictment of them and their offense.”

On the Red Wings: “All I know is, the Red Wings seem to have this knack of resurrecting the careers of veteran players. And Bertuzzi and Williams still know a lot of the people with the Red Wings and they know how to play ‘Red Wings hockey.’”

On the Lions: “I think the Lions will start Daunte Culpepper in New Orleans. I think cooler heads will prevail. And I don’t think you want Matthew Stafford to get into a gunslinging match with Drew Brees.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night on “The Knee Jerks”: Hooping It Up, “Old School”, With Ray Scott!

It was time to talk some “old school” basketball last night on “The Knee Jerks”!

The weekly gabfest I have with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience had another jam-packed episode, and our guest was former Pistons player and coach and member of the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame (MSHOF), Ray Scott.

Ray regaled us with stories, from his being drafted by the Pistons in 1961, to his time as the team’s coach from 1972-76. And we discussed the state of the current Pistons, and got Ray’s take on the rebuilding project that GM Joe Dumars is undertaking.

Finally, we talked about the sorry financial state of the MSHOF, how it got to be so bad, and whether there’s hope for it. (Ray seems to think there could be a “white knight” on the horizon; we’ll see).

It was a glorious (and fast) 60 minutes with one of the “walking encyclopedias” of NBA history—Mr. Ray Scott.

After Ray, Al and I talked some Tigers and Lions for the remaining hour.

The highlights:

Big Al

On the Tigers acquiring Aubrey Huff: “The Tigers FINALLY did what I’ve been asking since the beginning of the season—they got a left-handed bat! But where the heck is Huff going to play?”

On the beanbrawl in Beantown featuring Rick Porcello and Kevin Youkilis: “Youkilis was a pussy. The Tigers got bent over by the league with the ejection of Porcello.”

On the Lions’ exhibition win Saturday: “I still don’t see this team winning more than four games because there are too many issues on defense. The front four produced no pressure against the Falcons’ starters.”

On Matthew Stafford: “I think it might be a good decision, after all, to have Stafford start Game One of the regular season. If he’s the best QB, then there’s no reason not to play him. Period.”

Eno

On Huff: “He may be what the Tigers need to get over the hump. Sometimes guys who come from last place teams get re-energized. This could be good for both parties.”

On the beanbrawl: “To eject Porcello without any warnings handed out was a screw job, for sure.”

On the Lions’ exhibition game: “I wouldn’t read too much into the defensive issues right now. At least the Lions have a coordinator who believes in blitzing and pressuring the QB, and that in of itself is a breath of fresh air.”

On Stafford: “It’s getting to the point now where if you’re looking for reasons NOT to like him, it’s like nitpicking. And what an arm he has!”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night On “The Knee Jerks”: Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Joe Dexter

It was a baseball extravaganza last night on “The Knee Jerks”!

The weekly gabfest I have with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience had another thrilling episode, and our guest was Detroit sports blogger and radio host Joe Dexter of Motor City Bengals.com.

The topic, as expected with a guy who’s got a website named that, was the Tigers.

We spent a full hour and some change with Joe, covering everything from the Tigers’ chances to win the division (plus how they stack up against the Yankees and Red Sox); the possibility of adding another bat before Aug. 31; the confounding Magglio Ordonez; the possibility of adding John Smoltz; whether we trust Armando Galarraga; Jim Leyland on steroids; the toughness of Brandon Inge; and much, much more!

I went on a rant about the fear of dealing prospects, and even though I apologized on the air, it felt oh, so good!

After Joe, Al and I talked some Lions and Pistons for the remaining 25 minutes.

The highlights:

Big Al

On Lions rookie QB Matthew Stafford: “This kid has got a gun. No, he’s got a cannon. He’s got a high-powered weapon.” (this is a week after Al said he wasn’t going to allow himself to get excited!)

On new coach Jim Schwartz: “I hate to say it, but one of the reasons why I’m so excited about the season starting is that Jim Schwartz has been impressing the hell out of me.”

On the Pistons signing Ben Wallace: “He’s going to play for about $1.3 million, which in the NBA is nothing. I wonder if Rodney Stuckey will let him have No. 3 back.”

Eno

On Stafford: “It looks like a perfect storm for him to play. New regime, new teammates, all this praise. It looks like it’s all coming together for him.”

On Schwartz: “I don’t get the feeling that he’s going to let the inmates run the asylum, as has been the case in the past. The Lions finally seem to have a strong personality as head coach.”

On Wallace: “If he can block a few shots, grab some rebounds, change the momentum a little bit…inject some energy, then he’s worth the money.”
You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE.

Last Night’s Episode of “The Knee Jerks”: What a Shame!

There’s a new drinking game that might sweep the nation.

If you were to take a shot of liquor every time Big Al or I said the word “shame” last night on “The Knee Jerks”, then you’d likely be hungover this morning.

So what was so shameful?

The sorry financial state of the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame. The loss of the Buick Open, and perhaps the Belle Isle Grand Prix. The way Lions third string QB Drew Stanton has been treated in Detroit. And more!

The first 45 minutes of last night’s show were spent with former WDFN and WRIF morning man and current Free Press blogger Jamie Samuelsen, who regaled us with some back stories of why WDFN fizzled out, and mused about the landscape of sports talk radio in Detroit, present and future. We also got his take on the Lions and Tigers. It was a very fun and fast 45 minutes.

Then, it was on to Detroit sports proper.

The highlights:

Big Al

On the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame: “This is disturbing news. How are they $150,000 in debt with no overhead?”

On the early raves about Lions rookie QB Matthew Stafford: “I’m not going to allow myself to get excited. I want to see him in game situations first. I want to see it to believe it.”

On the Tigers not getting a bat at the trade deadline: “(GM) Dave Dombrowski didn’t do his job. He had a job to do, and that was to get a bat, and he didn’t do it.”

Eno

On the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame: “I know some things that I can’t say on the air, but I can tell you that when this stuff hits the fan, someone’s going down, because some of this stuff seems pretty heinous.”

On Matthew Stafford: “The thing I like about what they’re saying about Stafford is the intangibles, like grasping the offense and having command and a presence in the huddle. I like that more than the physical tools.”

On the Tigers: “If the Tigers lose the division because they couldn’t score some freaking runs, then Dave Dombrowski ought to be fired.”

You can listen to the episode by clicking HERE

“The Knee Jerks”: A new open, a new chat room–even a caller!

If it was Monday night, then it was “The Knee Jerks”, correct?

Yes!!

Last night was no exception, as Big Al and I blabbed on our weekly Blog Talk Radio Show for the customary 90 minutes and some change.

The first 35 of those minutes were spent with pro wrestler and soon-to-be-Reality TV star Matt Riviera, who regaled us with stories of his career in pro wrestling and his upcoming VH1 show, “Megan Wants a Millionaire,” in which Matt and 16 other millionaires vie for the heart of the gorgeous Megan Hauserman. It debuts this Sunday, August 2, at 9:00 PM ET.

After Matt’s segment, Al and I talked about two controversial QBs—Brett Favre and Michael Vick. Then we mourned the very possible loss of the Buick Open after this year, talked a little U-M football, and then launched into Tigers and Lions talk. All that, plus our Jerks of the Week.

Oh, and did I mention that we unveiled our new pre-taped show opening and opened up a “Knee Jerks” chat room during the show? And that we took our first phone call from a listener?

Whew!!

Here are some hi-lites:

Big Al

On the Tigers’ offense: “It’s like watching the same game over and over again.”

On Brett Favre: “I’m tired of this. At this point in his career, on a good day, Favre is maybe an above average quarterback. But the Vikings are putting up with him because if he joins them, he’s automatically the best QB on the roster.”

On the Lions still having draft choices unsigned: “I’m having flashbacks to the days of (former GM) Russ Thomas!”

Eno

On the Buick Open: “I’ve been there. I’ve covered it. The players love it. Corey Pavin told me a few years ago that the Buick was one of his favorite stops on the tour. It’s a shame if this is the last one.”

On Favre: “He’s transforming his legacy from one of the best quarterbacks in the game to one of the most aggravating people.”

On the Lions: “Al, you’re over-reacting, as usual, when it comes to the Lions. These guys will get signed—if not now, then soon. Three days to camp is an eternity.”

You can listen to the show by clicking HERE.

Another Exciting Episode of “The Knee Jerks” Is Waiting For Download!

It was yet another jam-packed episode of “The Knee Jerks” last night on Blog Talk Radio!

My weekly gabfest with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience went off without a hitch, as for the first 30 minutes we were joined by Paul Swaney of Bleacher Report, who will begin a quest in August 2010 to visit all 122 venues in the NHL, NFL, MLB, and NBA within a 12-month period!

Paul’s website is www.stadiumjourney.com, and you can check out more of him and his mission there.

As for Al and me, we launched into a 35-minute discussion on the Tigers, talking about everything from their sorry offense to the team’s financial state to Curtis Granderson’s off-field distractions. Then we lit into the Pistons and their doughnut-like team (a big hole in the middle), despite the signing of free agent Chris Wilcox. We also pooh-poohed the notion of Big Ben Wallace returning to the Pistons, as has been rumored.

Some highlights….

Big Al: “I wouldn’t be surprised if Magglio Ordonez was released when Carlos Guillen comes back.”

“You’re going to see a much different Tigers team next year. The payroll might drop below $100 million.”

“The Pistons are going to have to score 100, 110 points a night to win anymore.”

Eno: “Rick Porcello won’t be going back to Toledo, EVER. He won’t have to ride another bus the rest of his life. That’s how good this kid is.”

“If Curtis Granderson is going to be a leadoff hitter, then he’s got to hit better than .255. He hits homers, but he’s getting them quietly.”

“I wish the Pistons would quit trying to fill their center position on the cheap.”

We also named our respective Jerks of the Week!

You can listen to the show by clicking HERE.

The Latest Episode of “The Knee Jerks” With Special Guest Bob Page!!

It was a no-holds barred episode of “The Knee Jerks” last night on Blog Talk Radio, as Big Al and I welcomed former Detroit and New York broadcasting legend Bob Page to the program.

As expected (and hoped), Bob told it like it was. It was a wonderful first hour of a special, expanded, two-hour edition of TKJ.

Here are some highlights:

On being down on major league baseball: “After the 1994 strike, when they canceled the World Series, I was essentially done. You think I’m going to pay to see that nonsense?”

On his time in Detroit: “It’s my hometown, and always will be. I would have liked to have come back and done something in Detroit, but it’s a soft market and everyone is afraid of their own shadow.”

On working in New York: “They brought me in the back door, on a little-known network and a little-known show. Other guys, like Eli Zaret and Bernie Smilovitz, were brought in as these big stars. Maybe that’s why I lasted so long and they didn’t.”

On New York as a sports town: “I will tell you that New York is, by far, the most overrated sports town. By far.”

On the U-M football program: “Les Miles should be the coach at Michigan. All (AD) Bill Martin had to do was call Les, say, ‘It’s time to come home. We don’t care what you’re making at LSU.’ And Les would have been on the next plane. Bill Martin screwed that up terribly!”

And that’s just scratching the surface.

Tune in, and after Bob, Al and I talked Tigers, Pistons, and Red Wings, plus named our respective Jerks of the Week (mine wasn’t even about sports!).

You can listen to the show here:

The Latest Episode of “The Knee Jerks” Is Ready For Public Consumption!

Another episode of “The Knee Jerks” on Blog Talk Radio is in the books!

My weekly gabfest with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience is now a 90-minute extravaganza, and we needed every one of those minutes to talk about what was a VERY busy week in the Detroit sports stratosphere.

Last night’s show was chock full of goodies….

We kicked things off with an interview with Tom Hannon, who runs TheBaseballPage.com and has written a book about Wiffle Ball (yep!) called Backyard Ball. Tom also has constructed a to-scale replica of Brooklyn’s Ebbets Field.

After Tom, Al and I delved into the chaos in Pistons Land, with free agents coming and going and the coaching job still vacant; the Red Wings losses in free agency; the Tigers’ feeble lineup; the Steve McNair tragedy; and our Jerks of the Week.

Some highlights:

Big Al (on the Pistons’ coaching search): “You throw enough money at someone, you’ll get them.”

(on the Red Wings losing Marian Hossa): “The Red Wings are the best-run organization in sports. If anyone can make up for Hossa’s loss, it’s the Red Wings.”

Eno (on Curtis Granderson): “I can’t believe he made the All-Star team, to tell you the truth. He’s fallen in love with the home run.”

(on the Tigers’ lineup): “I look at it and I think, ‘Where’s the pop?’ This is NOT a division-winning lineup, I’m sorry. They need a bat.”

There wasn’t even any time for Word Association!

