Somewhere near Houston, Texas, Dan Orlovsky is breathing a sigh of relief.
When last seen by Lions fans, Orlovsky, now a backup with the Texans, was dancing out of the end zone in Minnesota, inexplicably running out of the field of play with the football and into the Lions Hall of Shame, perpetrating the funniest safety in the history of pro football.
Orlovsky is so yesterday. Shaun Hill is all the rage this morning. Poor Drew Stanton; he was trendy for all of one week, until Hill came along and shoved Stanton’s mistake (throwing an ill-advised pass instead of taking a sack and killing clock) from last Sunday aside.
Hill wiped Stanton and Orlovsky’s gaffes off the Lions’ map as if they were written on a dry erase board.
Whether you had little or no confidence that the Lions would convert a two-point conversion Sunday against the Buffalo Bills in the waning moments of the game, or that you thought it was doable, chances are you didn’t have “throw the ball out of the end zone” in your mental pool of possible outcomes.
Yet that’s exactly what Hill did.
Once again a quarterback who should know better suffers from an attack of cranial flatulence at the worst possible time for the Lions.
The Lions were on the verge of perhaps tying the 0-8 Bills after driving down the field for a touchdown with 19 seconds left, making the score 14-12, Buffalo.
Then Hill struck, like lightning on a golfer.
Doubtless Hill’s first option on the conversion attempt was Calvin Johnson, but apparently CJ was unavailable. So Hill scrambled, surveyed the end zone, and took his time exploring his options, for the Lions’ offensive line did its job admirably.
Finally, Hill let loose with the football, just barely underthrowing the guy in the first row behind the end zone.
Hill’s target was Brandon Pettigrew, who would have had to have been a Transformer in order to even get his mitts on the football.
No word on whether Hill was expecting to get another down.
So add that to your List of Ways to Collapse into Defeat in the NFL, by the Detroit Lions.
Hill’s curious chuck joins Stanton’s curious decision to throw and Orlovsky’s curious decision to scramble out of the end zone. It joins Take the Wind and Go for Two and I Don’t Coach This Stuff and The Bar is High.
It joins What Does a Guy Have to Do to Get Fired Around Here? and Pound the Rock and Take Barry Out of the Game at the Goal Line.
It joins Let’s Record “Another One Bites the Dust” While We’re 4-0 and I Just Have to Hire Marty Mornhinweg Before the Browns Do.
It will forever take its place with Drafting Andre Ware and Chuck Long and Joey Harrington and Charlie Rogers. It now joins Aaron Gibson Can Block out the Sun and We’re Married to Charlie Batch.
It now resides with 0-24 on the Road and its cousin, 0-25 on the Road.
It fits perfectly with 5-44 since the eighth game of 2007 and We Let Matt Millen Have Almost Eight Years Before We Realized Something Was Terribly Wrong.
Hill’s grenade is now asking Let’s Sign Daunte Culpepper to move down a space.
It joins Put Suh in to Kick and I Can’t Figure Out this Whole Clock Management Thing.
And it, of course, now is in the rarefied air of the sacred 0-16 Cow.
Shaun Hill threw the football out of the end zone on a two-point conversion. It should be engraved on his tombstone. Give me the chisel. Someone should sew a scarlet HTTFOOTEZOATPC on his jersey. Fetch me a Singer machine, forthwith.
Maybe the football slipped out of his hands, the Devil’s Advocate in you might say. It WAS rainy, after all.
That’s kind of you, but I’m not buying it.
Hill has ten whole yards to work with, when throwing a football into the end zone. If you call throwing it nearly 15 “slipping out of his hand,” then you’re either his mother or giving the biggest pardon since Ford excused Nixon.
Throw an incompletion IN the end zone. Hell, throw an interception. While those two results aren’t desirable, either, they’re a helluva lot more digestible than throwing the football halfway to Toronto.
Hill gave the Lions a chance to tie the game then took it away seconds later. Who made him God?
Only the Lions, right?
0-16 is safe for another year. Pop the Vernor’s.
0-25 on the road, however, is alive and well and looks to be promoted to 0-26 in Dallas next week.
I like his chances.