Greg Eno

Archive for the ‘Thursday’s Things’ Category

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on August 28, 2008 at 5:16 pm

(when the spirit moves me, on Thursdays at OOB I rant in list fashion)

Things The Lions Need To Do In Tonight’s Final Exhibition Game

1. Don’t

2. Get

3. Anyone

4. Hurt

5. And

6. Don’t

7. Play

8. QB

9. Jon Kitna

10. And

11. See

12. If

13. The

14. Bills

15. Will

16. Agree

17. To Play

18. Touch

19. Instead

20. Of

21. Tackle

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on August 21, 2008 at 4:26 pm

(occasionally at OOB on Thursdays, I rant in list fashion)

Things That Stalled Negotiations Between MLB & The Umpires Regarding The Use of Instant Replay

Battles ensued over who gets to say, “After further review…”

2. Replay dismissed by umps because it “will just prove that we’re always right”

3. Fear that it will create fewer reasons to eject Bobby Cox

4. Concerns whether shroud over monitor is large enough to accommodate an average umpire’s head size

5. Umpires wanted to use replay to determine whether to use replay

6. Umpires requested video monitor occasionally show snippets from The Food Network

7. Cost of installing umpire-requested “sound proof booths” in MLB dugouts too prohibitive

8. The number of 12-year-olds needed to competently run the computers replay would require presented logistical nightmare, especially when school is in session

9. Dodgers manager Joe Torre’s request to use replay to determine length of Manny Ramirez’s dreadlocks kept coming up

10. The term “wind-blown home run” will now need to be changed to “video-aided home run”

11. Fear that certain hard-line umpires will ostracize video monitor during umpires’ down time on the road

12. Concerns over wording on new umpire creed, which is proposed to be, “It ain’t nothin’ till I see it again on TV.”

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on August 7, 2008 at 2:42 pm

(when the mood strikes me on Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion)

Things That Are About As Reliable As The Tigers’ Bullpen

1. A Brett Favre retirement announcement

2. “Check’s in the mail”

3. A claim in a political ad

4. The accuracy of a drive-thru fast food order

5. Arrival and departure times at the airport

6. Flavored tea

7. A five-day forecast

8. A Ben Wallace free throw attempt

9. A resume from George O’Leary or Wally Backman

10. Those bottom feeding bloggers

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on July 24, 2008 at 1:58 pm

(when the mood strikes, on Thursdays at OOB I rant in list fashion)

Things Seen On Matt Millen’s “To Do” List As Training Camp Opens

1. Get all weekend passes for Pennsylvania approved by Mr. Ford

2. Schedule photo opps, smiling with coach Marinelli while watching practice; make sure to wear shorts and have beard scruffy

3. Work on compiling that list of “58 coaches” Steve Mariucci said I’ve fired

4. After drafting guys named Kevin Jones, Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, and Calvin Johnson — learn how to spell and pronounce Gosder Cherilus.

5. See if I can do that Army thing with Caleb Campbell

6. Convince myself that all those signs say “HIRE Millen!”

7. Continue to polish my TV analyst audition tape

8. Now that Shaun Rogers is gone and so is his weight distraction, look into Slim-Fast for myself

9. Double check safety deposit box weekly that contains “those photos” of Mr. Ford

10. Remind myself of my over-seventy percent success rate at making the rest of the NFL feel good about itself on a weekly basis, for my benevolent self-esteem

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on June 19, 2008 at 1:42 pm

(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion)

Things That Are Good About Tiger Woods Missing The Rest Of The 2008 PGA Season Due To Knee Surgery

1. Public now finally to be introduced to rest of the PGA Tour

2. Las Vegas golf odds makers who had been laid off, soon to be called back to work due to sudden increase in workload

3. Young golfers previously discouraged about wanting to join the tour now re-charged, knowing Woods might have a bum knee on occasion

4. Some lucky knee surgeon about to have his watershed moment

5. Young daughter to get a break from being a “golf brat”

6. Phil Mikkelson just hired marketing firm to promote him as “The Left-handed Tiger”

7. Absence finally opens a door for Hillary

8. Buick Open in Grand Blanc, MI now has openings for graduation parties and large group outings; call for details

9. Takes us back to the simpler times of 1996, when the economy was great, the housing market thrived, and we loved making Bob Dole jokes