Click HERE to listen!

“The Knee Jerks” Make Their Triumphant Return To Blog Talk Radio; Nobody Gets Hurt

We’re baaaack!

“The Knee Jerks”, my weekly Blog Talk Radio gabfest with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience, made its return last night after a five-week hiatus due to Al recovering from major (and more painful that he thought) back surgery.

Al’s stamina was impressive. After initially indicating that he wanted to do a 35-40 minute show, he stayed with me until 12:15 — a full 75 minutes after we started.

You can hear us rehash the Red Wings’ Stanley Cup run (including my experiences being at the Finals as a member of the media); listen to us talk about the team’s future — both on the ice and in terms of which building they’ll play in; wring our hands over Magglio Ordonez; and talk glowingly about the Lions’ new regime (no, it’s not Kool-Aid sipping, promise!) if you click below.

We are now back on schedule — every Monday night live at 11 PM ET. Click here for more details about upcoming episodes, including our special guest — former Detroit broadcaster Bob Page — on July 13.

Programming Note: “The Knee Jerks” Postponed Tonight

Hey, all you Jerksters!

Big Al continues to find the going slow in his recuperation from his major back surgery of May 27. So, tonight’s episode of “The Knee Jerks” on Blog Talk Radio, with special guest Bob Page, has been postponed.

We hope to be back “on the air” in a couple weeks.

We’ll keep you posted!

“The Knee Jerks” Programming Note

Hey there, fellow Jerksters!

Big Al is still recuperating from back surgery, so this week’s episode of “The Knee Jerks” on Blog Talk Radio will be postponed. We hope to do the show this Wednesday, June 3, at 11 p.m. ET.

Will keep you posted!

Our guest, by the way, will be contributing writer Paul Swaney from Bleacher Report. Paul will join us to talk Tigers and about his stadium tour that he engages in. Should be fun!

If You Missed Last Night’s Broadcast Of “The Knee Jerks”, No Worries (Just don’t let it happen again!)

Last night was Episode Four of the new, improved, Blog Talk Radio version of “The Knee Jerks.”

And oh, what an episode it was!

Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience and I were joined by Keith Shelton, the No. 1-ranked Red Wings writer on Bleacher Report.

We talked Red Wings-Blackhawks, and after we let Keith go, Al and I got into some Tigers discussion.

Plus, as usual, we played Word Association and named our respective Jerks of the Week.

When Al put Keith on the spot, asking him who would win a Red Wings-Penguins Stanley Cup Final, Shelton said:

“I pick the Red Wings in five or six games. Their defense is what sets them apart from every team in the NHL.”

You can visit here to listen to last night’s broadcast and our archived shows.

The Knee Jerks: Highlights From Last Night’s Broadcast!

Last night was the second LIVE episode of “The Knee Jerks” on Blog Talk Radio, my weekly broadcast with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

In case you missed it, here are some highlights culled from last night’s episode:

On Tigers manager Jim Leyland and his contract situation:

Eno: He says he’s had two good years and one bad one. No, Jim, you’ve had three bad second halves in a row, is what you had!

Big Al: When he went public with [his contract situation] last fall, he couldn’t have mis-read that situation any more than he did. He was in NO position to ask for a contract extension.

On the Tigers’ rotation once Jeremy Bonderman returns from surgery in a couple weeks:

Eno: I think Armando Galarraga ought to be worried. I think he’s on the bubble.

Big Al: (on Dontrelle Willis) I’m not convinced that he can get big league hitters out.

On Red Wings-Blackhawks:

Eno: (on Marian Hossa/Pavel Datsyuk’s goal-scoring slumps) You can’t have EVERYONE going ALL the time. Or else you’d win every game 9-2!

Big Al: If Johan Franzen is a playoff God, then Dan Cleary is playoff Jesus!

On Chris Osgood:

Eno: I wish all the Osgood haters would shove it. When the stakes are high, he plays his best. Period.

Big Al: You can make a case that Chris Osgood is a Hall of Fame goalie.

To download the broadcast, click HERE!!

The Knee Jerks: Our Swan Song re: The Text Version

Hey!! It’s the FINAL webisode of “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly IM chat with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Why is it the final one?

Why, because we’re taking our act to Blog Talk Radio, that’s why!

We’ve already had two broadcasts, and we intend to continue–every Monday night at 11 p.m. ET LIVE. Of course, all shows are available for download at your convenience, too.

Join us every Monday night!

For our last webisode, it’s a slimmed down version.

We preview tonight’s Game Seven at JLA, discuss the Tigers and a certain “physical” umpire, and the usual suspects show up: Word Association and Jerk of the Week.

Enjoy, and remember:
Listen to The Knee Jerks on Blog Talk Radio

**********************************

Eno: Well, folks, welcome to the swan song of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al.” I’m Eno, aka Mr. Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot/Mr. Blogger. Al, it’s the swan song because of our WILDLY successful decision to move this chat to Blog Talk Radio every Monday night at 11 p.m. ET LIVE.

Big Al: WILDLY? Really? Cool! But yes, sadly this will be the final text chat as we jump in, headfirst, into pod casting. What feedback we’ve been getting on the pod cast is positive, so the time is right, and we’re lacking the time, to do both. We’re going to try and keep the chat swan song short and sweet.

Eno: And with that, let’s start with the only place TO start—tonight’s Game Seven at Joe Louis Arena. I don’t know about you, but those weren’t the series-closing Red Wings we all know and love in Game Six. They were just sluggish enough to open the door for the Ducks. Very un-Red Wings-like. Cause for concern, or were they simply due for a clunker in that situation?

Big Al: Concerned? Some. But let’s not forget the Ducks are a very good team, not your usual No. 8 seed. I’m not surprised they held serve at home. I do think the Wings will do the same on their home ice at The Joe. There’s too much at stake for them to go into a two period-long funk. I’m hoping the Ducks’ thuggishness at the end of Game Six (and yes, despite what they are saying in Anaheim, it was all Ducks causing the end of game mayhem, the penalty minutes bear it out: Anaheim 36 to Detroit’s 10) fires up the Red Wings. Especially Pavel Datsyuk, who was on the receiving end of a Scott Neidermayer cheap shot elbow. (Uh, what does it take for the NHL’s Colin Campbell to give out suspensions anymore? Someone have to die? Even then, it would only be a one-gamer…) Red Wings will come out flying tonight.

Eno: I agree. I predicted 6-2, Detroit. Back to Datsyuk. He missed that golden opportunity in the waning seconds of Game Six to tie the game. No telling what kind of point-scoring outburst that goal would have unleashed. Can the Wings win much more without more Datsyuk production?

Big Al: No. Even if Datsyuk doesn’t score, he needs to produce points, in setting up Henrik Zetterberg and Tomas Holmstrom. [Pavel]’s an MVP candidate. MVP candidates need to be your best players, and Datsyuk hasn’t been in this series. (The best overall Wing has been the scoring machine named Johan Franzen) The thing with Datsyuk is when he’s slumping, rather than continuing to shoot, he gets overly fancy with the puck, passing up good shot opportunities in attempting to get great opportunities, often ending up with no opportunity. He needs to be effective tonight, and not get caught up in all the extra-curriculars. It’s fun to watch Datsyuk drop the gloves, but that’s not what the Wings want or need from him.

Eno: True that. Game Sevens, as you know, are highly unpredictable. Who could have foreseen the Red Wings’ 7-0 demolition of Colorado in 2002? You just never know. But something in my bones tells me the Red Wings will bust loose and end the Ducks’ quacking for good.

Big Al: Moving on, what’s your take on the brouhaha in Wednesday night’s Tigers-Twins game? Jim Leyland went NUCLEAR on home plate umpire Paul Schriber for pushing Magglio Ordonez toward the Tigers’ dugout after Maggs gently disputed a called third strike. Leyland was on top of Schriber mere seconds after he touched Ordonez, and let loose with both barrels. Personally, I think the ump crossed a long known line. It’s an automatic suspension if a player touches an ump; you have to believe the umps should have to toe the same line, right?

Eno: Oh my goodness, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! Good for Leyland for protecting his player. He went nuclear justifiably! Maggs wasn’t even arguing very strenuously, or for very long. What Schriber was thinking, I don’t know. He damn well better be disciplined. This isn’t a high school game. At first I thought the ump simply placed his hand on Maggs’ back as if to say, “That’s OK”, but then I noticed that there was an attempt to push Maggs toward the dugout. I have NEVER seen that in my 40 years of watching big league baseball. Never.

Big Al: Same here, I was flabbergasted. If there isn’t some sort of suspension for Schriber, I believe the all-powerful Player Association will have something to say….and it won’t be good. But kudos to Leyland. His actions are totally defensible. As for the game, I’d rather not talk about it. Though for everyone wondering why Brandon Lyon was sent out for a third inning (his night ending on Tiger killer Joe Crede’s game-winning grand slam), Nate Robertson was placed on the 15 day DL Thursday morning with a back strain.

Eno: Hmmm….well, I gotta cut Lyon some slack. He threw about 70 pitches, which is wayyy more than he’s used to. I loved the balk call in the top of the inning, though. Curtis Granderson clearly induced it. I’m amazed at how umps spot balks, no matter how subtle. OK, anything else before we move on to WordAss?

Big Al: For what it’s worth, that ugly Baggiedome, where the Twins play, can’t be imploded soon enough. The game played there is not really baseball, and should be called the Hubert H. Humphrey Horrordome! That place has nothing but bad, bad, bad memories for Tigers fans. GOOD RIDDANCE.

Big Al: Now I’m ready for WORDASS…

WORD ASSOCIATION

Eno: OK, let’s start with this one….the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Big Al: The NHL’s Golden Children. You know they are hoping their Chosen One, Sidney Crosby, gets back to the Stanley Cup finals. He’s a Don Cherry approved Canadian boy, you know. Gary Bettman is just dying to push the Penguins. Unlike the Euro-dominated Red Wings. Screw it, don’t get me going on the FUBAR’ed NHL. It’s not worth it.

Eno: Next, back to Magglio Ordonez.

Big Al: He’s no longer worth $18 million, which is what he’ll be paid if the Tigers continue to play him full time. But even if they keep him under the salary-guaranteeing at bat threshold (which is around 450 ABs), allowing the Tigers to buy out his deal, there’s no one in the pipeline to replace him. The Tigers have to ride it out with Ordonez.

Eno: Two more: I say the Lions will play a meaningful Thanksgiving Day game in 2009 and you say….

Big Al: If you are watching a meaningful Lions game on Thanksgiving, it’s because your turkey was stuffed with hallucinatory drugs.

Eno: OK!! Finally, I ask you who comes out of the Eastern Conference in the Stanley Cup playoffs and you say…..

Big Al: The Penguins, as Bettman has deemed so. It shall be written, it shall be done…’

Big Al: Ready for a few, Eno-sabi?

Eno: Go for it!

Big Al: The Tigers’ highly paid, anxiety ridden starting pitcher, whose start last night was the beginning of his final chance of sticking long term with the Tigers, Dontrelle Willis.

Eno: He made it through that first start and it wasn’t a disaster. It’s like a recovering alcoholic: one start at a time, brother.

Big Al: Baby steps for the D-Train. Next, the suspended for PEDs Dodger, Manny Ramirez.

Eno: There’s a REALLY good joke in there somewhere, but I’ll be darned if I’ve found it yet!

Big Al: Just Manny being Manny, I guess. Nothing he does surprises me, though like any slugger who thrived earlier in this decade, his entire career is now under suspicion. One more before we get to our final (in print) Jerk of the Week, the Twins’ Joe Crede.

Eno: Not only does this Tiger killer stay in the AL after leaving the White Sox, he stays in the freaking division!! I can’t wait for his retirement.

Big Al: You and me both, Eno. I’m sick of Crede beating the Tigers. Ready to name your JotW?

JERK OF THE WEEK

Eno: My, my….let’s see….I think I’ll go with Paul Schriber, the aforementioned umpire. Heck, how about Jerk of the Baseball Season? I can’t wait to see what happens in the aftermath. The video evidence is damning. I saw him mouth to Leyland, “I didn’t push him.” Bull—-

Big Al: Well said. My JotW is the NHL’s Director of Hockey Operations, and the point man for on-ice incidents, Colin Campbell. The man is an IDIOT. Maybe insane as well. Has there ever been a league with a more inconsistent policy in regard to on-field/court/ice actions than the NHL? Neidermayer’s flying elbow to the side of Datsyuk’s head was a reprehensible, suspendable move. The NHL’s (re: Campbell’s) response? There was no response. It’s not just the Wings who have a beef, it’s every team in the league! I have no idea where the line in the ice is set in regard to in-game violence anymore, and neither do the players. Someone is going to get killed. Seriously.

Eno: Yeah, you just can’t figure the NHL out anymore—in every area. OK, my friend, thus ends our seven-month-plus run doing “The Knee Jerks” chat. Now it’s all on the radio show to take it from here!

Big Al: Indeed. We’ll be on Blog Talk Radio every Monday night at 11 PM, bringing the Jerkosity! Jerkitude? Jerkism?

Eno: All of the above!! So remember to tune in every Monday night LIVE if you’d like to call in and talk to us, or you can always download the broadcast at your convenience. Every Tuesday we’ll post highlights from the broadcast, to give you a taste of what you missed! Thanks so much for all these IM chats, Big Al! Looking forward to talking with you Monday night.

Big Al: See you then, Sir Eno. Book-em, Dano! Murder one…Uh…I mean, Aloha!

Eno: Ciao, Italy!!

The Knee Jerks On The Air! Show #2

Show #2 is in the books.

“The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al” — the new online radio version, is available for download.

Every Monday night at 11 p.m. ET LIVE, I talk sports with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience.

In case you missed it last night, here are some highlights:

On Chuck Daly:

Big Al: “Chuck Daly, in a way, ruined the NBA…he caused rules changes.”

Eno: “Daly had all the credentials to be a Pistons coach in 1983, which were none!”

Eno: “He was the first NBA coach who really put it out there that this is a player’s league.”

Big Al: “He wasn’t a great Xs and Os guy, like Larry Brown, but he could manage people.”

Eno: “I remember when Chuck replaced Bill Laimbeer in the 1990 Finals with William Bedford for a few minutes in Game Three. I thought, ‘Wow, what a message.’”

Big Al: “His death hit me hard.”

On the Red Wings-Ducks:

Big Al: “If the Red Wings keep this up, the Ducks don’t have a chance.”

Eno: “Brian Rafalski hasn’t played a minute in this series, and Kris Draper hasn’t played a minute in the playoffs, yet here they are, on the verge of going back to the conference finals.”

Big Al: (on the recall of Darren McCarty) “I don’t think he deserves to be on a playoff roster.”

Eno: (on McCarty) “The Wings don’t want anything weird to happen, and if Darren’s in there, maybe something weird won’t happen.”

On the Tigers:

Eno: (on Dontrelle Willis’s return) “We don’t know how that’s going to go. It could either go sideways again or be a great story.”

Big Al: (on roster moves) “I think Nate Robertson might be in trouble. He never pitches. He’s a $7-plus million mop-up man.”

To make it even easier, here’s last night’s broadcast. (Windows Media Player will open and start playing the show)

Only Their Mothers Could Love These Guys

(Author’s note: in honor of Mother’s Day, here are five athletes—and one bonus guy—who played in Detroit and who, for one reason or another, would never have won a popularity contest—unless the only voter was mom)


One was nicknamed, appropriately, “Bad News”. Another was a convicted felon. One of them, they called “Terrible.”

Thank God for mothers.

For without mom, I don’t think the following list of former professional athletes who once played in Detroit would have had anyone to show them any love.

The criteria for this bastion of ignominy is varied. Either they were hated by their opponents, or their coaches, or the fans, or even their own teammates. Some of these guys managed to anger all of the above.

Except mom, it’s presumed.

It’s hoped.

Denny McLain, Detroit Tigers (1963-70). McLain is the last pitcher to win thirty games, and also the last one to spend time in the federal pen as a convicted felon.

Denny’s travails are too numerous to get into when there are so many other people to talk about here, but here’s a quick summary.

Suspended for carrying a loaded handgun. Left teammate Mickey Lolich and his wife at the 1969 All-Star Game, despite promising to fly them back in his plane. Dumped a bucket of water on a sportswriter. Hoodwinked some teammates into investing into a failed paint company.

(Deep breath before continuing)

Openly broke team rules so he could jet around the country and play the organ. Long suspected of having his foot stomped on by a mobster in 1967 due to some gambling debts.

(Another deep breath)

Whined and pouted his way through a season in Washington under Ted Williams. Out of baseball by age 28. Convicted of racketeering. Spent time in federal prison. Released. Convicted of embezzling pension funds from a Michigan packing plant. Spent more time in prison. Released.

(One more….)

In and out of TV and radio as a talk show host. In and out of 7-11 as a store clerk.

But always in the news, for one reason or another.

Like the song said, “There’s never been any like Denny McLain.”

Thank God.

Marvin “Bad News” Barnes, Detroit Pistons (1976-78). When the American Basketball Association folded, four remaining teams merged into the NBA. The ABA’s orphaned players were then drafted into the NBA.

The Pistons had a chance at a young, powerful center named Moses Malone.

So naturally, they picked a talented but troubled forward from the St. Louis Spirits named Marvin Barnes, despite his nickname from college: “Bad News”.

Marvin belted a teammate with a tire iron in college. He skirted team rules, both as a collegian and as a pro.

He reported late to his first training camp with the Pistons. He pouted about coming off the bench. He was caught at Metro Airport with a gun in his luggage. He would arrive late to games, if he arrived at all.

All that, and he had the nerve to ask that his nickname be changed to simply, “News.”

OK, Marvin.

And don’t they say that no news is good news?

“Terrible” Ted Lindsay, Detroit Red Wings (1944-57; 1964-65). The nickname says it all.

But if you look at Teddy today, and thank goodness he’s still with us, it’s hard not be taken by how slight of build he is. A runt, by today’s standards.

Frankly, Teddy wasn’t much more than a runt by yesterday’s standards, either.

Listed at all of 5-foot-8, Teddy was one of the most hated players of his day.

He taught Gordie Howe, no less, how to handle himself on the ice. Teddy gave Mr. Hockey pointers, including being aware of who is on the ice with you—something that served Gordie well when he famously beat the tar out of tough guy Louie Fontinato of the Rangers.

Teddy received death threats before a playoff game in Toronto, and after scoring the game-winning goal, he skated around the ice and used his stick to pretend to spray the Maple Leaf Gardens crowd with machine gun fire.

Teddy started the tradition of skating the Stanley Cup around the ice after winning it. I once asked him how and why.

“Back in those days, all they did was put the Cup on a little table on the ice. You posed for pictures and that was it,” he explained.

“So I decided that I’d give the fans a chance to see it. I took it and before anyone could stop me, I skated it around the ice with me. I wasn’t trying to start a tradition. It was just something I decided to do at the spur of the moment.”

Shucks, Teddy wasn’t so Terrible after all.

Joe Don Looney, Detroit Lions (1965). This time, the surname says it all.

Looney was a first-round draft pick of the New York Giants in 1964 after a stellar, if not strange, career at Oklahoma.

The hijinks began on campus.

Looney first enrolled at Texas in 1960, but flunked out. He then entered Texas Christian. They kicked him out. So he tried Cameron Junior College for a bit. Finally, he ended up at Oklahoma.
But Looney was kicked off the team after just three games in 1963 by coach Bud Wilkinson after Looney punched a graduate assistant.

Still, the Giants drafted Looney 12th overall.

Just a few weeks into training camp, the Giants were so fed up with Looney’s behavior that they traded him to Baltimore. The Colts had him for a year before dealing him to Detroit.

Lions coach Harry Gilmer once asked Looney to run into the huddle with a play for the quarterback.

“Coach, if you want a message sent, call Western Union,” Looney told Gilmer in a story that is absolutely not apocryphal, though it seems so, for as many times as it’s been re-told.

Looney was out of pro football by age 26.

After football, Looney converted to Hinduism and joined the Siddha Yoga movement led by Swami Muktananda. It was alleged that Looney was one of Muktananda’s “enforcers” who intimidated people into obeying him.

Joe Don Looney died on September 24, 1988 in Texas when he ran his motorcycle off the road and crashed into a fence. He was 45.

It was later determined that Looney never hit the brakes.

That should have been his epitaph.

Bill Laimbeer, Detroit Pistons (1982-93). The Pistons of the late-1980s, early-1990s were “The Bad Boys” and Laimbeer was to them what Leo Gorcey was to The Bowery Boys. On second thought, maybe Bill was more like their Al Capone. Or Charlie Manson.

It’s quite possible that there was never an NBA player more despised by opponents than Bill Laimbeer.

He flopped to the floor, drawing whistles. He whined and scowled. He fouled dirty. He smirked. He loved it when the opposing crowds would boo and jeer him.

Once, in Chicago, the team mascot drew roaring approval when he pummeled Laimbeer in effigy.

Laimbeer never committed a foul in his life, according to him. Except the ones where he tried to dismember the other guy.

Bill Laimbeer was a big, lunky white guy who could shoot from the outside, which only proved to torment the opposition even more. He couldn’t jump over a puddle, yet he averaged double digits in rebounds year after year.

Oh, and what do Hall of Famers Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Bob Lanier, and Robert Parish all have in common?

Each of them punched Bill Laimbeer in the face during an NBA game.

Don’t bother asking them about regrets.

Ned Harkness, Detroit Red Wings (1970-73). OK, so Ned wasn’t a player, but he might have been the most-hated front office executive in Detroit sports history not named Matt Millen. Russ Thomas of the Lions is up there, too.

Ned was hired to coach the team in 1970, fresh out of college, where he led Cornell to the 1970 NCAA title.

But the players soon revolted, going so far as to submit a petition to GM Sid Abel, stating they wouldn’t play for Ned anymore.

But Ned kept his job, and it was Abel who left, quitting after he wasn’t allowed to fire Harkness.

So Ned was promoted to GM, and then the fun really began.

Ned traded players like bubblegum cards, always getting rooked in the process. He fired coach Johnny Wilson, despite Wilson leading the team to its first winning record in three years. Ned replaced Wilson with minor league coach Ted Garvin, who won two of his first eleven games before getting canned himself.

Ned even bungled that.

He wanted Alex Delvecchio to retire and coach, and Alex agreed. But Ned did it on a game day, and Alex didn’t file retirement papers on time. The NHL wouldn’t allow a still-active player to coach, so Ned begged Garvin to coach that night’s game despite having already fired him. Garvin did, but vamoosed late in the third period, disappearing into the Detroit night. Injured player Tim Ecclestone coached the last few minutes of the game.

That kind of thing is why Ned’s time in Detroit will forever be known as “Darkness with Harkness.”

And it lands him on this list of ignominy.

Shortly after becoming coach, Harkness showed up at the home of defenseman Gary Bergman. Not long after arriving, Ned began rearranging Bergie’s living room furniture to explain his theories and Xs and Os.

“Right then,” Bergman said in recalling the story years later, “I knew we were in trouble.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

The Knee Jerks: HURRY!! Just Two More Weeks To Savor! Hello, Radio!!

This is your second-to-last chance to catch “The Knee Jerks” in this space!!

We’re taking the show to Blog Talk Radio, and in fact we’ve already done so. Episode One is ready for downloading. You can listen to us every Monday night, usually at 11:00 P.M. Eastern time. But more on that in the actual chat below.

In this week’s chat with Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience, we discuss the Robbery in Anaheim; the youngster Rick Porcello and the rest of his Tigers teammates; the Lions getting a new Foote; and the usual suspects–Word Association and Jerk of the Week–make appearances.

So without further ado……

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Eno: Welcome to Thursday, and the next-to-last text version of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al.” I’m Eno, aka Mr. Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Well Al, it’s a happy and sad time. We announce the end of our text chats (next week will be the final one) on Thursdays, but we’re happy and excited to announce why they’re ending. Care to do the honors, sir?

Big Al: We’re ending the text chats because I’m marrying Yoko Ono, and breaking up the band.

Eno: You bastard!

Big Al: Seriously, we made a joint decision to move our meeting of the minds to Blog Talk Radio on a weekly basis. We enjoy doing these chats, but they take a MASSIVE amount of time to do, in actual IM time—editing, formatting for our respective blogs, and for you to read them. Moving the Knee Jerks to Blog Talk Radio frees us up to do more writing, and to further explore podcasting. We both dig the broadcast medium, and would like to see where it goes. Plus, it would feel like we’re rehashing the same stuff if we do both a BTR podcast and a text chat.

Eno: For sure. The link to Monday’s debut show is here. Every episode is archived automatically, so if you can’t join us live, you can download and listen at your leisure. Of course, if you DO join us live, you can call in and talk to us, just like “real” radio. Our next show is scheduled for Monday, May 11 at 11pm ET, and will likely be every Monday unless there’s a Red Wings playoff conflict or something.