10. General public about to be educated enough about knees to qualify for online medical degrees

11. An already sagging job market won’t be flooded by ex-pro golfers seeking work elsewhere!

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on June 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm

(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion)

Other Things Disgraced NBA Referee Tim Donaghy Claims Happened During His Tenure

1. Rims mechanically expanded by remote control whenever Michael Jordan shot the ball

2. Refs promised free large order of fries from McDonald’s whenever total fouls called in a game reached 60 or higher

3. Annual pig roasts at home of Lakers owner Jerry Buss filled with loose women, liquor, and promises of promotion to calling NBA Finals games in which Lakers participate

4. Golden State’s name picked out of hat prior to 2007 playoffs to be Cinderella team that an entire nation — and officiating crews — would rally around

5. Highly detailed and convoluted plan to orchestrate a stunning Clippers-Hawks NBA Finals matchup in 2003 collapsed late in negotiations

6. Commissioner David Stern founder of cult NBA religion known as Jordanism

7. One of three refs on crew during Pistons games assigned personally to Rasheed Wallace

8. High-tech whistles able to be remotely disabled whenever second string players drive lane against league stars

9. Officials routinely slip scoreboard operator “a twenty” in exchange for “an extra point tacked on here and there” for Lakers during intense playoff games

10. Officials attended Tarot card readings to help them determine winners of mundane regular season games — like a Clippers-Hawks matchup — that weren’t worthy of full-blown manipulation based on significance of standings

Thursday’s Things – A Day Late

In Thursday's Things on June 6, 2008 at 12:44 pm

11 Things I’ll Remember Most From The Red Wings’ 2008 Stanley Cup Run (One for each Cup the franchise has won)

11. Wondering if the run would end before it really got started when the Wings were forced into OT by an inferior and totally outplayed Nashville team in Game 5 of the first round

10. Johan Franzen practically outscoring the Colorado Avalanche by himself in the second round sweep

9. ESPN’s Barry Melrose predicting the Avs would take the Red Wings out in six games in what would be a “nasty” series. Instead, it was a Detroit sweep in a series that, if it were football, would have been two-hand touch

8. Wondering why the hell Avs coach — now EX-coach — Joel Quenneville didn’t start goalie Peter Budaj in Game 3 in Colorado after Jose Theodore stunk up the joint in Games 1 and 2 in Detroit

7. Realizing, after the Red Wings dumped out the Predators in six games, that we probably weren’t going to see Dominik Hasek step onto the ice as a Red Wing again — not for the rest of the playoffs, and not for the rest of his life

6. Nicklas Lidstrom’s goofy, done-on-purpose misdirection shot from center ice that beat Nashville goalie Dan Ellis in the clinching Game 6 — and everyone saying it was a good omen, because of a similar shot Lidstrom made in 2002 against Vancouver

5. Delighting in Dallas goalie Marty Turco’s lack of success in Joe Louis Arena as an NHL player, which continued thru Games 1 and 2 in the conference final

4. Cursing Turco’s timing as he finally won a game in Detroit in Game 5 to turn what was once a 3-0 series lead into a 3-2 nailbiter

3. As the Final Four played out, looking across to the Eastern Conference and knowing that the Red Wings are going to win the whole deal, because neither Pittsburgh nor Philadelphia scared me — especially Philly

2. Walking out of the press box in Joe Louis Arena after Game 1 of the Cup Finals and turning to Jerry Green and asking, “Are the Wings that good, or are the Penguins that bad?” He said, “Well, you didn’t see the first half of the first period” — and I hadn’t, because I was late. But I asked the same question after Game 2, too — and I saw ALL of that one

1. Standing up, keeping one eye on the clock and the other on the action on the ice, near the Red Wings management cubby of Steve Yzerman, Ken Holland, Scotty Bowman, and Gordie Howe, wondering how they’ll react when the Cup is won at the end of Game 5. Then experiencing what it’s like for 20,000+ folks to have their guts slugged at the same time.