Big Al: Exactly. We do realize our first attempt was a little rough around the edges. My desktop decided to not recognize the mic on my headset, which caused me to use Skype via my laptop instead, which led to the “in a tin can sound” from me. And I had no idea my chair made so much f’n noise! It had never been a problem in the past when I’ve done other podcasts and radio bits, but I promise it won’t happen again. Eno, on the other hand, is a polished pro. So at least we have that going for us, which is nice… We expect to improve every broadcast.

Eno: Aww, you’re too kind. Can I take this time to plug GregEno.com?

Big Al: Please do. The floor is yours.

Eno: Well, I’m taking my blogging and my writing services to the next level. http://www.gregeno.com/ is launched, and even though it’s not totally polished yet, I do want to encourage people to mosey on over there and check me out.

Big Al: Consider it announced! At least you can finally ditch your previous URL, which was a mouthful!

Eno: LOL…exactly. Although, my blogs won’t be moving. The dot com will provide links to them, however. So….what’s on your mind, as if I need to ask?

Big Al: Well….since you asked!

Eno: The suspense is killing me!

Big Al: The entirety of SE MI is PISSED today, thanks to the ineptitude of the NHL’s referees. THAT WAS A MARIAN HOSSA GOAL! A ref (Brad Watson) who was out of position INTENDS to blow the whistle, claiming he lost sight of the puck, even though the puck was IN PLAIN SIGHT, lying in the crease, visible to everyone…save for Watson, obviously. Only in a Mickey Mouse league like the NHL would there be a rule saying you can wave off a goal because you INTENDED to blow the damn whistle. Then you have the NHL’s explanation, blaming THE DUCKS’ BLACK UNIFORMS. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I get pissed just thinking about it. I hate hockey.

Eno: Well, as I wrote at OOB, the issue wasn’t whether Watson lost sight of the puck. I can see by the replay how that might have been possible. My beef is with the rapidness with which he went for the whistle. There was no pile of bodies in the crease. In that case, a “quick” whistle is preferred. He either panicked or wanted a quick whistle, regardless. I bet he gets a dressing down from his bosses, if it hasn’t happened already.

Big Al: It’s not enough. And NHL fans in other cities wonder why many Wings followers believe there is an anti-Red Wings bias in the NHL. From being an Eastern time zone team playing in the Western Conference, having a playoff travel schedule from HELL, the league using the Wings to prop up the attendance of teams in areas where hockey is considered a third world sport, while the Wings get NOTHING in return (How about a Winter Classic in Michigan, Bettman?), to the salary cap, which was implemented because the Red Wings spent a ton of money and did so smartly (unlike the Rangers), to crap like last night, it does make me wonder. It really does. Still, there is no defending Watson’s quick whistle. None. Black uniforms my ass!

Eno: It was, indeed, a shame. The goal absolutely should have counted, and of course it’s not a reviewable play. Well, despite that, I think the Red Wings still win this series, don’t you, Mr. Pissed Off Big Shot?

Big Al: I’m beginning to wonder about that as well. The Ducks goalie, Jonas Hiller, is standing on his head, stoning the Wings. The Wings are wildly outshooting the Ducks, yet not scoring. The Ducks seem to be getting all the breaks and bounces. The Wings are getting off to slow starts, condemning them to playing from behind. They desperately miss Brian Rafalski, as Chris Chelios was, at times, looking all of his 47 years. This series is going seven games. The Wings should win, the Wings are the more talented team, but the Ducks aren’t a typical No. 8 seed. You could legitimately say, going into Game Four, that this series is a toss up.

Eno: No, it won’t be easy. At all. But the Red Wings win it. OK, let’s talk about something happier. Youngster Rick Porcello fired seven shutout innings at the Twins Tuesday night. Not a bad bounce back after that Yankees debacle, eh?

Big Al: Porcello needed it to save, for the time being at least, his spot in the rotation. It’s between him and Zach Miner for the fifth spot once Jeremy Bonderman returns. But last night did show the Porcello we hope to see every start: a dominant pitcher. But dominance is too much to expect of a 20-year-old, so I’d temper my expectation for this season. But it was a nice win, showing the Tigers’ tendency to bounce back from tough losses. We also saw the Tigers bring up Jeff Larish and Clete Thomas, move Magglio Ordonez to DH and send Carlos Guillen to the DL. All smart moves, in my opinion.

Eno: Yeah, Guillen was doing no one any good, including himself, by staying in the lineup. Six RBI in 90 AB, and a .200 BA. Yuck. Pretty gruesome. These young pitchers—Porcello, Ryan Perry, and the re-emergence of Justin Verlander as the team’s ace, make me feel a lot better about the team while the big guns get their act together. The Tigers need more consistent OH-fense, as they say in Canada. The team’s production, if you were to graph it, would look like an EKG reading.

Big Al: The Tigers are being carried offensively by Miguel Cabrera, who is mashing the ball again, and hitting over .400. He’s proving to be worth every dime the Tigers are paying him AND Dontrelle Willis. Something else worth mentioning about improving the offense was moving Curtis Granderson down in the order, batting fifth Tuesday night. It makes more sense to bat him third, but the Tigers have to make better use of his burgeoning home run power. Granderson is a 100+ RBI man waiting to happen.

Eno: Granderson is funny, in a way. On the one hand, he seems to be the quintessential leadoff guy, but in other ways he’s that No. 3 guy, like you said. It’s almost like his prowess makes it tough to slot him correctly. But I say leave him at leadoff. When he’s not there, last night notwithstanding, the Tigers’ offense seems to be out of sync.

Big Al: The Tigers could try Josh Anderson at leadoff, who is more of your prototypical leadoff man. But his offensive liabilities are likely to be exposed the more he plays. Anderson is being used correctly, as the fourth outfielder. Which means Granderson is still your best option at leadoff. But the offense is going to be inconsistent, as the Tigers went for defense over offense this past off-season. Adam Everett is a non-entity at the plate (his weekend grand slam notwithstanding), Brandon Inge is playing over his head offensively; he won’t continue to lead the team in power stats. Same for Gerald Laird, who has really begun to tail off at the plate. You may be calling the Tigers “out of sync” all season.

Eno: True that. OK, big news out of Allen Park: the Lions found their middle linebacker! Mr. Larry Foote, freshly cut by the Steelers. Thoughts?

Big Al: It should soothe the savage fans who were ticked the Lions didn’t draft an inside linebacker in the draft, for one thing. The Lions had to have seen the Foote release coming, otherwise not drafting a MLB still makes little sense. Or maybe they got lucky! Either way, this bodes well for the Lions, who now have a starting linebacker corps that is actually of NFL quality. Foote is not a cure all, he’s not an all-world player. But he was a good player in Pittsburgh, and one with something to prove—that he’s a three down player. Foote’s gambling on a one year deal, meaning he’s banking on a good season, allowing him to go to the bank with a big-time free agent deal next year. A hungry football player is something the Lions have long lacked…at every position.

Eno: Absolutely. I like to think the Lions had this planned out. This also gives draft choice DeAndre Levy time to learn, behind Foote. Like you pointed out at TWFE, there’s really no depth, beyond Levy. So here’s to everyone’s good health! I still don’t see a true pass rusher on the team, do you?

Big Al: Well, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the Lions can’t build a new defense in one off-season. The only player on the Lions’ starting D who has a history of rushing the passer is OLB Julian Peterson. But it’s unrealistic to expect him to carry the pass rush load. At this point, I’ll be happy with the Lions no longer having one of the worst defenses in NFL history. They can worry about getting a pass rush specialist next year, as they aren’t going to find one now.

Eno: Well said. What do you make of the QB situation? Daunte Culpepper and a couple of peach fuzzies. I think the Lions should go after a veteran backup. We’ve discussed this before. Do you think the three QBs they have now are the ones that they’ll still have in August? Actually, let’s boil it down: does Drew Stanton stay or go?

Big Al: He’s gone, as soon as a relatively respectable veteran backup QB is available. The Lions are more likely to find one later in this summer, when training camp draws near. There are bound to be more players cut due to salary, and a few may play under center. It seems the only person in Detroit who liked Stanton as a QB was Matt Millen. Not exactly a sterling endorsement. The selection of Matt Stafford has made Stanton even more irrelevant in Detroit, if it’s even possible.

Eno: Well, being a Millen disciple didn’t hurt Martin Mayhew, did it? (rim shot!) OK, how about some WordAss?

Big Al: Sure thing! Feel free to start…

WORD ASSOCIATION

Eno: Let’s start with the Kevin Garnett-less Boston Celtics. Are they in trouble?

Big Al: I hope so, if only to remove the ghastly sight of Brian Scalabrine in a headband from our TV screens. I would not be surprised in the slightest if the Celtics go down to the Magic.

Eno: BTW, those who missed our radio broadcast missed a wonderful diatribe by Al against Scalabrine’s headband. Man, he looks brutal—Scalabrine, that is! OK, on to the next one: the scuffling-along Magglio Ordonez.

Big Al: He’ll pick it up, and have a respectable season, but he’s 35 and no longer the player who had 35 home run power in Chicago, and won a battling title with Detroit. Ordonez was made to play DH. Leyland should do what it takes to keep him there.

Eno: Two more: Marian Hossa.

Big Al: Has to make an impact for the Wings to advance! He did last night, till the Anaheim Screwjob happened…

Eno: And finally, I ask you if Nick Lidstrom wins another Norris Trophy, and if Pavel Datsyuk wins the Hart Trophy, and you say…..

Big Al: No. There’s an anti-Red Wing bias, remember?

Eno: Right! OK, fire away, Mr. Big Shot!

Big Al: The former Piston is who is now the new Mayor of Detroit, Dave Bing.

Eno: Ha! Just wrote about him at “Enotes”…umm, good for him. The city needs a visionary and a guy with some urgency. Kenny Cockrel would have been OK, too—but Bingo is better. But I bet he finds Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar easier to deal with than the city council!!

Big Al: Good luck on that; the Detroit city council is full of Matt Millen types. Clowns. Next, Rasheed Wallace reportedly wants $8 million a season to return to the NBA next year. You say…

Eno: Things not fit for print. Either that, or I simply laugh like a hyena.

Big Al: One more, sir. If I say Carlos Guillen is done as an everyday player, you say…

Eno: I hope not. I know that’s a wishy-washy answer, but then again, he’s played thru injuries before, so I’m going to say no—but not much longer than 2010.

Big Al: As we’ve covered the gamut on Monday and today, we should wrap things up. You ready to name your second Jerk of the Week?

JERK OF THE WEEK

Eno: YES!! It’s Mr. Brett Favre, who now reportedly wants to play for Minnesota, to stick it to the Packers. Suddenly, Favre is the guy you wish would go away; a bad end to his illustrious career, if you ask me.

Big Al: Good call, Eno! Even the Favre-loving media is fed up with his antics. There’s no question who my JotW is. It’s NHL referee Brad Watson, for giving Red Wings fans nightmares. I doubt we’ll see him work another Wings playoff game anytime soon. A pox on the NHL’s house!

Eno: Ah, the Don Denkinger of NHL refs! OK, my friend. Thanks again, and I’ll see you next Monday on Blog Talk Radio. That’s Monday, May 11 at 11pm ET!! Be there or be square!

Big Al: And next Thursday as well, for our final text chat. As my hero, the head of Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett says, aloha!

Eno: Ciao, Italy!

Kicking It Up A Notch: “The Knee Jerks” Invade Blog Talk Radio!

Good news (I hope!) for all you “Knee Jerks” fans out there!

Big Al of The Wayne Fontes Experience and I, who have a meeting of the (ahem) minds every Thursday in this space, are going to take the chat to Blog Talk Radio, probably eventually phasing out the text version.

To get a sneek preview of what this might sound like, click on our link at BTR.

Our first BTR broadcast will be Monday, May 4, at 11:30pm ET.

Info on how to dial in (if you’d like to participate as a listener/caller) can be found at our BTR link.

More details on how frequently we plan on doing the BTR version of “The Knee Jerks” will be forthcoming. But you can bookmark the BTR link, which will let you know when upcoming broadcasts will occur.

Remember, with BTR, you can listen even if you can’t make it when we’re live. There’s downstream capability, and every broadcast is automatically archived.

Here’s hoping you’ll join us on BTR!

The Knee Jerks: The “Sorry we’re late” Edition

Oh ye of little faith! Did you REALLY think we’d deny you your weekly serving of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al”?

Due to Al’s bad Internet connection and my real life, we weren’t able to chat until THIS MORNING. But here we are, and I’ll dispense with the lengthy intro. Suffice it to say that every Thursday I talk sports with Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

That’s it. We talk sports. That’s all you need to know. The topics will become evident as you read — I promise.

Now let’s get ON with it!!

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Eno: My, how time flies! Is it REALLY Thursday, already? Time for another webisode of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al.” I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Al, before we begin, why don’t you make another plug for your podcasty idea for TKJ…..

Big Al: We’re thinking about extending The Knee Jerk “brand”, if we can call it that, to audio. We’d like to move into the broadcast realm, via a podcast. We’re thinking of going to Blog Talk Radio. For one reason, its ease of use, and two, its ease of use, and three, it’s easier to get up and running than finding the time to edit a podcast. As for BTR, You just go to the page, and click “play” to hear our live broadcast, and it’s archived for download. If you’ve ever heard me do a podcast or a radio bit, you know I like to talk…and talk and talk. Eno? well, he’ll just have to keep up. Anyway, we’d love to get your feedback. We’ll keep you all in the loop. Anything you’d like to add before we move on to the news of the day?

Eno: No, that all sounds fun and exciting, except what do I do when I have to walk the dog?

Big Al: Depending on the news, we can keep the podcast short, say half and hour. Otherwise, I’ll talk and talk and talk while you do the deed. Plus, on Blog Talk Radio, we can take callers. So there’s a few options there. The podcast could be an option, but we’ll have to learn the technical end of it. Either way, I think our readership would enjoy it. They’re a smart bunch…

Eno: Smarter than the average listener! Probably smarter than us, too. Anyhow, I can’t wait to see the feedback. It’d be fun to take our Jerkosity to the next level. OK, let’s kick things off with some post-NFL Draft talk. I whined on OOB on Wednesday that it’s too early to “grade” the draft. But now I’ll do an about face and ask you, “How ’bout that draft, Al?”

Big Al: Some people may be surprised, but I really liked the Lions’ draft. They picked the top player at four different positions: QB, TE, S, and KR. No other team can say so. I can’t say this enough: when you’re 0-16, and have lost 22 of 23 games over two seasons, talent trumps need. And every position is a position of need. So all of those fans and “experts” (the experts being mostly hack columnists) who are upset over not addressing every defensive need, did they really expect the Lions to solve ALL of their problems in one draft? It’s an impossible task. So taking the best available player, regardless of position, was the right thing to do!

Eno: Well, if the Lions can somehow snatch Steeler-for-now LB Larry Foote, then their corps won’t be too bad: Foote, Ernie Sims, and Julian Peterson—with Deandre Levy around to learn. Obviously, there was something about Rey Maualuga and James Laurinaitis that scared them off. I like a safety in Round Two. I hope Matthew Stafford’s baseball cap doesn’t come off once this season—for that will either mean “panic in Detroit” (right, David Bowie?) or an injury to Daunte Culpepper. I think I’d feel better if Stafford was No. 3 and they grabbed a veteran backup. Sorry, Mr. Stanton!

Big Al: You have to think the Lions’ brain trust saw the Foote move coming, though he hasn’t yet been cut. (That should happen early next week) But signing the former Wolverine would go a long way toward filling what I like to call the gaping maw at MLB. No way in Hell could the Lions go another year with Paris Lenon, a special teams player masquerading as a starting MLB. As for QB, I think Stanton is living on borrowed time as well. As I put it on TWFE, he’s the QB no one wanted…other than Matt Millen. I don’t know who the veteran QB will be at this point, as we’re going to see more situations like Foote’s in Pittsburgh throughout the NFL. There will be serviceable backups on the market soon. The Lions will wait it out till it gets closer to camp, and see what veteran QBs are looking for work. Someone better than Stanton is bound to be available, and available at a cheap rate.

Eno: You NEED a veteran around. It’s too important of a position, and too fraught with injuries, to hand the reins to a rookie. Having an experienced vet can save your season. The Lions aren’t likely to be playoff contenders in 2009, but you never know. Remember what Dave Krieg did for the Lions in 1994? OK, so one more query about the draft and then we’ll move on: were you surprised by Mark Sanchez-to-the-Jets?

Big Al: What? Didn’t Drew Henson qualify as a veteran backup? Indeed, Krieg was the best QB on the Lions’ roster in ‘94, as Scott Mitchell, Wayne Fontes’ savior at QB, didn’t play all that well, and then went down with an injury. Krieg saved the season, and quite likely, Fontes’ job. We’ve seen it time and again in Detroit. Remember 1979, when the Lions lost both starter Gary Danielson and his veteran backup, Joe Reed, before the season even started? That led to the short lived, and much reviled, Jeff Komlo Era. I’m NOT saying Stafford = Komlo. I AM saying rookie QBs, no matter how talented, are rarely ready to step in as the starter in their first season. As for the Jets, their “man crush” on Sanchez was something to behold. They essentially gave up five players in return for the USC rookie who has started only 16 games in college. Then again, there were some “experts” who liked Sanchez more than Stafford, so it’s not surprising he went so high. But to give up so much? Sanchez best be the next coming of Joe Willie Namath for the Jets. Speaking of drunk QBs (OK, bad segue, but I had to get the Namath – Kolber thing in) do you see Stafford starting at all this season? The cries will be heard for him if the Lions, as they are bound to do, get off to a bad start.

Eno: I PRAY he doesn’t play one down, unless it’s in a “kneel down” situation. Let him sit the year out, learn, and compete for the starting job in 2010. I would MUCH rather have a veteran on the sidelines, ready to step in. OK, your turn to pick a topic. I should mention to our readers that this is as close to doing TKJ “live” as we’ve ever done. It’s pushing 11am and we’ll have this posted this afternoon!

Big Al: Damn straight. Thanks to lousy internet connections (now fixed) and life in general (it happens), we’ve been trying to get this done since noon Wednesday. That’s dedication, folks! I know we touched on this some last week, but it’s worth quickly bringing up. Pistons grand Pooh Bah Joe Dumars spoke to the media Wednesday, and confirmed (to most fans’ regret) that head coach Michael Curry would return next year. Dumars pretty much confirmed what we’ve been saying: he put Curry in a very bad spot with the failed (on the court, anyway) Allen Iverson trade. I think Curry was God awful this season, Iverson be damned (I HATED small ball) and didn’t deserve to return. What’s your final take on the Curry situation?

Eno: My take is that it’s too bad…all the way around: too bad for Curry to be in that situation; too bad for the players who had the carpet yanked out from beneath them after the Iverson trade; too bad for the fans, who want to see a new coach next season. I think Curry keeps his job so Dumars can save face, frankly. This might be one of the most interesting off-seasons in recent Pistons history, no?

Big Al: Yes? (I’m never sure how to answer “no?”) Joe Dumars’ reputation is on the line with the next couple of off-seasons. I really think there are only a few safe bets to return: Rodney Stuckey, Will Bynum and…and…well, that’s about it. Everyone else is either already out the door (‘Sheed, McDyess, Iverson, Herrmann) or trade bait (Prince and Hamilton, Afflalo, Brown, Maxiell) The Pistons literally rolled over and quit against the superior Cavs, and only Antonio McDyess played like he actually gave a sh*t. I’m ready to blow it up. Blow it up good… But which free agents want to come to Detroit? I think a trade for a big name or two is more likely, as some Pistons do have value (Even if some of them rolled over and played dead in the playoffs. I’m looking at YOU, Prince!).

Eno: Well, the Pistons aren’t the “slam dunk” that everyone thinks they are in terms of attracting free agents. Dumars must make his team look attractive to potential FAs. You can’t just throw the Pistons name out there and expect everyone to flock, like before.

Big Al: Not that they ever did. The free agents Dumars’ made hay with in the past were either role players who blossomed with the Pistons (Ben Wallace and Chauncey Billups), or injury risks (McDyess). He’s never been able to attract a true “star”. But he did make some very good trades, stealing Hamilton and ‘Sheed for peanuts. I actually have more faith in Joe D finding a roster fix via trade, than in the draft or free agency. There’s going to be several teams looking to dump salary in order to avoid the NBA luxury tax. Someone like Amare Stoudamire could be available, and the Pistons are one of the few teams with the cap room to take him. Whatever tack he takes, Dumars has his work cut out for him.

Eno: Indeed he does. This is his second reclamation project with the team. He did pretty well in the post-Grant Hill Era. Let’s see what he does this time. OK, change of topics. The Tigers just got spanked twice out of three games to the Yankees. Big innings killed them. Was the bullpen, and Rick Porcello, simply due, or is there cause for concern? The AL Central, as expected, is a logjam and no one is off to a blazing start.

Big Al: I’m not all that worried about the relief pitching, unless Nate Robertson or Brandon Lyon answer Jim Leyland’s call in the bullpen. They have been lit up, especially Robertson. It’s been a hard fall for him, as he was a solid end of the rotation guy till last season, when he just plain lost “it”, whatever “it” may be. He’s the highest paid mop-up man in baseball history. I don’t trust him in ANY high leverage situation. I’m getting the same feeling with Lyon, who was supposed to be the closer, and who is now pitching himself out of a set-up role. But Joel Zumaya is back, and is pitching well late in games, Fernando Rodney is holding his own as the closer, and Ryan Perry is just wild enough to scare hitters from digging in on him. I’m willing to live with his growing pains, considering his 100 MPH fastball. The pen will be fine. As for the rotation, it’s been very good. Edwin Jackson has been a revelation, Armando Galarraga is the real deal, Justin Verlander threw like his old self on Monday, dominating the Yankees. Jeremy Bonderman is close to returning. So I’m not all that worried about the pitching, save for the usual suspects. What’s your take, Eno?

Eno: I’m pleased with the starters, I really am. Nick Swisher of the Yanks was duly impressed with Verlander and others on the staff. As for Zumaya, he and Leyland agree that it’s time to start “pitching” now, instead of chucking it up there. Leyland says 98, 99 MPH doesn’t cut it anymore; you have to have movement, and a breaking ball—which Zoom Zoom needs to get under his command. I’ll take 11-10 and first place. I don’t see anyone in the Central winning much more than 90 games, frankly. But you’d better win it; the Wild Card will be coming from elsewhere.

Big Al: Before the season started, I said the Tigers would hover around .500 all year, which would be enough to contend in the Central. Nothing I’ve seen so far has changed my opinion, and their 11-10 record bears it out. Hey, first place is first place, right? But there are some worries. The left side of the infield has been less than stellar defensively. Sure, Brandon Inge is getting to far more ground balls, but thanks to that athleticism, he seems to think he can make insane throws, when holding on to the ball would be the prudent move. Adam Everett has been outplayed, both in the field and at the plate, by Ramon Santiago. Why was Everett signed again?

Eno: I love Santiago, but we’ll apparently never know what he can do with 500 at-bats.

Big Al: The top of the order has yet to really start hitting as well. The Tigers can’t depend on Inge to lead the team in power stats. The top five in the order needs to get going. And I have to mention catcher Gerald Laird. He was stolen from the Rangers; he’s a big upgrade from Pudge Rodriguez.

Eno: OK, it’s time for some WordArse!! Ready?

WORD ASSOCIATION

Big Al: Sure, let’s play some Word Association. I’m ready, willing and somewhat able. Fire away, my journalist friend…

Eno: OK, I say “Red Wings-Ducks” and you say….

Big Al: Wings in six. I hate the Mighty Ducks, I hate insanely late west coast starts and I HATE Chris Pronger. Did I say I HATE Pronger? Cuz I HATE Pronger! HATE!!!

Eno: I think I get the idea. OK, next: Pavel Datsyuk, Hart/Selke/Lady Byng finalist.

Big Al: HATE!!!

Eno: Am I gonna have to get you some limburger cheese, Curly?

Big Al: MOE! LARRY! CHEESE! It’s either that or playing “Pop Goes the Weasel!” Even if Pavel’s the best two-way player in the NHL, Dats will win the Selke and Bing as consolation for losing the Hart.

Big Al: HATE!!! PRONGER!!!

Eno: Ah, OK. Two more: Brett Favre, who says (get this) that he wants to “retire as a Packer”

Big Al: Don’t go away mad, but just go away, Favre. I read Favre asked for his release from the Jets. He can’t actually be thinking of playing another season, can he? It would be fitting that he leaves the NFL the same season John Madden, who LIVED for Favre, left as well. Good riddance to both of ‘em. They are both shadows of themselves…

I!!!
HATE!!!
PRONGER!!!

Eno: I love it! OK, last one: Chris Pronger.

Big Al: Cute. Real cute… I HATE THAT TALL GOON!!! Ready, Eno-sabi?

Eno: I’m open!

Big Al: I know, hit you! Let’s start with a player you might be familiar with, a point guard who chewed up and spit out the Hornets, Chauncey Billups!

Eno: Oh, what might have been in Detroit this season! Good for him. He taught that young whippersnapper Chris Paul a thing or two about point guarding in the playoffs!

Big Al: Yes, he’s quite good at the basketballing. Next, one of the most pleasant surprises of the Tigers’ season, catcher Gerald Laird.