1a. Nearly tearing up when Lidstrom handed the Cup to 39-year-old Dallas Drake and watching Drake’s pure joy in finally realizing his dream

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on May 22, 2008 at 1:24 pm

(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things I Remember Most About The Pistons-Celtics Playoff Rivalry Of The Late-1980s, Early-1990s)

Things I Think Of When I Think Of The Pittsburgh Penguins

1. That their colors used to be blue and white before changing them — in mid-season — to black and gold in response to the Steelers and Pirates’ championships of 1979

2. That for some reason I know that Gordie Howe scored his 700th goal in Pittsburgh — even though I was too young to remember it

3. That they are one of the two NHL teams that blew a 3-0 series lead (in 1975 against the Islanders)

4. That they’re yet another one of Scotty Bowman’s Cup-winning teams (1992); Larry Murphy, too.

5. That not too long ago it looked like they’d be kicked out of Pittsburgh due to poor teams and a stalemate over a new arena

6. That TV analyst Eddie Olcyzk once coached them, B.C. — Before Crosby

7. That the throwback sweaters they wore in Buffalo for that game played outside were awesome

8. Their TV announcer, Mike Lang, and his colorful calls of goals, i.e. “He beat him like a rented mule!”

9. That the Civic Arena was once known as The Igloo for several years

10. That I have an early-1990s Pens jersey with my name on the back — because I have a thing for penguins (I collect penguin stuff)

11. Mario Lemieux

12. Ken Schinkel (don’t ask me why; I always thought the former Penguin player and coach of the 1970s had a cool name)

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on May 15, 2008 at 2:20 pm

(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things Dominik Hasek Does Now That He’s The Backup Goalie)

Things I Remember Most About The Pistons-Celtics Playoff Rivalry Of The Late-1980s, Early-1990s
(in honor of a likely matchup with the Celts in ’08; in no particular order)

1. Bill Laimbeer bringing a sickle in a satchel into the Silverdome in 1988, symbolizing the need to “cut the snake’s head off”, in reference to the Pistons’ 3-2 lead in the conference finals. The Pistons won.

2. The Pass. Of course, I’m talking about Isiah Thomas’s errant inbounds pass in ’87 that Larry Bird picked off and turned into a Celtics victory. And GM Jack McCloskey saying, “On my deathbed, I’ll probably say, ‘We shouldn’t have made that pass.'”

3. Game 6 of the conference semis in 1991. It doesn’t get much notoriety, but it was one of the best games in the rivalry’s history. The Pistons won an overtime thriller; I remember watching it at a watering hole near the Detroit River.

4. Kevin McHale’s pseudo-three. It came late in Game 2 of the 1991 conference semis, in Boston. The Pistons were looking for a 2-0 series lead. McHale’s toe was clearly on the line, but the refs gave him a three anyway; a crucial call that enabled the Celtics to win.

5. Dennis Rodman’s mouth. After the Pistons were eliminated in ’87, Rodman said that Bird gets the praise he does because he’s white.

6. The Pistons winning Game 5 in Boston in 1988 — their first win in Boston in years. It enabled them to advance to the Finals.

7. Celtics announcer Johnny Most screaming into his microphone about the Bad Boys: “OH, THE WAY THEY DO THINGS HERE!!”

8. Vinnie Johnson lighting up Joe Louis Arena in the 1985 conference semis, earning the nickname The Microwave from Danny Ainge.

9. Robert Parish slugging Laimbeer across the head and face in the lane in Boston.

10. Adrian Dantley and Johnson crashing to the floor and butting heads, chasing a loose ball, knocking both players silly, in Game 7 in 1987. The Garden Leprechaun at work once again.

Thursday’s Things

In Thursday's Things on May 8, 2008 at 3:25 pm

(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things I Like [and don’t like] About Sports Coverage On TV)

Things Dominik Hasek Does Now That He’s The Backup Goalie

1. Extra time to catch up on back issues of Senior Living magazine

2. Scratches itch to play by flopping on kitchen floor to stop errant bagel

3. Still waiting on that Chris Osgood voodoo doll to come back from Haiti

4. Unsuccessfully trying to convince Mike Babcock that his first round troubles a result of too much partying at the Grand Ole Opry the nights before Games 3 and 4

5. Dominator clothing line coming out with new custom-made seat cushions

6. Will start live blogging from bench during games

7. Daily chants of “The best goalie is the one not playing; the best goalie is the one not playing”

8. Still smarting from that awkward moment recently when everyone in dressing room shut up when he walked in

9. Works on reflexes by channel surfing around commercials

10. Asked for trade to Colorado after second period of Game 4 to shore up their goaltending situation