Eno: I liked Laird with Texas, and I was “pleased as punch”, as they say, when the Tigers acquired him. I don’t expect him to keep this up offensively, but I liked him for his defense anyway.

Big Al: I say Matthew Stafford is making more money than Tom Brady, and you say…

Eno: That’s the way of the world. And it should change, but how? Any crabbing about that appears to be doing you-know-what into the wind.

Big Al: Spitting? I would have used another word, but I know you run a family friendly blog, unlike the profane one I run! One more for you…who wins that most entertaining first round NBA series, the Celtics or the Bulls?

Eno: Oh, the Celts, but what a tough time they’re having with those pesky Bulls. And Ben Gordon isn’t 100% healthy. Remember, the Celts had fits with the Hawks last spring in Round One.

Big Al: And they are missing Kevin Garnett. Not that it makes a difference who wins, as no one is beating LeBron James, who is apparently on a mission to finally win the city of Cleveland a title. Before we wrap things up, is there anything else on the buttoned down mind of Eno?

Eno: No, I think we’d better move right into Jerk of the Week. And guess what? Tag, you’re it!! By the way, nice old Bob Newhart reference with the “buttoned down mind” thing!!

JERK OF THE WEEK

Big Al: I figured you’d get it, but anyone younger than 40, not so much. I suggest they dig up some old Newhart standup, and be prepared to be entertained. But I digress… My jerk of the Week is…WDIV, channel 4 in Detroit, who has hired…NO, I can’t bring myself to write this…suck it up, dude! Crap. I’ll just blurt it out. WDIV hired the worst columnist in America, my mortal enemy, disgraced former Detroit News columnist Rob Parker, to write commentary for their website. Just when you think he’s gone… The Detroit sports community just got that much dumber with the functionally retarded one’s return. *facepalm* OK, your turn!

Eno: Hard to follow THAT JOTW, but I’ll give it a try. Mine is Peter Gammons, who tried to give traction to a ridiculous “Tigers might trade Cabrera” rumor!!

Big Al: Oh, good Lord, that was ridiculous. I was so glad [Tigers GM] Dave Dombrowski stopped that silly rumor in its tracks. Well, it took us 24 hours, but we did it! We’ve reached the end of another Knee Jerks!

Eno: FINALLY! Now, just have to edit the darn thing and get it on the Net before our readers show up to our blogs with pitchforks and torches!

Big Al: No, they would never do that. They like us. I think. Till next week, same jerk time, same jerk channel, same jerk attitude, same Jerk…Well, you get my drift…

Eno: You bet. I’ll be Jack Lord this week: “Be there. Aloha.”

Big Al: HATE!!! PRONGER!!!!

Eno: Um, yeah. I got that.

Weekly Jerkosity: A Fiercer Lion; A Scary Lyon; Meek Pistons; Smarmy NHL Commishes, And More!

Brace yourselves! It’s Thursday, time for your weekly dose of “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al.”

Every Thursday I get my sports chat on with the MVP of the MVN, Big Al from The Wayne Fontes Experience.

This week, we weigh in on the Lions’ new logo; play our hunches on the No. 1 draft pick; crab about the Pistons’ lack of heart and laud the Red Wings’ ability to stomp on the Jackets’ tickers; cheer and jeer the Tigers; and the usuals show up: Word Association and Jerk of the Week.

As you will……

Eno: It’s another Thursday, another week to suffer us Knee Jerks! It’s “The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno & Al.” I’m Eno, aka The Journalist, and he’s Big Al, aka Mr. Big Shot. Happy Thursday, your Al-ness!

Big Al: Yo, Eno! Hey, that rhymes! I’m a poet and didn’t know it! Hey, that rhymes too! But this isn’t a poetry slam, it’s a chat about Detroit sports. Anyway, it’s a sorta happy Thursday. Detroit had two playoff games Tuesday night, but only one team came through with flying colors, the Red Wings. The Pistons, on the other hand… Let’s just say the starting five is playing like they have tee times the day after Game 4.

Eno: Ha! Exactly what I wrote about the Pistons at OOB on Wednesday. But before we get to the playoffs, let’s start with something REALLY important, like the Lions’ new logo and unis!! Your thoughts?

Big Al: I like them. I really do. As I said on TWFE, they are an evolution, rather than a revolution. There’s something to be said for keeping the Honolulu blue and silver, despite what some media hacks may say. *cough*doofs on 97.1*cough* In the end, as nice as the new logo looks (especially the updated typeface, as I HATED their former circus-like font), in the end it’s just a money grab; an attempt to boost merchandising sales. All teams do it, so why not the Lions? I was more perturbed by the fan base uprising at the uniform introduction. [Aaron] Curry, [Matthew] Stafford, either one would look good in the new uni.

Eno: Yeah, I was there, and the first time the “Curry! Curry!” chants came, it was kind of funny and cute. But then it kept going, and there even was a “DON’T DRAFT STAFFORD!” chant. I guess I was also taken aback by the degree of pro-Curry, anti-Stafford sentiment out there among the fan base. And the folks showing up at a uniform unveiling are, to me, pretty representative. Because that’s going above and beyond, to traipse out there on a Monday afternoon.

Big Al: I’ll give them credit for showing up. The Lions, despite a near decade of trying to kill off interest, still have a dedicated fan base. That being said, the chanting for Curry was out of line. There’s a time and place; this wasn’t it. And speaking of Curry. many fans want the Lions to draft the MLB out of Wake Forest, but it’s for ALL THE WRONG REASONS! They are scared of another skill player failure. But any Number One overall pick is a crapshoot! There is NO guarantee Curry will be worth the huge contract the top pick gets. I’m leery of playing $30 million-plus for a two-down defensive player who is not a pass rushing threat. The money would be better spent on a QB, Stafford, or an OT, Jason Smith. From all accounts, the Lions feel the same way, and are using Curry as leverage toward a more reasonable contract.

Eno: I totally agree. I think the chants happened because the unveiling was held the week of the draft. Anyhow, the new Lions logo is indeed fiercer and I like it. Not as crazy about the “Lions” font, which is a little too feminine for me, but whatever. As for Curry/Stafford, you’re right that picking Curry would be like “trying not to lose.” As you know, I was anti-Stafford for the same reason: the Lions’ history of drafting QBs is rather inglorious. But I’ve been converted. Bring on Stafford! What the hell? Sadly, if there wasn’t a $30 million bonus involved, I might still stick with Curry. But it’s hard to justify that kind of jack for, like you said, a two-down guy.

Big Al: That’s the thing, when given a choice between someone who handles the ball every snap, and another who will likely leave the field on passing downs, who’s giving you more for the money? The last thing the Lions should do is draft scared. As you say, going with Curry is drafting “not to lose.” He’ll be good, but will he be GREAT? The jury is out, and will be for a long time. But if you are going to roll the dice, and the draft is nothing but a big gamble at every selection, I’m going for a home run with the first roll. The Lions still have two more picks in the first 33 choices to get a MLB. Would either Rey Malaluga or James Laurenaitis be that big of a drop in talent over Curry? I seriously doubt it.

Eno: I think Stafford’s their guy, I really do. I think we may even find that out by Friday; it might be leaked. Speaking of QBs, I know you had a burr up your rear end about Daunte Culpepper, but I looked at some video of the mini-camp, and the guy really does look good. He’s excited and re-invigorated. His teammates notice, too. I know it’s just mini-camp, but at least DC’s coming into the new season with the right attitude and he appears to be ready to be a leader.

Big Al: We can only hope. But it’s awfully easy for Culpepper to look good when no one is wearing pads, and there’s no pass rush. Meaning there’s no pressure. Sure he lost weight, but it was because the Lions inserted a weight clause in his deal. You’re asking to suspend my belief in thinking a QB who hasn’t had a good season in five years will suddenly recapture his youth. [New offensive coordinator] Scott Linehan may help, but only if he can lay hands upon Culpepper and miraculously make him 25 years old again. Attitude is great, but I like talent even more. That’s where Culpepper is now lacking.

Eno: We’ll see! OK, what’s on your Big Al kind of brain today?

Big Al: I read your Twitter tweet (I’m Big_Al_TWFE and Eno is thegregger63. FOLLOW US!) stating you haven’t watched a single minute of the Pistons-Cavs series. I was surprised, but then again, maybe not so much. We all knew going into this series the Pistons had two chances in this series, slim and none. After sleepwalking through two games, they now have one chance: none. The Pistons’ starting five was awful Tuesday night. I never want to say anything about a team’s or player’s heart, but in this case, I might be willing to make an exception. It’s always sad to watch a once great team decline, but this is embarrassing. The Pistons, as we once knew them, are long gone. I’m ready for the off-season to begin. Apparently, so are the Pistons.

Eno: Yeah, I said as much at OOB. No pride. No self-respect. I expected a little piss and vinegar, but nothing. This can’t possibly help Michael Curry’s status as an NBA coach. He may never get another crack at it after this. Do they STILL bring him back? This is awful, unless they turn things around in Deeeetroit in Games 3 and 4.

Big Al: If this team is Joe Dumars’s vision, I think he needs glasses. Dumars made his bed with Curry, now he has to sleep in it. There’s a lack of chemistry on the roster, and with the coaches. Obviously, the roster is going to change, big time. That’s the only thing saving Curry—the hope that he can click with a new core. Plus, the Pistons are still paying Larry Brown and Flip Saunders. I doubt Pistons’ ownership wants a third ex-coach on the payroll.

Eno: Wow. What a web Dumars has weaved, eh? How does he get himself out of it? The national scribes are beginning to look at Joe D cross-eyed, as if he’s now one of the worst NBA execs, instead of one of the best. Is he making this up as he goes along, or is there a grand plan in there somewhere?

Big Al: I hope Joe D has a plan. What that is, other than signing a couple of high-priced free agents with all the cap room, I don’t know. He best strike gold in free agency, be it with a big name or how he did by finding players ready to break out (as he did with Ben Wallace and Chauncey Billups), or his team will sink DEEP into the lottery next season. I’m souring just a little on Dumars myself. He signed Amir Johnson to an extension, and he can’t stay in the rotation. Jason Maxiell, another from whom Dumars expected big improvement, has hit his plateau. Rodney Stuckey, after setting the NBA on fire after Billups left, has regressed. He is looking more and more like a shooting guard, not a point guard. And of course, the Allen Iverson deal destroyed what chemistry the Pistons may have had left. What I’m saying is Dumars has been in a slump, and he needs to step up his game after the season.

Eno: Another interesting thing, before we move on: the death of Bill Davidson and its impact. Apparently his widow will run things, but with Mr. D gone, how does that impact Dumars’s job security, if at all?

Big Al: I think he’s safe for the time being. I really doubt the Davidson family wants to shake up anything at the Palace, in basketball operations or on the business side. They have a well oiled machine, run by men (Dumars and Tom Wilson) who have, for the most part, sterling track records. But time, as always, will tell.

Eno: OK, some Tigers talk! Tough loss in L.A. Tuesday night (ed. note: but a big WIN Wednesday night), but Curtis Granderson got off the schneide and hit two homers. They’re 7-6 as we do this chat. For the most part, the bullpen has been good. What bothers you, and what makes you happy about the Bengals, 2009?

Big Al: What bothers me is Jim Leyland’s use of Brandon Lyon. He’s Todd Jones redux. A one inning pitcher. Yet whenever Leyland has let Lyon go more than one inning, Tuesday night being the latest instance, bad things happen, man. Bad things. What’s making me happy are a couple of things. Overall, the pitching staff, from the starters on down to the mop up men, looks much improved. All the Tigers need is league average pitching, and they’ll contend in the Central deep into September. Also, Miguel Cabrera is the next coming, period. I’m thrilled Dave Dombrowski came out this week to nip in the bud (Channeling Barney Fife: NIP IT!) the asinine “Tigers will trade Cabrera” rumors. You NEVER trade a young talent like him. NEVER. It’ll take a complete and utter economic collapse of unheard of impact for the Tigers to even consider a trade. Mike Ilitch has more money than, well, God. The Tigers will be fine, and keep Miggy. What makes you sad and happy, huh? Talk! Tell me! NOW!

Eno: Where the HELL did that rumor come from, anyway? Sheesh! I’m surprised DD even acknowledged it with a reply. Whatever. As for me, I’m with you on Lyon (Jones redux). Seems to me that managers are yanking their starters too early, consistently. I guess I come from the school of, “Let the starter get into some trouble before you pull him between innings.” Are they SO wrapped up in pitch counts that they manage for that instead of the game situation? Texas’s Ron Washington lifted Kevin Millwood against the Tigers when he was humming along. Why do your opponents a favor like that? When a guy is going good like that, your opponents will take their chances with ANYONE. In no other sport does this happen. It’d be like a hockey coach changing goalies in the third period while the guy is standing on his head. Why take your opponents off the hook??

Big Al: Hey, you didn’t tell me what makes you happy! You holding out on me?

Eno: Ah….OK. Brandon Inge not striking out once every three at-bats. Ramon Santiago driving in runs. Cabrera, of course. Armando Galarraga. Rick Porcello. Fernando Rodney. Not a bad list, eh?

Big Al: Considering how many of those on the list were question marks going into the season, not bad at all. Though I continue to wonder what the Tigers have against Santiago. He’s outplaying Adam Everett, who’s been underwhelming in the field and THE SUCKAGE at the plate. Everett couldn’t even get a bunt down against the Angels on Tuesday, helping to nip in the bud (NIP IT! NIP IT!) a possible ninth inning rally. Which does lead me to another concern—that Leyland will go overboard on the “small ball”. It’s overrated, though some fans eat it up like so much candy. I HATE giving away outs, I HATE sacrifice bunts and I HATE going for only one run!

Eno: Conventional wisdom says get the runner into scoring position, but Josh Anderson also screwed things up by getting picked off. And he’s the fastest guy on the team. But I see what you’re saying. Keep the outs and see if you can get a bigger inning going. How about some WordAss?

Big Al: Fire away, dude!

WORD ASSOCIATION

Eno: The Red Wings in the playoffs, first round version.

Big Al: Curb stomping. That’s what they’ve done to the Blue Jackets, crushed their hopes, dreams and souls. It’s been a slaughter. A laugher. Sheer domination. I’m running out of words….

Eno: Then we’ll move on! Goalie Chris Osgood.

Big Al: He was right, everyone else was wrong! Ozzie can flip the proverbial switch! He’s been a brick wall against the BJs; the Red Wings’ MVP in the three wins.

Eno: Two more. First, John Madden, newly-retired broadcaster.

Big Al: Great broadcaster…till he got bored about 10 years ago, more or less. He’s been going through the motions for quite some time. He set the bar, then lowered it as he aged. Great career as both a football coach and color man, but his time has passed.

Eno: Finally, I say the Red Wings will either play Vancouver or Anaheim in Round Two and you hope for……

Big Al: I’ll say…The Canucks. The Ducks, for whatever reason, always scare me! Mallard, Daffy, Donald, Mighty, Howard the, Anaheim…

Big Al: OK, ready for a few?

Eno: Hit me, I’m open!

Big Al: Let’s start with the man the Pistons cannot stop, LeBron James.

Eno: The King, and he’s making the Pistons look silly. A man among the boys. But this series shouldn’t judge him, for the Pistons are no competition.

Big Al: No kidding. It’s laughable how easy the Pistons are making it for him. Next, this is just being reported as we are chatting Wednesday afternoon, Lions are close to a deal with Stafford. First thing that comes to your mind is?

Eno: My suspicions confirmed. Good choice. I hope the kid does well. He wants to be here. Rock on.

Big Al: Hey, he did say he’d trade in his Chevy for a Ford! I think that closed the deal! Back to the Wings-BJs. [Columbus coach] Ken Hitchcock pulled a Michele Therion, claiming the Red Wings “cheat” on face-offs. You say?

Eno: Hitchcock is Scotty Bowman Lite! Whatever. And some Columbus writer wrote that Osgood looked “shaky” in Games 1 and 2. Again, whatever.

Big Al: Well said. The BJs are grasping at straws. Desperation city. One more, in honor of the draft this weekend. The king of the draft-niks, Mel Kiper.

Eno: Mel Kiper?? You mean the dude who comes out every year, like a groundhog? He means nothing to me. He’s been as wrong as all the others in the past—maybe wronger.

Big Al: Agreed; Kiper is better at self-promotion than predicting the draft. But he does have an amazing head of hair! Anything else on your mind before we talk about our Jerks of the Week?

Eno: Well, just that with MLB recently honoring Jackie Robinson by having every player wear No. 42 on the same day, there are the usual calls for other numbers to be retired. I read at Bleacher Report where someone wants MLB to retire Roberto Clemente’s No. 21, universally. I was afraid this would happen once the can of worms was opened. I agree with the Robinson retirement, but are there indeed other numbers that should be retired? Seems you can now make compelling cases for several players, now that we’ve done Jackie. Thoughts?

Big Al: Clemente died selflessly, as he was on a mission to help earthquake victims in Nicaragua. He deserves all the accolades he received posthumously. But to do the same thing MLB does for Robinson devalues it. Why not do the same for Hank Aaron, the true home run king, who battled racism in his struggle to top Babe Ruth? Why not honor Willie Horton, who was a peacekeeper in the Detroit riots? Why not Ted Williams, who served heroically in not one, but TWO wars? Isn’t being honored by your own team enough? It should be.

Eno: That’s what I mean. The can of worms has been opened. When does it end? You can make compelling cases for all those guys you mentioned. I think individual teams retiring numbers is a hell of an honor. The bottom line is, only one man could do what Robinson did (break a color barrier). Sometimes, though, I wish MLB had honored him differently, so we wouldn’t have to contend with all these numbers that everyone wants retired.

Big Al: Let alone it gets confusing as all Hell when there are 50+ players running around a stadium, all wearing 42! The fact Robinson’s number was retired throughout MLB is honor enough. As for retiring numbers, it’s great, it should be the end all honor for an athlete, but it can be run into the ground if over done. See Pistons, Detroit.

Eno: Yeah! Vinnie Johnson? Hmmmm…..not so sure about that one! OK, who’s your Jerk of the Week, sire?

JERK OF THE WEEK

Big Al: Time for the Jerk of…Uh, that came out wrong… My Jerk is a group of jerks. The Lions “fans” who felt the need to make a mockery of the new logo introduction by acting like a bunch of drunks in week 12 of the NFL season. Chanting for Curry, and against Stafford, is so shortsighted, so immature, so Lions-esque. If it wasn’t so damn sad, it’d have been funny. I’m no fan of the mob mentality, and those chanting were nothing but blinded-by-fear sheep. SHEEP. You disagree with the draft? Great! Just being more than “Stafford sucks.” I hate to be put in the position to defend the Lions, but they do deserve at least a little benefit of the doubt.

Eno: Well said. My Jerk is NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, who told the Fox Sports Detroit folks Tuesday night that he doesn’t think fans disagree with how NHL games are called. Puh-leeeze!!

Big Al: As I said on Twitter Tuesday night, I wished Mickey Redmond would have given the smarmy SOB that is Bettman a BC two-hander across the chops after their interview. The Mick can still bring it, gang! Bettman is EVIL. End of story. Speaking of the end…

Eno: Yes…we must part ways for the week. Have a great one, my friend, and I’ll see you next Thursday for another webisode!

Big Al: Same Jerk time, same Jerk channel, same Jerk attitude! Till next Thursday, and as Jack Lord always said, ALOHA!

Four More Years, Four More Years??

I’m taking my birthday off.

Well, actually, it’s not my birthday, per se, but this blog’s.

Four years ago yesterday, “Out of Bounds” debuted, with this post about Tiger Woods.

1,211 posts later, here we are, at birthday number four.

I’ll save you a piece of cake, I promise.

Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, and thanks for linking to me.

Now, whether you approve or not, I’m re-electing myself.

Four more years!

God willing.

2008 At OOB: I Played Both Soothsayer & False Prophet

Oh, what a year it was on the Detroit sports landscape.

A Stanley Cup for the Red Wings. A horribly disappointing Tigers season. A coaching change with the Pistons, and a new superstar coming over in a trade. Oh, and that 0-16 thing with the Lions.

All that, plus U-M’s plunge in football, MSU’s rise, the Detroit Shock winning another WNBA title, and Bill Davidson and Dick Vitale being inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

I wrote a little bit about all that stuff, and more, if you care to be reminded.

What follows are some of my best (and worst) from 2008, ranging from dead-on soothsaying to airballs of prophecies.

Hold your applause until the end, please.

January

On Nick Lidstrom:

Another defenseman exists today who is not revolutionizing the game. He’s merely perfecting it.I’ve written it before, and I’ll write it again. You can have all of them — Harvey, Goldham, Orr, Bourque, and the rest — and I’ll take Nick Lidstrom and trump you every time.

Sunday, Lidstrom will play in another All-Star game, and it’s ironic, because though he is an annual participant, the game has never been about defense. But that’s OK; his booming shot and precise passes go just fine there, too.I’m usually an old fuddy-duddy when it comes to comparing players of different eras, which is always a futile endeavor anyway. But when it crops up, I’m likely to shove Oscar Robertson in front of you for every Michael Jordan reference, and Jimmy Brown for every Barry Sanders mentioning.

But I’m changing my tune with Lidstrom, who I’m convinced is playing defense better than anyone ever has in the National Hockey League. That’s right — EVER.

On Jim Colletto and the Lions:

I’m not all that jazzed about Colletto, mainly because I thought the Lions might try to raid one of their more successful brethren for a keen, young offensive mind. Then again, what would that prove, other than no one can win with the talent as it is right now.

Nothing will truly bring dramatic, positive change until the Lions are imploded and begun again, but that has as much chance of happening as, well, the Lions being imploded and begun again — which is none.

So the application of doomed Band-Aids will continue at Ford Field.The Lions do not win, not because of the coach, or the system, or the size of the playbook. They do not win because they do not have the players to do so. It’s quite simple, really.You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out.

On the Red Wings’ playoff chances:

This year’s team is on pace to threaten 60 wins. They have 29 in 40 games. Win tonight, and they’ll be right smack on that 60-win pace. Yet I don’t feel that this club will disappoint in the playoffs.

Perhaps it’s the fact that the Wings went to the Final Four last season with a team that I believe isn’t as strong as this one — when it’s healthy. Regardless, this year’s squad has some makings. It looks like it’s a Cup favorite. And I’m not even Barry Melrose, who picks them every year.

The Red Wings are fueled for hockey in June. There are hardly any weaknesses. Their backup goalie should make the All-Star team.

No 1996 disappointment here, me thinks.

February

On the Lions’ management approach:

So be ready to hear all about Dwight Smith and his 2002 experience. About his two returned INTs for touchdowns in the Super Bowl against the Raiders. It’s nice. But it was for another team, at another time. You don’t win Super Bowls with players resumes. You win with competent front offices and scouts.The most important Super Bowl-winning talent a team can employ are those who wear suits and ties to work everyday.

March

On Justin Verlander and the Hall of Fame:

Say hello to your next Tigers homegrown Hall of Famer.

Roll your eyes all you want. Mock my boosterism as nothing more than over-exuberant, hometown bias. Here, I’ll call the men in the white jackets myself, to save you the trouble. Guffaw from now until nightfall, for all I care.

Verlander, I’m telling you, will find himself enshrined in Cooperstown, N.Y. when all is said and done.

Don’t tell me about injuries and bad luck and flashes in the pan. Put a sock in it if you’re going to warn me of arms busting at the seams or flames burning out. I don’t want to have this conversation with you if you mean to dissuade me with sensible, even-handed talk. My mind’s made up. My decision is as final as an umpire’s, no matter how wrong he may be.

But I’m not wrong here, not on this one. Video replay will exonerate me, some 15 years from now, or more.

On Flip Saunders:

Saunders will coach the Pistons next year, odds are – barring a total meltdown in the playoffs, i.e. a first or second-round exit. Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess. And I’ll again brace myself, as I did back in 1983, for the Pistons GM to announce that, guess what, he’s the new coach, too.

On Tom Izzo going to the NBA:

Izzo, like so many college coaches before him, figures himself to perhaps be the one who can buck the trend. He looks at the allure of the pro game, sees that “ultimate level” of basketball, and wonders. And for that he’s not to be blamed. It’s human nature to ask oneself if he has what it takes to cross over to another level in his chosen field.

But Bobby Knight never acted on that notion. John Wooden never did. Dean Smith never did.

But Jerry Tarkanian did, with the San Antonio Spurs some 15 years or so ago, and the abbreviated experienced nearly caused him to bite clear through the towel he famously chewed on during games. Other college stalwarts like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, and PJ Carlesimo have tried and failed. I could dwarf your typical grocery list with more examples of this kind of failure.

So don’t do it, Tommy. Stay on campus. Tell those Bulls no, if they bother to ask. Better yet, pretend you’re not home. Out of sight, out of mind. And you won’t have to lose yours.

April

On Mike Babcock changing goalies in first round:

But here’s the thing: last I checked, nobody’s ever won the Cup after losing in the first round. Even the great Montreal Canadiens and Edmonton Oilers teams couldn’t pull that one off. So that said, I don’t blame Red Wings coach Mike Babcock one bit in trying to do what he feels gives his team the best chance to win THIS series. You worry about Round Two when — and IF — you get there.

Some of the worriers of this decision wonder what this will do to Hasek’s supposed fragile psyche. Well, I think if anyone is qualified to know that answer, it must be his coach, no? If Babcock thinks that won’t be an issue, then that’s good enough for me.

Look, Babcock is trying to win this series, right now. He’s coaching for the moment, with the short-sightedness that is sometimes required in the playoffs. Worrying about one game at a time is cliche, but it’s what you need to do, really.

On Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen needing to lead the Red Wings in playoffs:

Which is my point. If Franzen and Zetterberg are not scoring, if they are not leading the team in points once we’re several games into the post-season, then there’s trouble brewing. Do not count on a Fernando Pisani to save the day. Remember Pisani? He went ballistic in the 2006 playoffs, vexing the Red Wings and two other teams before almost leading his Oilers to an upset over Carolina in the Cup Finals.

On where Rodney Stuckey will play, with Chauncey Billups in front of him:

Stuckey is special, folks. I think we’re seeing a star NBA guard blossoming before our very eyes. And the Pistons could do a lot worse than to bring someone of his caliber off the bench, or start in case of injury or rest. Yet it might not happen for him here, only because of the quality of the dudes he’s playing behind. Neither Billups nor Hamilton is close to retirement.

This isn’t 1993, when Thomas was on the verge of calling it quits, and thus trained rookie Lindsey Hunter as his successor, while Dumars did the same with Allan Houston. It’s not far-fetched to say that Billups and Hamilton could both stay in Detroit for another five or six years, barring trades or free agency issues.

So where does that leave Stuckey?

May

On the Stanley Cup Finals after Pittsburgh’s Game 3 win:

Yes, the Penguins have a smidgen of confidence now — at least they’ve seen the brick wall Osgood surrender some pucks past him — but the Red Wings can still smell this latest Stanley Cup. Half the roster has won it before. You think they’re going to let the Penguins off the hook here? Besides, even a Game 4 loss, while unseemly, wouldn’t be disastrous. The Penguins don’t look ready to beat the Red Wings in Detroit any time soon.

So the Penguins got off the schneide. They scored a few goals. The puck bounced their way. They were more aggressive. Looked comfy at home. Upped their confidence a bit. Now they’re 9-0 at home in the playoffs. Good for them.

Detroit in five, that’s all. Or six. But Detroit, nonetheless.

On a retired Steve Yzerman watching Game 1 in the Red Wings suite:

If the Wings capture this Cup, which they should, it will be the first one since 1955 that didn’t have Steve Yzerman on its roster. There was a time when no one thought the Red Wings could win a Cup WITH Yzerman, and now we are wading through a period where some have wondered if they could win one WITHOUT Yzerman. No disrespect to Lidstrom, of course. But look how long it took the team to win one after Gordie Howe retired.

Memorial Day weekend hockey. Some of the best – for players, coaches, media, and fans. Oh, it’s fun for the stuffed shirts, too, but maybe not as much for the one who only two years ago was on the other side of that hallway.

Steve Yzerman had his time. I just wonder how tough it is for him to let go of it.

On the Wings’ chances of winning the Cup:

Check with the Wayne County Road Commission. Make sure there aren’t any plans for Woodward Avenue the first week of June. Tell ‘em to get any and all orange barrels out of the way. While you’re at it, tell them to not mess around too much with I-75, the Lodge Freeway, I-94, or I-96 until we’re done; we want as many people as possible to make it into downtown. Might as well confer with the Big Guy, God himself, and put in our request for sunshine and blue skies to drench ourselves in.

I can’t make any such assurances for the Pistons — far from it, actually — but I’ve made up my mind about the Red Wings. Stanley Cup no. 11 for the franchise will be hoisted into the air by captain Nicklas Lidstrom sometime within the next four weeks. It’s money in the bank. May as well give the engraver the Red Wings’ roster and have him start doing his thing.

June

On Flip Saunders’ firing:

Saunders was, by far, the least embraced coach in Detroit — ranking below even the Lions’ Rod Marinelli, who has largely been judged as more of an innocent bystander than anyone with losing blood on his hands. There wasn’t any sort of true affection for him. We never knew much about him, for starters. We knew he had a kid who played at the University of Minnesota, his alma mater, and that he coached the T-Wolves all those years. And that he narrowly missed being a victim of that bridge collapse — also in Minnesota. Maybe he was just too much Minnesota for our liking. Regardless, there wasn’t any of the lovable gruffness and supposed genius that Tigers fans found so alluring about Jim Leyland. There wasn’t the quiet calm and confidence exuded by Red Wings coach Mike Babcock that hockey fans find reassuring. There wasn’t even the “Aw, shucks/pound the rock” affability projected by Marinelli. With Saunders, he was like the outsider who was just keeping a seat warm until Dumars decided to satisfy his fetish again. No real connection. No real affection. No real empathy about what would ultimately happen to him.

July

On Jon Kitna:

Next week, when the Lions open training camp, Kitna will show up as the unadulterated #1 quarterback. It will be the third straight summer that he will do so, and if he survives it, 2008 will be the third straight year that no one but Kitna has started a game as Lions quarterback.

That may not seem like great shakes, but in a city where the metaphor for quarterback stability is a carousel, or a revolving door, it kinda is. Kitna provides some consistency at QB, and whether you like him or not, or consider him mediocre or not, there you have it. The Lions may not have Tom Brady or Peyton Manning, or even Eli Manning, but nor do they have to truly worry about who will line up under center when the curtain goes up in September – barring injury, that age-old disclaimer.

No “quarterback controversy” in Detroit, not now. Other than the 35-year-old Kitna (he’ll be 36 in September), the Lions possess Drew Stanton and Dan Orlovsky on their roster. That’s it. Stanton missed all of his rookie season last year due to injury, and Orlovsky is, well, Orlovsky: a backup with no real credentials other than he shows up, works hard, and might have some potential. Kind of like most second or third-string quarterbacks in the NFL.

On Marian Hossa:

No matter how you try to slice and dice it, I don’t know how you can ever diss a guy for taking less money in the name of winning.

What if, God forbid, Hossa suffers a serious injury next season? That would significantly impact his worth. Or, frankly, what if he just has a bad season, production-wise? Again, that would make it tougher for him to command the kind of dollars he could have gotten last week. So don’t tell me about being selfish or upsetting the apple cart.

August

On MSU football’s chances under Mark Dantonio:

It’s been 42 years since Michigan State played the “game of the century” against Notre Dame, another fallen program. Mark Dantonio, it wouldn’t appear, has anything tangible in his background that suggests he can bring the program back to national fame.

On Dontrelle Willis:

Dontrelle Willis was supposed to be an integral part of the Tigers rotation this year. He was supposed to be one of the many reasons why the team was to overwhelm its opponents and cruise to the World Series. He was supposed to continue his path to greatness, the path he forged in Florida. Now he can’t even throw a strike with any consistency. It’s not overstating things to suggest that he may have Steve Blass Syndrome and will never pitch in the big leagues again – at least with any degree of success.

On Rich Rodriguez:

All this, and R-Rod must win, and win now. What helps his cause is that expectations, from the national scribes, is relatively low — although Michigan does find itself in the pre-season Top 25. Yet there are three Big Ten teams, sometimes four, picked above them. Not too many folks think all that much of Michigan’s Big Ten title hopes, but that hardly matters, when it comes right down to it. Even in a so-called transition year, six or seven wins won’t be acceptable.

Losing to Ohio State, despite the fact that Michigan will almost certainly be considerable underdogs, won’t be acceptable, even if it is expected. Michigan fans will recall what new OSU coach Jim Tressel said when he was hired lo those many years ago: We WILL beat Michigan this year! And Tressel did, and he hasn’t really stopped.

September

On the Lions’ record in 2008:

It would appear as if the Lions are headed in the right direction. They addressed needs in the secondary, and while they may be a little D-line heavy and LB thin, the overall defense should be improved. They drafted a beast of an OT in the first round. They acquired some runners. They laid off the receiving corps for a change. I’d still like to see a backup QB with NFL experience, but I guess we’ll just have to hope for another injury-free year from Jon Kitna, which would be three years in a row — and that’s rolling the dice in today’s NFL.I’m not a prediction guy, but I think we’re still looking at 7-9, 8-8. The Lions may be a better team this year than they were in 2007 yet end up with much the same record. It’s a year where their development shouldn’t be solely judged by the won-loss record.

On the Lions’ future management:

When 70-75% of your starters are considered trash by all the rest, then you have a serious talent issue.

That’s why I hope the Lions, when they do their internal self-evaluation, place a high priority on hiring someone with expertise in finding young football talent. Forget the high-profile name for the sake of the high-profile name. I made the reference to Jack McCloskey already, and I’ll add Jimmy Devellano today. All I knew of Devellano was he was this short, stocky guy with the squeaky Canadian voice who had been some sort of cog with the Islanders. Turns out, that was good enough.

Don’t be surprised, or better yet, disappointed, if the Lions’ new football man is someone you’ve barely heard of — or at the very least, someone you wouldn’t have heard of it wasn’t for the speculation in the papers. Don’t look at the name, look at the pedigree.

If he comes from the Colts, or the Patriots, or the Packers, or the Cowboys, you should be happy. From anywhere else, you should be wary.

On Rod Marinelli:

So what of Rod Marinelli?

Well, he’s a lame duck, lamer than lame. Lamer than Gary Moeller was, lamer than Dick Jauron was. Marinelli might as well follow right behind Millen, packing boxes in hand, because there is no scenario at all in which Marinelli keeps his job under a new administration. None. Bet the farm, the kids, the family dog. Marinelli is going to be the ex-coach of the Lions. It’s only a matter of when, not if.

October

On the city of Tampa not supporting the Rays:

It’s a travesty, the lack of support the Rays got in Tampa Bay. The city doesn’t deserve big league baseball. Take the team away from them, as soon as the final out of their season is made. Their stadium, named after an orange juice, should be squished like a carton and eradicated. May as well put something else there, like a Wal-Mart or another retirement home.

Tampa Bay is going to be a great city, once they clear out all the zombies.

Cities that stay home from first-place teams aren’t worthy. There are 26 other teams in MLB that would love to be in the Rays’ position right now; same with their fans.Someone should nudge the Tampa Bayans awake and let them know that they’re missing a helluva baseball season.

Shame on them, anyway.

On the Cubs’ playoff performance:

“Billy Goat” Sianis isn’t dead after all. Black cats are still prowling around. Steve Bartman’s invasive, sticky fingers are still leaving prints.The futility of Steve Swisher and Ernie Broglio and Larry Biittner have returned.Charlie Brown still can’t kick the football. Wile E. Coyote just fell off another cliff. The Italian Army still stinks. And so do the Cubs.

The Chicago “97 Wins” Cubs. The Chicago “Going to end the 100-year drought” Cubs. The Chicago “This is the year” Cubs.No, The Same Old Chicago Cubs.The Cubs are on the verge, again, of disappointing in the post-season. Check that. They’ve past the verge and are falling down an endless flight of stairs. I haven’t seen a town’s hopes dashed so quickly since the Redskins hired Steve Spurrier.

November

On the Allen Iverson trade:

But now the Pistons, some 14+ years since Isiah Lord Thomas hung up his sneakers, finally have a face. A superstar. Someone around whom to worship on the basketball court.

Allen Iverson is about Isiah’s size: six-feet tall, on his tippy toes. One-hundred-and-sixty-five pounds, soaking wet and with $100 worth of quarters in his pockets. Tougher than nails. Still some street in him. A shrimp, really, in a giant’s game. And also one of the most prolific scorers in NBA history.

A face, finally, for the Pistons.

On Monday Night Football:

Monday Night Football hasn’t tickled my fancy, or my curiosity, since Cosell left – save the two years of Dennis Miller. It’s just another nighttime football game in an era where there are tons of them. And Tuesday mornings aren’t all that anymore, either.

Oh, Howard would love that: he leaves, and takes a night and a morning with him. Nobody tell him. Please.

December

On Red Wings coach Mike Babcock:

Yet this is another example of Babcock’s mastery. He’s Scotty Bowman Lite, but that’s no knock. It just means that he has a way of keeping the troops motivated and interested without resorting to mind games or other nefarious tactics. Babcock is able to call out his players without embarrassing them. He knows that when you point a finger, several are pointing right back at yourself. So he includes himself, often, when critiquing his team. He also knows when to allay the fears of the aforementioned dogs who call sports talk radio and pound away angrily without spell check on the Internet message boards.

Happy New Year!